Poetry
You and Me
By finefencer
21 December 2009
 

Some times you need to step right back, and take the picture in.

The plan is yours its monotype  you do things at a whim.

Your world and all your visions are plane for you to see

But we are two, its not just you, so what becomes of me?

 

I have a life your part of it, are times for us to share,

Some time I feel I’m all alone as if you didn’t care.

Why can’t you take that backward step and turn are lives around?

Cos I am me, it isn’t we, I’m stood on stony ground.

 

I love you can’t you see that? Some word cannot be said.

The thoughts and fears keep coming back and lodging in my head.

I want are life together to share the problems too!

I want you just to understand its Me, as well as You!

     

Reviews

Written by wendycat (2180 comments posted) 21st December 2009
Hi, nice rhythm and a familiar theme that we can all relate to. A few common grammar/spelling mistakes jumped out at me, I'm rubbish with grammar and spelling and always appreciate someone pointing things out to me, so it's nice to be able to do the same for someone else. 
 
(2nd stanza) your -you're 
are- our 
I think that you could do with a couple of commas in places too. 
 
Wendy

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5054 comments posted) 21st December 2009
You do need to sort out all the typos in this, It is so distracting and, in some places, interferes with the sense of it. 
cheers

Written by finefencer (17 comments posted) 22nd December 2009
Thanks for your comments, and all duly taken on-board. 
 
I am sorry if my mistakes have blacked your eyes. My English, spelling, punctuation, and grammar is poor and I know this. I use the spellchecker on my PC to correct my mistakes, but if its not picked up by this, then I will make mistakes 
I believe that poetry should be fun, alive, and easy to read, and that is all I want to try and achieve.  

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item