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Wurzelled by the Mangold - A Monologue
By BlondeBimbo
13 April 2006
A little experiment with a couple of scenarios I overheard recently. Light hearted, does need editing.Cool

That really hurt.
 
No really.
 
I think there’s a dent in my head.  You wouldn’t think a baby beet could be so dangerous.   The way that bloody loading machine shoots those steaming roots into the trays.  Like on the telly.  Those tennis ball thingies American’s always have. “Phut “ they go, elephant farts.  “Phut”.
 
Wonder if I’ll get compensation?  I could sue.  Perhaps the papers will get involved.  “Pensioner Beaten by Baby Beet”.  What was she doing at the pickle factory?  They’ll say.  Visiting her daughter.  The owner.  Suing her own daughter?  Whatever next. Maybe not.  What would the kids say?  Probably never see them again.
 
That really hurts.  Wonder why it’s so quiet?  How the hell did I get here?
 
I mustn’t forget to tell her about the call.  Fancy him ringing.  “Mrs Cole”, he said.  “Mrs Sheila Cole.”  Sounded like a policeman.  Well he is a policeman, so I suppose he would.  Haven’t seen him since Cyril’s funeral.  Never been close.  Fancy someone with the same name as me, same maiden name as well, dying.  Did he expect me to answer the phone and say “Yes, that’s right.  I died last week”.  Funny boy.
 
You’d think she’s help her old Mum.  Where’s she gone?
 
Phut.
 
Wonder what elephant farts smell like?
 
Always wanted to go to Africa.  “Born free, free as the wind blows…”
 
He was a lovely man, Matt Munro, lovely hands.  The way his fingers fondled those sexy shiny keys!
 
Same name.  Same city.  How come I never met her?  The other Sheila Cole.  Wonder what her husband was like?  Did she have kids?  I wonder if she had a good life?  Mine’s been okay I suppose.  Could’ve been better.  I could have married Martin Lake and retired to a farmhouse in France.  But would I have had a daughter like Nina?  Such a success.  Good, solid marriage, lovely, pretty children, great business.  Makes me so proud.  So very proud.
 
“NINA!”
“I’m here, Nina.   Over here!  Where are you going?”
 
“No!  Nina, don’t cry.  It wasn’t me, he made a mistake.  It was the other Sheila.    Nina!  Why can’t you hear me?  NINA!  I’m not…”
 
 

Reviews
almost there
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3288 comments posted) 13th April 2006
It might be my computer but I had to scroll right down to find the story. I clicked onto your story and it was blank at first.  
Do they really do that in pickle factories? have the beets flying around like that, obviously non-union. I found it a little confusing, as you say needs editing or formatting,was it a monologue or was it two people. It helps to put some explanation and action in brackets so we know what's happening. I got the feeling it was one of those bemused monologues a la Alan Bennet (I just say that for reference I'm not comparing) I took to the character and there were some really funny moments but it does need some more explanation esp at the end. Did she get whacked by a flying beet in the end,what a way to go!  
Suggest some remedial work and put it up again. I think it's got "legs"
I'm with BBS
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 13th April 2006
In particular, I can't work out the phone call allusion.  
 
If she or the other Mrs Sheila Cole were dead (ignoring the fact that the police always send somebody round to communicate bad news.Which is not material), why would the Policeman ask for the dead person and not their next of kin? 
 
Brian. 
 

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