HI EVERYONE - Just a short piece to dip my toe in the water here. I am a great fan of Alan Bennett, particularly his monologues, and I wrote this some time ago for a miniwords competition. I`ll leave you to decide how it faired!
I`ve just had another call from Allison. Can I do June the tenth.Mauve and cream arrangement on the top table and twenty-one buttonholes. That`s one wedding a month now and it`s only February. Still the money will come in handy, what with David being up at the University and Bill on the Benefit. Chemistry he`s doing, our David. I look at his books sometimes when I`m giving his room a bit of a tidy and I can`t make head nor tails of `em. Bill helps him a bit with his formulas and things, him having worked up at the chemical plant all those years. It makes him feel a bit useful, especially now he hasn`t got the energy to help around the house like he used to. Anyway I`ll have to go because the phone`s ringing again and I promised Bill I`d get him a bit of smoked haddock for his tea.....
If JK Rowling can do it......
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And the rest
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 6th April 2006 |
| This is more Alan Bennet than JK Rowling (I prefer Bennet myself) There isn't really enough here to judge. The thing with the monologue style is the subtext of the piece which is revealed along the way and we haven't come to that yet. It's a good beginning, intoducing us to the characters and telling us a bit about them but that's all it is. You need to put the rest of it up. |
just a minilogue
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 6th April 2006 |
thanks for the comments bottleblondesurfer. (looking at the posts I bet it`s a long time since you were given your full title!). I`m afraid there is no more. The brief was to do a monologue in under two hundred words so it had to be pretty concise. I have often looked at it ( It was published in an anthology) and thought about expanding it, and now thanks to you, I think I`ll get off my arse and do it!
If JK Rowling can do it..... |
Good idea
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 6th April 2006 |
I agree with blondebobbieshelmet that it's a good start but it would be nice to have a bit more so you feel like you've actually read summat.
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Arnold Bennett? Gordon Bennett!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 7th April 2006 |
Liked it Woody, but I was a bit short to make anything but a cusory judgement. One thing does stand out for me however. Is this meant to be a parody? As opposed to a piece in the style of Alan Bennett? If it is, you are succeeding rather too well in my opinion.If not you may have to think of getting off a slobbering letter of apology and bone up on the legal pitfalls of impersonation. As for JoRo, remember the truth is she did have a lot of disappointments before she hit the jackpot. Well done.
My compliments to you.
Gerard Connolly. |
RUMBLED!
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 7th April 2006 |
Damn it! OK I`ll come clean - I AM Alen Bennett. I thought I`d travel this site incognito, free from fawning adulation and people incessantly craving the secrets of my unbridled success...seriously though Gerard parody was a none starter when I wrote this piece but I suppose being such an admirer of the man`s work I may have heard voices (!) whilst compiling the piece. Finally thanks for the comments from you and givitsum and how is the cybersoap idea coming along....
now, what was the name of that lawyer.... |
On Hold.
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 7th April 2006 |
| Cyber show is currently 'ON HOLD' as none of us are talking to brook_rivers until she puts up some more hilarious episodes of Fasten Your Seatbelt. |
shocking!
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 8th April 2006 |
| I am shocked that you are holding this poor girl to ransom like this. Have you not considered the anxiety and stress she must be going through, sat in her freezing garret trying to conjure up something to equal or even surpass her previous efforts. It must be bad enough not knowing if she`s a brook or a river without this added burden.....Good luck with the project. I`m sure with such talent around the idea will be a winner when it surfaces again. (I suppose I shouldn`t be using this review section for idle banter so please forgive me). |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 9th April 2006 |
"idle banter "
My favourite prog rock group from the 70s are they making a comeback. |
proper names
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 9th April 2006 |
`idle banter`
I come from an era when groups had `proper` names like the `Dave Clark Five`and `The Searchers (!)
I have just heard something on the radio the DJ had the temerity to call music from someone (or something) called `Garbage`
happy writing |
Nice!
Written by Pat (11 comments posted) 10th April 2006 |
I liked it! I like that in a short para that we have an idea of Bill (and the fact that he is not all that well) Allison, David and the protaganist. It makes me want to read more.
Take care  |
will expand
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 11th April 2006 |
thanks for the comments Pat (and for getting this review back on line!) I am in the process of expanding the piece and will post, eventually... Liked your thought-provoking piece. Still quite a contentious issue I would imagine. Some friends of mine have just come back from S Africa and they fell in love with the country.
happy writing.. |
Hello Woody again.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 19th April 2006 |
Good use of colloquial English, reflect more accurately how life is spoken than many pieces written in what I call "Writers Evening class plue perfect",
Brian |
proper english
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 19th April 2006 |
thanks for your comments Brian. I like this form of writing and find my fingers glide much more readily over the keyboard than when I am trying to `force` a piece along. Sorry my `remembering harry` didn`t hit the mark. I would like to think it is a subtle bit of writing but perhaps that sounds a little pretentious. Perhaps I get too caught up in the story sometimes and leave a little too much for the reader to fathom out...
happy writing....
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Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
Oooh, it's such an effort, all that Alan Bennett whiny, strained voice.... flashed up in the "work awaiting review" box this morning - your first contribution to GW - a great little starter; the tone is perfect, and nice the way it tails off with the bit o' smoked haddock - you done any more of these?
The reviews were interesting too. Seems like there was a fair a bit o' banter with/at the expense of brook and gwynn in them days. No idea what it was about, but I'll check out "Fasten Your Seatbelt". Is it the self-built PC that's keeping you away, or are you, as I suspect, working on something more extended? |
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