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Poetry


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Different journey

By Sammyjoe

26 March 2006

One of my performance "chatty" pieces : from Talking To An Empty Space , the title for all of my performance poetry .

I'm staning on the edge of myself
And looking deep within
All I see is a mirror of you
Etched upon my skin .

And wev'e changed from sixteen to seventeen to eighteen to nineteen
Changes and chapters are wrtiting themselves
Without pictures of you
They just might not be complete

But you have to grow together
Along the same branch
Of the tree of love , I guess.

Reviews

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 29th March 2006

You caught me unawares with this one... I read the first verse, and expected the rest of the piece to be similar, with the rhyme scheme and the shape of your phrases well crafted to meet the expectations of a performance audience... But what on earth happened in verse 2?!?! The rhyme scheme has gone out the window, the rhythm has vanished, and the phrases ramble all over the place! Verse 3 feels more like conventional free verse, though I felt that the "I guess" at the end weakened your statement and made it sound as if you didn't have the courage of your convictions.

For a performance piece, particularly a short piece, I think it's important that you don't baffle your audience. I'd be inclined to work in EITHER a well crafted rhyme scheme, OR a sparse free verse framework - OR to ditch the versification altogether and make the piece into a short prose poem (something along the lines of comedian Rob Newman's "Rachel" monologues might do the trick). But not all three in the same poem.

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