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Drama Scripts
Crush
By JayOTee
01 February 2010
Hi all,

This short script is something I wrote many years ago after being inspired by a friend's experience of working in a supermarket and her love of Pegg/Wright collaborations (and some other 'interesting' experiences of life that will not be elaborated on...!). I wrote it for her birthday so there are a lot of tailored elements and was my first attempt at that kind of style. Still holds many memories...

Forgive the formatting, Final Draft doesn't transfer well.

Please comment if you have the time, many thanks!!

Jess


INT. SUPERMARKET, AISLE 9 - DAY

ANGELA COTTON, 25, supermarket slave, is on her knees.
Next to her, several boxes of identical cereal.
She places one in a space on the shelf in front of her.

JERRY ‘CALL ME MR.’ KEATING, 40s, The Manager, approaches, nose-first. She turns, beaming a fake smile.

ANGELA
Good morning, Mr. Keating.

KEATING
(eyeing cereal)
...Hmmmm...

Keating continues on his way, Angela snubbed.
Keating reaches the end of the aisle at the same time
as EDWARD (EDDIE) FECTER: 28, supervisor, dogsbody
extraordinaire.

KEATING
Ah, Edward.

EDDIE
Jer - Uh, Mr. Keating. Hello.

KEATING
Could you be sure to tell Andrea to-

EDDIE
Andrea?
(sees Angela)
Oh. Angela.

KEATING
Be sure to tell her that the cereal must be
in alphabetical order, both in
brand organisation and name.

EDDIE
Alphabetical order?

KEATING
In brand organisation and name.

EDDIE
Right.

Keating leaves abruptly. Eddie, flagrantly dismayed
begins to head towards Angela. Her mouth drops.

FANTASY SEQUENCE

Eddie strolls up the aisle looking amazing, like some
Jane Austen hero, eyes fixated on her. She turns away.

END FANTASY SEQUENCE

EDDIE
Angela. Hi.

Angela looks back to normal, everyday Eddie.

EDDIE
Uh, yes, looks good. Jerry has one
little tiny stipulation though.

ANGELA
Just one?

EDDIE
No. Actually two.

ANGELA
Is it going to involve me rearranging -

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

CLAIRE, 25, well-groomed and sassy, is sat comfortably,
fully expectant of the next few minutes. Angela enters screaming:

ANGELA
- nine hundred boxes of cereal!
Nine hundred!

Claire rolls her eyes, heads to the kitchen. A cork pops.

ANGELA
I spent five hours today doing that.
Rearranging cereal into bloody alphabetical order.
And Eddie doesn’t lift a finger to help!

CLAIRE
Who told you to do it?

ANGELA
Eddie.

CLAIRE
But he’s your supervisor.

ANGELA
Yes, but apparently it came from the horse’s mouth.

CLAIRE
The horse?

ANGELA
Jerry.

CLAIRE
Jerry?

ANGELA
Mr. Keating. My boss.

CLAIRE
Right.

ANGELA
Don’t I always tell you this?

Claire re-enters with two glasses of wine.

CLAIRE
You never usually get past Ed-

ANGELA
He must have masterminded the whole thing.
Why would the Store Manager care
if the cereal was alphabetical!

CLAIRE
But it does sound a little lame, even for Eddie.

ANGELA
But you don’t know him!

CLAIRE
(ironically)
Of course I don’t.

ANGELA
He hates me that’s why he’s doing this.

CLAIRE
But, then, if he despises you as you keep
telling me every day, why are you so obsessed with him?

Angela throws herself onto the sofa, heaving a huge,
self-comforting sigh. Claire hands her a drink.

ANGELA
Oh. I love him. I can’t help it.

INT. SUPERMARKET. STAFF ROOM - DAY

Eddie, expression as if his hands have just been replaced
with tofu, is seated with KEVIN, his best friend, an arrant
slacker wannabe, at a table.

EDDIE
He tells me to tell her to put the cereal...alphabetically...

KEVIN
Alphabetically.

EDDIE
Yes.

KEVIN
Ouch. And did she do it?

EDDIE
Five hours.

KEVIN
Wow. She really likes you, mate.

EDDIE
Oh, don’t be stupid. She hates me.

KEVIN
Why don’t you ask her?

EDDIE
Yeah, right. When exactly?

KEVIN
Now, maybe.

Eddie turns his head instantly.

FANTASY SEQUENCE

Angela, all dolled up and sexy, saunters into the staff room.
Her hair flows behind her back only as perfection allows,
her lips, all perfect and pouted. She looks through her
massive lashes to Eddie. Eddie’s mouth is wide open.
Kevin hits him.

EDDIE
Ow.

END FANTASY SEQUENCE

Angela is in her normal uniform, not very impressed with
Eddie’s staring.

ANGELA
Is there something on my face?

KEVIN
Could be if you want.

Eddie hits Kevin. Angela just turns away and goes to clock in.
Eddie silently bangs his head on the table. He can’t see
Angela silently cursing herself.

INT. CHECKOUT 11 - DAY
                                                                                                                                  
Angela, false “happy to help” expression plastered across her face, serves as fast as ridiculous packaging allows. The CUSTOMER glares impatiently.

INT. CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK - SAME TIME

Keating is part manning the desk. Eddie walks by.

KEATING
Ah, Edward.

EDDIE
Jer- Mr. Keating. Hello.

INT. CHECKOUT 11 - MOMENTS LATER

Eddie leans in so Angela can hear him but no-one else can.

EDDIE
Angela. Hi. Um, yes. Jerry was wondering,
could you serve a little faster, please?

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Angela rushes directly to her bedroom. Claire is filing her nails.

ANGELA
(re-enters)
Go faster, he says. Too slow! Meh meh bleuh!

CLAIRE
He actually said ‘meh meh bleugh’?

ANGELA
It’s always ‘Jerry wants to know,’ or ‘Jerry was wondering...’

CLAIRE
And you’d prefer if Eddie did the ordering directly.
Because it’d turn you on?


ANGELA
Because then...I’d, well, he’d...
(off Claire’s look)
I need help.

Angela heads back into her bedroom. Claire just smiles,
ever-knowing.

INT. SUPERMARKET. KEATING’S OFFICE - DAY

Eddie walks in.

KEATING
Ah, Edward.

EDDIE
Yes...Mr. Keating.

KEATING
We’re going to have to lay some people off.
Company’s in a little trouble.
Last in, first out, you know the score.
Why don’t you start with that Alexa girl.

EDDIE
Alexa...? Angela...why don’t I start with Angela..?

KEATING
Good thinking, Edward.

INT. SUPERMARKET. AISLE 9 - DAY

Angela, on her knees and cereal duty again. For a split
second she turns her head - Eddie.

FANTASY SEQUENCE

Eddie right at this moment -- A bit of Gerard Butler’s
Phantom of the Opera minus the skin problem crossed with Oh God! Suave, sexy and sauntering this way. He stops in front of her.

EDDIE
Angela.

Eddie turns to the cereal. He places his hand on the nearest box.
He tips it off the shelf. In a completely inconceivable but
obviously fantastical possibility the cereal drops from the
shelves in a domino effect. Eddie strolls manfully to Angela, a mischievous smile on his face. Her mouth drops open.

EDDIE
Do you care?

He smiles, grabs her, spins her over, holding her in a movie pose,
and kisses her in sweeping over-the-top romantic style.

EDDIE
We have to lay some people...

Mouth still dropped...

END FANTASY SEQUENCE

EDDIE
...off.

ANGELA
(on knees)
What?

EDDIE
We have to let you go. I’m sorry.

ANGELA
You’re firing me?

EDDIE
No. I mean, I’m not.

ANGELA
You’re not firing me?

EDDIE
Well technically, but not me. Jerry.
You know, last in, first out...and all that...

ANGELA
Right.

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Angela enters, flops down on the chair with a miffed look
on her face. Claire has already opened a bottle of wine and
pouring into two glasses.

ANGELA
I wanted to bite him today. He was telling me the company’s
in trouble, last in, first out and all that rubbish - though
I’ve been there five years so I don’t know
how that works...bloody Hell, five years? -
and all I could think of was wanting to bite him. And swords.

CLAIRE
(handing her drink)
He fired you?

ANGELA
Of course not. It was Jerry. It’s always Jerry.

CLAIRE
But Jerry is the only one with the power to fire people isn’t he?

Angela looks at her directly. Downs her drink.

CLAIRE
It’s true. Did you want to go to the pub?

Angela rolls over embryonically.

ANGELA
No, I’ll stay here. Whining to myself
about the terrible path that is my life.

CLAIRE
(pouring more wine)
Here.

Angela rolls back over.

ANGELA
Thank you.

Angela downs that too. Moments pass.

ANGELA
OK. Pub.

INT. PUB - NIGHT

Angela is now rather tipsy. She’s got on the table in front of
her what could be vodka and tonic, certainly something paint-stripper-ish. Claire beside her sips a cocktail.

ANGELA
I can’t believe it...I can’t, why, why did it happen?
Why would that happen? How?
I never saw it coming, not once, at all, how could it?
It’s not the kind of thing you think about?
You get into it and then bam!
Everything changes. It’s all different. It’s all bad!

CLAIRE
Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad.

ANGELA
It was! How can you accidentally put the ring
on the wrong finger?


CLAIRE
It was a mistake. He was practising.

ANGELA
Practising on a bone? In the ground!
Why not practice on his own finger! Pinky at least!

CLAIRE
He didn’t know it was a bone.

ANGELA
Still, in the middle of a dark forest in the middle of the
night and he’s playing with a ring with dead people
in the ground around him...weird...
(staring at her ring finger)
I feel like a corpse bride.
Like I’ve been stung to death. Waiting for him,
for the rest of my life, never knowing when we’ll meet again.

CLAIRE
He’s at the bar.

Eddie is at the bar with Kevin.

CLAIRE
Why don’t you go and talk to him?

ANGELA
He fired me.

At the bar:

EDDIE
I fired her.

KEVIN
Go and talk to her.

EDDIE
No.

KEVIN
Do it.

EDDIE
No!

KEVIN
Do it!

EDDIE
Alright!

Eddie spins around, banging straight into-

EDDIE
Claire.

CLAIRE
Hi, Eddie.

EDDIE
Sorry I fired your friend.

CLAIRE
That’s OK.

EDDIE
It wasn’t me, though.

CLAIRE
I know. But you should apologise.

EDDIE
Right.

He turns back to Kevin, only to be turned back to Claire.

CLAIRE
She’s that way.

KEVIN
(handing him a drink)
Here.

EDDIE
Ah, thanks mate.

KEVIN
It’s for her.

EDDIE
Oh. But she’ll think I’m plying her
with drink to bribe her to like me more.

CLAIRE
Yes, but she likes drink.
She’ll probably like the bribing part as well.
Especially from you.

EDDIE
She will...what?

KEVIN & CLAIRE
Go!

EDDIE
Alright!

Eddie takes himself and the drink towards Angela.
He stops at her table. Places the drink down. Waits. Turns.
Begins to leave.

ANGELA
Hey!

Eddie freezes. He turns, meekly smiling.

EDDIE
Hi.

ANGELA
You sacked me.

Eddie goes all weasly and sits next to her.

EDDIE
Honestly, it wasn’t me.

ANGELA
I know, I know, it was Jerry.

EDDIE
It really was. I don’t have the power to sack people.
I’m just a supervisor. I count the money and run around
like a blue-arsed fly when Jerry tells me to do something
because I’m pathetic and weak.
If I’d had a choice I would have sacked Miles
from Customer Service.


ANGELA
But you didn’t?

EDDIE
No. Here.
(pushes drink towards her.)
Peace offering. Claire said you liked...
well, whatever that is.


Angela downs it.

EDDIE
You’re welcome.

Angela slams the glass on the table.

ANGELA
Oh God!

EDDIE
What? What? You’re not going to be sick?

ANGELA
Are they kissing?

Eddie turns. Claire is snogging Kevin’s face off. Eddie and Angela sit there wide-mouthed.

ANGELA
She’s meant to be supporting me getting
my kicks! Not getting her own!

At the bar:

Claire pulls away from Kevin.

CLAIRE
Did it work?

The two turn to Angela and Eddie who are still shocked,
staring at them. Kevin is a little shocked himself.

CLAIRE
Damn. OK, I have an idea.

Claire grabs Kevin’s hand and pulls him to Angela’s table.

CLAIRE
We’re going now. Together. Off to Kevin’s.
I’m sure you’ll find some way of sorting yourselves out.
It’s going to get a little heated at yours,
Eddie, so I wouldn’t come home any time soon.

EDDIE
Oh, God, why would you tell me that?

CLAIRE
Bye!

Claire drags Kevin out of the pub.

EXT. PUB - NIGHT

Claire and Kevin fall laughing out of the pub.

CLAIRE
Ha ha! I think they really fell for it!
They think we’re going home together.

KEVIN
(serious)
Oh, I thought we really were.
(off her surprise)
Ha ha fooled you!

CLAIRE
(laughing hysterically)
Come on, you can walk we home, loverboy.

They head off in fits down the street.

INT. PUB - NIGHT

Angela and Eddie sit twiddling thumbs at the table.

ANGELA
Hah! Some friends huh? They bring us
out then leave us here alone, together...alone...

EDDIE
Yeah, and he owes me a drink.
(beat)
What did you mean getting your kicks?

ANGELA
Well we were meant to come to so I could
get horribly plastered and on the
off-chance you showed up to talk to you.

EDDIE
Hey, me too!

ANGELA
No!

EDDIE
Yeah!

ANGELA
Really?

EDDIE
Yes!

They stare into each others eyes...move closer...closer...they bang their teeth.

ANGELA
Ow.

EDDIE
...Not meant to happen.

ANGELA
Drinks.

She leaves to get some. Eddie mock beats himself up.

EXT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT - NIGHT

Kevin and Claire stop outside the building.

CLAIRE
Well, this is me. It’s been a fun night,
I’m sure those kids will get it on anytime soon.

KEVIN
I bloody hope so. All I hear is how much
 he likes Angela, day in day out.

CLAIRE
Same. Except Eddie.

KEVIN
Yeah.

Pause.

CLAIRE
See you then. Thanks for walking me home.

She enters her building. Kevin waits until she is gone,
then crosses over the road and enters his building.

INT. PUB - NIGHT

Eddie returns to his seat.

ANGELA
What did you put on?

EDDIE
You’ll see.

“I’ve had the time of my life” starts playing on the jukebox.

ANGELA
Oh, God, you didn’t pick this did you?

EDDIE
(sheepish)
...No, of course not. Hate this song.
Mine’s coming up in a few...
So, do you know what you’re going to do now,
employment-wise?

ANGELA
Not yet. I suppose get another job where
I’m told what to do by some unbelievably
arrogant, self-interested toss-pot.

Slight wet-fish on face syndrome for Eddie.

ANGELA
Jerry.

EDDIE
Oh...I see, I thought, ha, well you know...ha...

He downs his drink.

ANGELA
You know, maybe we should go back to mine...
get a little peace and quiet maybe...

EDDIE
Uh, yeah, OK.

They leave.

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Angela and Eddie enter. She throws her coat over a chair.

ANGELA
Make yourself at home.

Eddie sits, gazing around at the room. He looks at
little uncomfortable. Angela enters with two glasses
of wine, hands one to Eddie.

ANGELA
I hope you like cabernet.

EDDIE
Uh, yeah, sure.

ANGELA
Our last bottle. Seem to be going through
it like water recently.


EDDIE
Your flat’s nice. I like the...red.
(pause)
Sofa’s comfy too--

Angela’s lips are suddenly on his. He is frozen shocked,
trying not to spill his wine, she’s very enthusiastic.
She pulls away, sits back, mulling silently over the
experience. Eddie hasn’t moved. Angela looks slightly confused.

ANGELA
How was it?

EDDIE
Yeah, was alright.

Angela downs her wine. Eddie follows suit. She gets up.

ANGELA
Come on.

Bemused, Eddie follows her into:

INT. ANGELA’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Angela closes the door shut. She practically leaps on Eddie,
him struggling to stay standing. She paws at him, he tries
to clumsily remove her clothes. She pulls at his shirt,
popping a couple of buttons off.

ANGELA
Oh, oops, sorry.

EDDIE
That’s - that’s alright.

They try again. He lays her down on the bed, fondling
her breasts uncomfortably. She tries to pull at his trousers.
This is not working. They stop.

ANGELA
Are you feeling...anything?

EDDIE
(restrained)
...No.

He rolls over onto his back, lying next to her.

ANGELA
I think there’s only one thing for it.

INT. KEVIN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Very loud ecstasy screams.

Claire and Kevin, in a mass of sweaty skin, pull away
from each other, collapsing exhausted on the bed.

CLAIRE
Oh my God!

Kevin can only making a mumbling, panting sound as
he struggles to reload on oxygen.

CLAIRE
You know, Angela might be right about this
supermarket worker thing.


INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Gunfire. Shouts of “Yes, yes that’s it”, “That way, you’re there!”.

EDDIE
Yeah! Operative completed!

Angela has the controls to a Nintendo Wii in her hands.
She and Eddie dance around the room in joy.

ANGELA
OK, OK, your turn.

She hands him the controls, swigs a beer. He stances, staring
at the TV screen.

EDDIE
Alright. I’m going in.

He presses the button.

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Eddie wakes up. He glances at Angela - asleep on the other sofa.
Empty beer bottles litter the room with munchy food packets.
Eddie gets up and quietly leaves.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

Eddie crosses, only to pass Claire on the way.

EDDIE
Oh, hi.

CLAIRE
Hello.

EDDIE
Did you...have a good night?

CLAIRE
Yes, it was good.

EDDIE
Could you tell Angela I’m sorry about
leaving the mess, I didn’t want to wake her up.

CLAIRE
Yes, absolutely. If you could...
(signals back to Eddie’s flat)
...let Kevin know...

EDDIE
Yeah sure. Bye then.

CLAIRE
Bye.

They separate.

INT. ANGELA AND CLAIRE’S FLAT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Claire enters. Angela is just getting up.

CLAIRE
Hey you.

Claire shuts the door quietly, then turns to Angela.
They both jump around in a girly way screaming, hug
each other then drop onto the sofa. Heavy exhaling.

ANGELA
Such a good night.

CLAIRE
Hell yes.

ANGELA
I thought you were joking about going back to Kevin’s.

CLAIRE
I was.

ANGELA
So, was it good?

CLAIRE
All I can tell you is that we sanded
his floor through his carpet. You?

ANGELA
Amazing. God bless Nintendo.

CLAIRE
Wha-? I’m having images, tell me
you were playing the games on it.

ANGELA
(laughing hysterically)
Of course. I’ve got enough toys to not
have to convert to a vibrating console.

CLAIRE
So are you two...going out now or...?

ANGELA
What? Hell no. We are incompatible at sex
but at Red Steel, we rock.

They laugh.

INT. EDDIE AND KEVIN’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Eddie is sat eating breakfast watching morning television.
Kevin exits his room.

KEVIN
Hey.

EDDIE
Hey.

KEVIN
Good night?

EDDIE
Yeah, played the Wii.

KEVIN
Before or after?

EDDIE
Instead.

KEVIN
Ah.

EDDIE
You?

KEVIN
Don’t really remember before or after.

EDDIE
Nice.

Kevin goes to the kitchen and Eddie sits chomping away.
              
THE END


Reviews
crushing
Written by jamabug (4 comments posted) 7th February 2010
Hi Jess; 
 
I like the unexpected ending. It goes very well with the title. Crushes are painful, "If they were anything else, they would be called something else." 
 
Cheers, 
Jama
GREAT
Written by Bazza (11 comments posted) 16th February 2010
I really love this script, I really enjoyed it. 
 
WELL DONE :grin :p 8) ;) ;)

Written by remoh (135 comments posted) 17th February 2010
it's a really funny script and it is waiting to be made into a tv show. i will look out for your name in the future. you are very funny and know how to keep things interesting.  
i liked the first act more than the second.  
learned something about script writing 
really enjoyed it 
Regards  
remoh

Written by JayOTee (2 comments posted) 2nd March 2010
:grin Thanks all! I really appreciate you taking the time to review my work.  
 
@Jama - I wish some of my own crushes ended in playing the Wii, they would have been much more interesting! It actually didn't have a title until about three months ago, but it's pretty apt and seemingly staring me in the face for years! 
 
@Bazza - Thank you for reading! I do it all for everyone else! (Well, almost...me too, y'know) 
 
@remoh - I never really thought about it as a TV show, but you never know... Just wondering, what was it about the first act you preferred to the second? It's always good to know. And I'm glad you feel you've learnt something about script writing too! I'm doing a couple or projects at the moment which are highly promising so my name may be floating around at some point in the next year... 
 
Jess :) :)

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