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Great Writing - Home > PlayRoom > Da Vinci's Demons
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| Da Vinci's Demons | |
| By Nick | ||||||||||||
| 05 November 2009 | ||||||||||||
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This is just a bit of nonsense - hence the reason it's in the playroom “We have some questions for you Professor” announced the smartly dressed detective. He was standing in the office of the Signology expert Professor Robert Longdong. “Yes detective, how can I help our law enforcement today?” replied a cheery middle aged man styled to look like a twenty something with barely tamed shoulder length hair. “Ah well I've come about a matter of great urgency”. “Another murder is it? Are these the gruesome photos that I don't really want to see but can't help having a quick peak at anyway.” With that the Professor grabs the crime scene photos from the detectives hand. “Ah well no, just wait. You don't really need to see those..” “Nonsense! How will I be able to assist you if I can't see the pictures... the gruesome, gruesome pictures”. “Well it's not really about...” the detective is rudely interrupted by the Professor who dramatically slams the photos onto his desk and starts casually flipping through the photos of a young man's death. “Ah yes, I see why you've come to me. I am the foremost expert in the only slightly ridicules field of Signology. I have studied every road sign that has ever stood tall and proud at the side of the.. um, well, the road.” Instead of the Professors speech impressing the Detective he merely nods with a solemn look on his face. “Was this how you found the body Detective?” “Mmm yeah that's where he was found, leaning against the 'national speed limit applies' road sign.” “Oh this is very peculiar! Why would anyone kill a man and leave him propped up and naked against this particular road sign?” Have they carved something on his chest?” asked the very serious Professor. “Well no they didn't carve anything onto his chest. He did that himself, but that's not the point I really need to ask...” once again the Professor interrupts him. “You were right to come to me Detective. I know this is a strange case for you but I think I can provide you with some answers. Let me just consult some of my big, thick and very impressive looking Signology reference books”. With that Professor Longdong turns to the bookshelf behind him and seemingly just pulls one at random and lets it fall open to a page about half way through the enormous tome. Suddenly and dramatically he drops the book and issues an anguished cry of “Oh God no.” The Detective, who had become bored with the situation and this insufferable twat, sparked back into life at the Professors death wails. “Professor what is it? Are you okay? Professor? “Detective, this is worse than I thought. This is not just some random petty crime of murder this is the work of the Illiterati.” “What the hell are you talking about?” the detective asked with only the smallest hint of annoyance. Longdong rushed over to the Detective, grabbed him by the shoulders and start to shake him. “You don't understand Detective, no one understands but me. I am the smartest man to have ever lived and only I can stop the Illiterati. They are the most fiendish, dastardly group of men to have ever cursed this great planet.” With that he lets go of the Detective and takes a step back but continues with his rant. “I do admire them though. I have to admit I sent them an application to join their little intellectual elite but the bastards rejected me. I will now become the man to finally bring them down”. Longdong was looking more than slightly disturbed by now. “Professor, what the hell are you talking about, who are the Illiterati, what the hell is signology and why should I care?” asked the now annoyed Detective. “Detective, you are too feeble minded to understand, but the Illiterati are the enemy of ever Signologist in the world, granted theirs actually only 2 of us but we're Sherlock Holmes to their Moriarty” with that the professor runs his hands through his luxurious hair and strikes a pose a model would've been proud of. “Look Professor I don't really give a shit for all this, I've just returned to work after being injured, I'm on light duties, the brass sent me here to get a replacement sign for the one damaged in the photo you so rudely snatched from me.” “Ah right ... a replacement sign you say...Mmm no problem. I'll get one made up, it'll take 2-3 working days. Are you sure this is not about the Illiterati?” “Yes professor I'm pretty bloody sure. Don't worry I can see myself out....oh and by the way your wigs squint”.
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