Just a bit of fun!
Life's not so bad when you think about it. Well, okay some folks ain't got it too good, but I've had a decent one. Being a left Nipple has worked out well for me. Gary, the right nipple, hasn't had it that great, but then if you had a ring rammed through you, you wouldn't be too bloody happy either. For fricks sake, he had a massive metal hoop going straight through him. That must've bloody hurt. I used too hear him cry sometimes, late at night, when he thought I was sleeping. I couldn't help think at the time that he was destined for nothing but misery.
He did have one moment of short lived happiness. When we were younger, he got all excited because he was the first one to get a hair. He boasted that he must be the more mature, sophisticated nipple as he'd developed earlier. As I watched him proudly examine his new found glory, I didn't have the heart to tell him that our owner would be none to happy. In fact I think she was going to be furious. It only took a matter of hours before she took a pair of sharp looking scissors to it. In her haste and presumable anger she nicked Gary, right across the forehead. Poor bugger was inconsolable.
That was only one of the many things Gary has gone through. There are so many instances like that and yet I've lived a happy, carefree existence. I mean how unfair can life be for you when he can't even sunbathe without getting burnt. It was the first and last time we were ever out in the full glare of the sun and the wee lad gets sizzled like a slice of Pepperoni. I was fine, I loved every second of it. In fact it's one of my fondest memories. It's not often we get outside to see the sun without some sort of protective gear on. Bloody bras, they're worse than Haz-Mat suits. They're suffocating, clammy and when she wears her cheap ones, just damn uncomfortable. But still that was a great day. To feel the sunshine on my face was fantastic, almost erotic. I tell you I was out and proud that day.
Anyway, I knew for a while he was depressed but I just didn't realise how much. I think the final straw was when he got caught in a drawer. She was rummaging around, in one of her moods again, and was leaning over into this drawer and just slammed it shut. Gary let out a blood curling howl and then just fainted dead away. When he came round he was bruised and puffy looking. I felt so sorry for him. Nothing I said could get a response from him, but I now realise that incident gave him an idea, a way out of his misery.
What I realised later was that she hadn't actually caught Gary in the drawer, it was just his ring. The ring in turn had torn a good chunk out of him and thus his way out was devised.
We don't really have much say over our movements but we can swing ourselves a bit. Side to side is easiest but with a bit of exertion we can manage up and down as well. Gary's plan was simple. The next time the rough hands of the boyfriend were touching him up, Gary would try to adjust himself so that the ring on the pervy boyfriends hand would get caught up with his ring. Once latched together his ring would be ripped free and he would be all but dead. Sadly his plan didn't quite go as he wanted it to.
He did manage to manoeuvre himself to get the rings to snag on each other, unfortunately, the force wasn't enough to kill him. His ring was ripped from him, but it was a clean tear of the skin and she was able to get to the hospital quick enough. I remember seeing Gary almost sheared in two, looking lifeless despite the blood that was slowly flowing from his wound.
***
Gary is only half-dead now. He can't move or talk and I'm not entirely sure there's anything of the old Gary left, but for whatever reason he clings to this pathetic life with a determination that reminds me of his suicide attempt.
That whole incident left me pondering the meaning of life and what's after it. I've decided I like the look of reincarnation, the idea that we can be re-born as anything is really intriguing. I'm really hoping that when I come back I'll be a Clitoris, those buggers have all the fun!
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Hilarious Written by Asferthecat (876 comments posted) 8th February 2010 | I loved the idea of this. A nipple trying to commit suicide? How surreal can you get. So, nipples are male are they? That's an unsettling thought. Great story | Written by Nick (786 comments posted) 8th February 2010 | Thanks Asferthecat, glad you enjoyed. It's not much of a story, I only wrote it to distract me from something bigger I was failing to write!! Nick | Written by ianhobsonuk (386 comments posted) 9th February 2010 | Poor Gary, he must have felt like a right tit. Your writing/story (obviously inspired by the excellent George Harrison song) flows well, but you could have used ‘fucks’ instead of ‘fricks’, I doubt if anyone would mind. One typo: none to happy. Ian Guiseley, UK
| Very original! Written by Foofighterfan96 (2 comments posted) 9th February 2010 | I loved this. I clicked on this out of curiosity, and I'm glad I did. Once you begin to read, you have to finish it. As a woman myself, it was very...uncomfortable to read, quite surreal, but still really good! | Written by Nick (786 comments posted) 10th February 2010 | Ian/FooFighter - Thanks for the comments. Ian - I wanted to post something that didn't having swearing in it for a change. Fuck probably does work better though. FooFighter - Glad you enjoyed - Surreal is always fun - Oh and welcome to GW! Nick | Written by diggersjcb (3 comments posted) 24th February 2010 | | Original and funny. Can't believe I've found myself empathising with a nipple. Liked how the epilogue moved the reader from a (very unusual might I add) sense of sympathy to laughing out loud at the idea of nipple/clitoral reincarnation. | Nipple Empathy! Written by Nick (786 comments posted) 26th February 2010 | Thanks for the review Diggers - Glad you enjoyed. Oh and welcome to GW! Nick | Written by Merioneth (137 comments posted) 17th April 2010 | Usually I only laugh out loud when there's someone around to see. Laughing in my mind usually suffices. Reading this story, I was overcome by an unexpected but much-appreciated "ha!". ~Meri | Written by Nick (786 comments posted) 18th April 2010 | Once again - thanks Meri. Of course what you don't know is that in this day and age there's always someone watching!! So my advice is to laugh like a lunatic and lick your windows - That'll stop them watching you....or get you more of an audience - either, it's all good. Cheers again. Nick | Written by Merioneth (137 comments posted) 18th April 2010 | Of course I do know there's always someone watching, and that person is probably quite bored. I laugh like a lunatic and lick windows so much that Aphex Twin wrote a song about me. But my viewers seem terribly unimpressed. Well, I've still got my neighbor's dog to converse with. ~Meri |
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