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By john7
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08 February 2010 |
I used to see this lady walking just outside Oxford, laden down with all her possessions in about six plastic shopping bags, Then at a small parade of shops she would sort throigh the litter bins until she finds a copy of the Times or Guardian then sit's and reads it.
The Bag Lady.
Who is this lady?
Where is her home?
Does she have family?
Why does she roam?
Her belongings she carries
Every mile that she walk's
Never stopping to gossip
Rarely stopping to talk,
Her bags are her sideboard,
they contain all her home,
It's is all she possess
It's all that she owns.
When the rain falls at night time,
Where does she sleep?
When its time for a meal
Where does she eat?
For washing and toilet
There are places near by
But you need to pay money
There must be times she could cry,
Our lives are in order
Our house is our home
Not like this poor lady
Who's destined to roam.
Shoes are in tatters,
Worn down at the heel
Feet that's neglected,
Walking now an ordel,
Her skin is all shrivelled
Burnt brown by the sun,
Someone must love her
There must be someone
People in power
With a country estate
You must help the homeless
Before it's to late.
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Hey!
Written by toggle (141 comments posted) 8th February 2010 | | Good on you for looking - for taking the time to look at what most people ignore on their way to the station/the shops/their way HOME! I like this poem - I like it because it has a bit of bite, a bit of politics at its heart and there simply isn't enough of that (in my opinion!) Always watch the small stuff, get angry and keep writing. I'm really pleased to see this here and who am I to criticise the structure/content/rhyme. You had something to say and you said it - loud and clear. Great! |
Written by wendycat (2302 comments posted) 14th February 2010 | I'm going to sound a bit harsh now, but my comments are meant to help not hurt.
It's good to have a social concience and I won't take anything away from the content, as, like Toggle says, people don't look at what is around them. But (and it's a big but) the subject has been done to death and I don't think you are bringing anything new to the table with this one. I like the way you have chosen a specific person to write about, that gives me something to connect to, a person that I can imagine. But the last question and the assumption that all those who live in country estate houses don't have a social concience because they are wealthy is a bit sweeping, i think Bill gates for example gives half of what he earns to charity, and that's a LOT of money.
The rhyme scheme and the questions running through it are a bit predictable and (sorry) a bit childish, they are telling the reader what to think rather than directing them to the poverty of this poor lady.
You've twisted the syntax in places to fit the rhyme, but it just makes it read unnaturally which is a bit off putting. And there are quite a few cliches in here as well.
Sorry, might be worth a re-write.
Wendy
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Written by angela (148 comments posted) 19th February 2010 | I had the opposite reaction to Wendy, as I enjoyed the fact that the poem was such 'easy reading' on a subject that may be well covered, but often in a more heavy and profound way. I like simplicity in a poem as I read for a break from heavy thinking and planning, so 'on a plate' thinking has it's place, and definately worked for me. I think the title "The Bag Lady" implies that same simplistic style, and doesn't disappoint.
I do think that Wendy has a good point about the final 'statement of responsibilty'. You have the opportunity to speak to the wider audience (the simple folk like me) so I wonder if this might work "Our country at large, please don't seal their fate, we must help the homeless before its too late"
alwasy, hopes it helps. great work and I'm waiting for your next.
angela |
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