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Poetry


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The Underworld

By employee2-4601

12 April 2005

This was a working title, but it's stuck, so there.

This isn't meant to describe anything in particular, make of it what you will.

The Underworld

Down in the depths shadows dance madly,

Their inky forms flowing into one another,What once were lives now ended sadly.

Flowing freely, slowly, gladly, Into shapes never ending,

Down in the depths shadows dance madly.

Waiting for peace longingly, They cavort ceaselessly,

What once were lives now ended sadly.

Who comes now, quick and boldly?

Some stranger, he has been here before, Down in the depths shadows dance madly.

Light retreats from here timidly,

The shadows devour it readily, What once were lives now ended sadly.

Without life, the ballet moves constantly, No-one leaves, but everyone comes,

Down in the depths shadows dance madly,

What once were lives now ended sadly.

Down in the depths shadows dance madly,

What once were lives now ended sadly.

Reviews

Nice idea
Written by Betsie (30 comments posted) 14th April 2005

I think there's a poem in there but it needs a little refining.

Re: Formatting
Written by Flippy_D (14 comments posted) 15th April 2005

I wish you wouldn't double space like that. It makes it very hard to read.

I agree
Written by spiderbaby49 (137 comments posted) 15th April 2005

it makes it quite hard to work out the format of the poem. I like the half shaded, wispy imagery but I think the adverbs on all the line endings are unecessary, it looks like you are trying to force it to rhyme.

I am PMing you with some idea of how I think it could flow better.

spidey

I like it
Written by jaybug (1 comments posted) 11th November 2006

It sounds like it could be made into a song :grin

Written by employee2-4601 (37 comments posted) 11th November 2006

Funny you should mention that.
I'm in a band that has been gigging around Norwich (see www.myspace.com/thelearningcurvenorwich), and we've been trying to put this one to music.

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