Mid Flight and an Alcatrez Airways plane is experiencing major difficulties with turbulence due to an unexpected thunderstorm.

Scene begins with the passengers starting to look very frightened.

Many bottle blonde size 8 air stewardesses are hurrying up and down the aisles trying to reassure people, packing away the lunch trolleys ect.

The turbulence becomes increasingly worse. Young children are crying hysterically, a few girls in their 20’s are screaming every few seconds, one guy is on his knees praying, and another man, after being detained from going to the toilets, clearly hasn’t been able to control his bowels.

The airhead stewardesses go to the front of the plane to sit down and secure themselves in seats. Facing the wailing passengers they are doing an appalling job of keeping their unnatural smiles fixed to their faces. It looks as this is game over for those on board.

An announcement goes out over the tannoy, it is the captain speaking. In these situations it is the norm for the captain to sound calm & reassuring, after all this is what the main part of the training focuses on - sounding good. However, the Captain is stuttering a lot and sounds slightly drunk & very desperate:

‘captain sss speakin’ we are experience some turbulence…I’d like to say it was all all… in cccc…control…but..but …unfortunately …I’m…I’m… afraid… to say well …ITS ALL OVER RASH LANDING CRASH LANDING!!!...[the sound of someone hastily turning off the tannoy]

One lady vomits at this news, many people go pale and the wailing increases along with people in severe shock and panic.

All of a sudden a tall, towering, well build black man (who looks similar to Lenny Henry, except with a better physic as he is not under the influence of Dawn French) prances out of the captain’s cabin with a soppy grin on his face. He is dressed in an air steward’s uniform, and it becomes apparent that he is indeed an air steward.

Lloyd: [this is the unusual stewards name. In a very camp voice that does not match his looks. He beams at all the frightened passengers & announces]: Hello everybody. My name is Lloyd and I bring news from the Captain. He assures me everything is under control and we will be right again shortly. [beams again]

An angry larger lout type man aggressively shouts: Oi, U liar, the Captain’s just told us we’re all gunna cop it!

Lloyd looks very confused and directs a look towards his colleagues who nod their heads grimly. By this time Lloyds is very unsteady on his feet and has nearly fallen over several times in a comical slapstick manner

Lloyd: Ok everybody lets just calm down!

One small child sitting in the front row timidly says to Lloyd: ‘please. I’m very frightened’ At this point a bolt of lightening flashes past one of the windows and the crying escalates.

Lloyd looks very bemused for a second and for a moment it seems as if he too is going to give way to despair and cry his heart out. But Lloyd is a very upbeat positive person and instantly knows what to do:

[In his campest voice ever]: Ok everybody, so we are all feeling scared, if these indeed are to be are last moments, which I’m sure they are not, lets unite together and enjoy them. Now when I’m scared or frightened there is always one thing that cheers me up! I’m sure you all know what I mean … now 1 2 3

[Lloyd now launches into his best Julie Andrews impersonation with a rendition of ‘these are a few of my favourite things’]

Lloyd: brown paper packages tied up with strings, thes are a few of my favourite things…COME ON EVERYBODY JOIN IN!!!

[amazingly several people start to sing with him, then the other air hostesses join IN AND EVERNTUALLY EVERYBODY IS CHEERFULLY SINGING AWAY NEARLY FORGETTING THE PERIL THEY ARE IN & LLOYD YET AGAIN HAS DONE A VERY GOOD JOB OF KEEPING THE CUSTOMERS HAPPY AS THEY ALL ABSURDLY SING WHILE THE PLANE NOSE DIVES TO ITS FATE]