READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1951 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
Salvation
By JD
23 April 2006
Sometimes in life it can take an awful long time for somebody to find their sole mate..........


Are you my dream of salvation, as long as my memory
For you I have searched within the skies above
Please forgive my sole of all past portrayal
For there is as such as a wonderful future
Free of struggle I have fallen deeply within your love
With the sun in our hands I have captured
An eager desire of only you dancing throughout minds eye
As this is for I, together, so openly written
Blinding my eyes with the truest of love
Holding knowledge that again I shall never find
I feast in aura, gaining strength with your passing presence
Firing my spirit in body that had lain dormant within
As you gently guide I toward a city
Once thought so far and yet to be travelled,
love I had never, only dreamt when seen
A place for the dove to fly and all to eternally sing
I have ended my chase of all rainbows
I serve you with deserved devotion
As I have found within you my ever searched for everything……………………
 
JD

Reviews
to JD...
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 25th April 2006
This is a beautiful piece with some gorgeous imagery, and i'm loathe to make criticism as it seems quite personal - a love letter in verse if you will. 
 
However, i hate it when critics hold back over emotion, so i'll try to tell it like it is. I only have on main problem, and that is punctuation. I hate it usually, but i feel it could be sued to great effect within this poem. you've got some great material here, it just needs some refining. 
 
I love the wording of the last line, adn some others just WORK, bar the punc thing, this is a strong work. 
 
well done, keep improving it :)  
 
x clo x
Clo
Written by JD (12 comments posted) 25th April 2006
Hi Clo, 
thank you for taking the time to read and review. 
i will look again at the poem and try to improve. 
i have many poems that are smilar to this poem so it is good to hear your voice. 
many thanks 
JD

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item