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TO RERUN MY PAST AND TO THINK OF MY FUTURE |
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By Nance
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15 April 2006 |
I truly ask to leave your opinions whatever they are.
Yesterday I was another person. People watched me regarding as one belonging to the common class. And I even got used. Now I am asking myself – what happened to me? Why haveI forgetten those brilliant days when my life washed over and nobody dared to call me “ordinary”?
I am not sure about what changed me. I rarely smile, and have no desire to oppose to all screaming unfairness. Does that mean that, early or late, it had to occur? But I feel it’s not true.
Some time before I used to analyse my mistakes and find the most appropriate way to alterations. Of course, I wasn’t so independent, so self-sufficient as now. But currently I sense that nobody needs such me – independent and self-sufficient. Guys require a girl able to lie on their shoulders, to rely on them, to let them stroke her, to face their missteps. My soul simply will never wend its way through life like this. My heart has become too free, and my pride, I do feel, has deafened my conscience.
My mother often says me that someday I will have to marry somebody who may refer to other kind of men than I have ever expected and has been eager to gain. And certainly I have never agreed with her. I keep living with my high ideals and unpredictable thoughts. And what is strange is that despite all my childish disappointments, this dream hasn’t worn out.
Some time ago I considered about fame. First I wanted to become a journalist, then a politician, and an actress in that order. Somehow I have always needed to achieve recognition. It was so necessary for me to perceive that people round me praised my personality, even if they crudely flattered.
These are not at all my errors, I suppose. These are just my steps through life, and I have no right to laugh at them since I have almost always made my decisions on my own. I've been able to get parents and friends to take it patiently and await until I grow.
And now I am finally mature. I strictly know what I want from life given me by God. One problem remained is that I am not so crystal honest, greatly obstinate and so awfully bold as formerly. I can see restrictions. I can hear others. And this is something that locks me inside my own fears. I don’t name them ridiculous because they still exist. And I’m glad I’ve admitted this. I am grateful to everyone who has strengthened my hope. But now I must look into the future without any aid. And what I will see there depends only on me.
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My reactions
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3288 comments posted) 17th April 2006 | Not sure what to make of this I don't like to comment on really personal writing, but you asked for a response.
Dont worry about being called ordinary, (when you have kids ordinary is the highest compliment you can get!)
Not sure how old you are but I'm guessing just past adolescence, which is a questioning time , be prepared not to like the answers.I will ignore the slightly muddled english.
"My mother often says me that someday I will have to marry somebody who will be liable to refer to other kind of men than I have ever expected and has been eager to gain."
Don't really know what you wanted to say. I will just quote Lou Reed from a song "You can't always trust your mother"
And offer one bit of advice :- If you allow yourself to be defined by others you will never find peace. |
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 17th April 2006 | Thank u, and to tell the truth I no longer listen, at least I really try to. this work may be just my tale about already passed life. but what is waiting for me and my fututre acts is more interesting and more dificcult, I am sure, and i'm ready. It's pricisely that sort of feeling when you're convinced you're prepared to your future, thoroughly!!!
besides, i'm 17
hope u're well | a mistake
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 17th April 2006 | "....what is waiting for me and my fututre acts ARE more interesting and more difficult..."
sorry
by chance  |
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