I hope my old Latin teacher forgives me
R I P P.K.
Poem translated from This Way to the Tomb : a play by Ronald Duncan
Quaerit loca lacrimorum
Promit voces cor amarum
Gemit maestus tempus carum
Perditum in saeculo,
Montis antro sequestratus
Plorat orat humi stratus
Tandem menti serenatus
Latitat ergastulo
Ibi vacat rupe tectus
Ad divina sursum vectus
Spernit ima ludex rectus
Eligit caelestia
Carnem frenat sub censura
Transformatam in figura
Cibum capit de scriptura
Abigit terrestia.
In bitterness the saddened heart repents
and seeks a place of tears for its display
and sorrowing , unceasingly laments
the precious time the world has won away.
The penitent, upon the earth prostrate
in some old mountain cave set far apart
has found the peace his heart could not dictate
healed in the cicatrice upon his heart.
Obscure upon his rock he masters time
drawn to his god by height and loneliness.
The Judge, himself untainted , judges crime
to be the shadow of earth’s earthiness.
Unbridled flesh is bridled, all the forms
of lust and languid love beatified;
the scriptures shelter him from earthly storms
and lo ! the word of God is justified.
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Great!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 29th March 2006 |
 ..... Even the Iambic Pentameter is pure Classic(Silver) Latin format: just like re-reading Cicero or Virgil
I'm not familiar with the title of the play or the playwright's name. Is the translation itself your work, or the playwright's?  |
Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 31st March 2006 |
This is technically impeccable. I can't fault it. But I can't relate to it. I don't find a way in, a point of empathy, a connection with my emotions.
I really hate reviewing pieces like this! As you know, patterjack, I have the utmost respect for the way you handle the classical poetic forms (in fact I sometimes wish I could do the same!). The fact I just don't relate to this is entirely down to my personal taste and is no disrespect at all to your work. I know that others will really appreciate and enjoy this, and I know that if I need some guidance on formal poetry construction, I'd probably use you as an example  |
confession
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 31st March 2006 |
I should first make the point that i was engaged ( as a student ) in a series of lectures , one of which involved the play This Way to the Tomb. I was the only one with any Latin , and arrogantly commissioned myself to translate it for the group , with the above result.
As another kind of confession, I am entirely irreligious , to the point of atheism . It may well be the reason for the lack of engagement I myself show in the content , even though I have tried for negative capability . In the end it is a translation which has little personal involvement and which finished up as about a situation , not conforming to the dictum a poem should not mean but be *
I am not quite sure about what you mean by your personal taste . Are you referring to content -- or to expression? I hope you have noticed that I am eclectic - using free verse rhythms , iambic pentameter, tetrameter , rime coue and other styles
My choice of content is , I fear , entirely down to my own personality
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