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By paulwalker
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11 April 2006 |
Hi
I was very pleased with the overall response from What do you want??? so thought it time to introduce another of my characters.
This one is probably a bit more developed than mike the barman, although doesnt quite have the impact with the catchphrases. so bit of a different appraoch.
I generally get very good response to this one when ive shown to friends etc so i hope you feel the same. Cabbage man
This sketch is about a man who, despite his best efforts not to, reeks of cabbage.
Cabbage man walks into a shop one day.
Cabbage man: Good morning, I am interested in buying one of your lovely cakes I see displayed in the window. I wonder; how much does the large chocolate gateaux cost?
Shopkeeper; eeerrgghh, what’s that smell??? It stinks of cabbage!! It must be you (points at cabbage man) as I couldn’t smell it before you came in, and now that you are inside my shop I can smell it very strongly.
Cabbage man; madam I can assure you, I take the utmost care in looking after my personal hygiene.
Shopkeeper; well it doesn’t bloody smell like it you revolting bastard. Get out of my shop before I shoot you, your making all my wares smell of cabbage!!!
In shame Cabbageman leaves the shop. Later when his spirits have perked up again he decides he would like to know the time, and not having a watch himself asks a passing youth for the time of day.
Cabbageman; excuse me young man, I wonder would you be so kind as to inform of the time?
Youth; my god, what is that smell?? It’s like the worst rotten cabbage smell ever!!! You smelly bastard, I hate you!!!
At this the youth strikes out at cabbageman hitting him forcefully in the face. Suddenly other youths appear from around the corner and being equally as offended by the terrible smell coming from cabbageman they too join in the violence and soon cabbageman is being soundly beaten by 10 agile young men.
At this point in the sketch we see a close up of cabbageman receiving his hiding and we are treated to close ups of his nose being completely pulverized and all his teeth being knocked out and stuff, all in slow-motion and to dramatic music.
Cabbage man screams (the sound is drawn out and low frequency as its in slow motion): nooooooooorrrrrruuuurrrrrrgggghhhh.
The scene ends.
(I wanted to have cabbageman actually die at the end. This would have climaxed the scene well but then of course I couldn’t use the character anymore!! So a bit of a dilemma. Unless of course he is always resurrected without question, like Kenny from South Park.
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How do you do it?
Written by gwynn1970 ( comments posted) 11th April 2006 | I must say you are rather prolific at writing these amusing stories. I tend to only be able to write one every few weeks but I think its very clever if you can write them quick like what you can.
I'm glad you didn't kill Cabbage Man off as I'm sure we all like to see more of his hilarious antics and cabbage odour related escapades.
Well done, almost as funny as the exploding toilet in Fasten Your Seatbelt. | A bit more work
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5082 comments posted) 12th April 2006 | I thought cabbageman was a little underdeveloped leaving questions unanswered. Is he Savoy,Curly Kale,Sprouting Broccolli or of foreign extraction, Sauerkraut. This coud explain the attack.They al have
their own particular smell.
And don't worry about killing him off he could always come back as Coleslaw, that really does smell disgusting | Suggestions
Written by givitsum ( comments posted) 12th April 2006 | Hi Paul. It looks like you're new here, so welcome.
Might I suggest you scroll down a bit and read what everybody said to brook_rivers in her Fast Food Restaurant Sketch some months ago. It may save us all a bit of time on this one, as it basically applies to this piece aswell.
Just need to make it funny now and you're up & running.
| many thanks
Written by paulwalker (42 comments posted) 12th April 2006 | Thanks guys, you are very kind with your words of encouragment. I thought everyone would love this character as hes one of my most succesful creations.
I actually have some interest from a tv production company so could stand to make a pretty penny.
Gwynn, you ask how i maintain a high level of comedy on a regular basis. I'm always happy to help those willing to learn more about this tricky field.
My method is simply to visualise 'funny'. What is 'funny', where does it come from and what does it mean. Try and 'be' 'funny'. Then once you have it apply the concept to an everyday situation, as per Mike the barman and Cabbageman, and bang! along comes a great idea, and thusly, great writing occurs!
Bottle person, your coleslaw idea is genius. I plan to use it when this gets published.
| Where is the Cabbageman
Written by gwynn1970 ( comments posted) 20th April 2006 | I hope this isn't going to be like Fasten Your Seatbelt where we only get the occasional nugget once every blue moon because I like him, I think he's very amusing and would make a great TV show.
Gwynn
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Written by paulwalker (42 comments posted) 20th April 2006 | Thanks Gwynn,
I know that cabbageman was hugley popular with lots of people. I got a lot of private messages saying this was one of the best they had seen.
I will therefore to endevour to post some more of his escapades. | Huh?
Written by givitsum ( comments posted) 20th April 2006 | "I do get lots of private messages saying this was one of the best they had seen."
(Sorry, hate to sound like BottleBillWerbenuik with the quotes)
I guess the Helen Keller school of typing has been busy then this week?
Chortle
GVTSM | many thanks
Written by paulwalker (42 comments posted) 20th April 2006 | Thanks Givitsum. Excuse my typos, they would indeed make Helen proud. If available in brail format of course.
Yes i agree, this character is hilarious and the potential is vast indeed.
i may dip into my other idea and add the zany tie component to this sketch. That should really spice it up.
Paul |
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