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By merrymermaid
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20 January 2010 |
This poem is-was very private but now I feel that I would like to share it with you all and I think that by doing this it will help me to move on a little.
I prayed and prayed you would not go
did not even get the chance to say "cheerio"
I was not there oh why oh why?
now all I do is cry and cry.
You never gave up but you lost the fight
strength like yours will I ever have-I might
if I take from you what you had to give
and find in me the will to live.
I thought I heard you whisper "dry your tears"
your love and courage calming my fears
for the rest of my life you'll be holdind my hand
waiting to take me to the promised land.
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Written by angela (148 comments posted) 20th January 2010 | Poetry is such a therapeutic way to express yourself and there are so many emotions wrapped up in this piece; regret, admiration, hope and longing just to mention a few. I recognise the depth of admiration you express as I have always felt the same way about my late mum, so this was a tearjerker for me. I'm so glad you feel ready to move on. I don't know if you realise it but the title is appropriate to you aswell as your loved one: I think the "might" in verse 2 has already become "will"!
God bless you
Angela | Heartfelt
Written by woody44 (876 comments posted) 20th January 2010 | Your love of this person comes over very strongly in this poem Maggi. I very rarely write poetry, mainly because I don`t think I`m good enough, but I was moved to pen something when my mother died last year. I think grief can sometimes bring out the best in our writing as well as being, as Angela mentioned, therapeutic. This piece shows you have a strong feeling for words.
Happy writing
Roger. |
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 20th January 2010 | Hmmm - obviously a personal piece, but I do wonder if you do your subject and emotions justice. I'm thinking that such obvious rhymes for such a piece lighten it rather than add to the desired effect?
The first rhymes of 'go' and 'cheerio' - is 'cheerio' really what you would want to say, or is it used because it rhymes with 'go'? Please believe me, I'm not being hard, though it may seen harsh, just an honest reaction.
Likewise the repitition of 'why' and 'cry' in the following lines - do they add to what you wish to convey or are they just convenient?
I feel for your great loss, but can only comment on the writing.
Cheers
| This poem is a release
Written by donkeef (546 comments posted) 21st January 2010 | from your deep feeling of sadness I believe. It is honest and open and something we all need to do at certain times in our lives.
If you step back from this piece and wait a while I think you will be able to re-construct it and produce a deep and dramatic work about the terrible feelings of loss of a loved one which conveys those raw emotions you felt.
Good luck
Keith
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Written by wendycat (2302 comments posted) 26th January 2010 | I do hope you found some comfort in writing this.
I hope you don't think me harsh (my comments are meant to help, not hurt) but I think there might be a better way of expressing your emotions. The rhymes seem a little forced and I think this masks the true feelings and strong emotions that run beneath the writing.
Wendy |
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