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Great Writing - Home > Comedy > Winston the Comedy pig
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Comedy
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| Winston the Comedy pig | |
| By simon.ward72 | ||||||||||||||||
| 24 April 2006 | ||||||||||||||||
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This is a delightful and humerous tale about a birthday party. Winston the pig rolled over, ate four apples, spun around and then passed wind in trombone fashion, he did this dressed in his hilarious yellow and red clown costume. The children at Roger Mattersons birthday party were in stitches and Rogers father fancied himself proud. Brian Matterson had given his son the pig as a birthday present four years ago. The child Roger had been desperate for a pet but due to his fathers unfortunate range of allergies most normal options, i.e. dog or cat, were rendered unfeasible. This had caused no end of sadness for poor little Roger however when at last Brian had chosen the pig (the idea coming after watching an episode of ‘That’s Life’ which covered the newfound suitability of such animals in the domestic scenario) it had turned out to be an inspired choice. The pig was loyal, clever, and as was being proved now, a quite uncanny entertainer. Indeed Winston had become the talk of the town and Rogers birthdays were always a big event thanks to the comedy talents of Winston. Roger had also gained respect and popularity at school and as Brian watched the other children trying to get close to his son and be first in line for his friendship he couldn’t help but bask in his own parental success. Then things took an unusual turn. Suddenly and without warning a massive hairy nonce appeared from behind a bush on the far side of the garden. The disagreeable individual wore a heavy beard and was sweating profusely. He had a dastardly glint in his eye and a clear intent to perform mischief of an inappropriate nature on one of the children. Brian saw him at once and immediately moved to apprehend the scoundrel. Unfortunately his left foot became entangled in a hose pipe and Brian crashed to the ground in a useless heap. Looking up he saw that the nonce was now dangerously close to Roger and his friends. It was at that moment that Brian made eye contact with Winston, Winston looked at the nonce and somehow seemed to understand the danger the children were in. Winston looked back at Roger, and Roger with all his will urged Winston to do something, to stop this atrocity from taking place. Winston seemed to understand and suddenly made his move. ‘Go Winston!! Get the bugger!!!’ shouted Brian as loudly as he could from his position on the floor, hosepipe still wrapped around his legs. Unfortunately for Brian it was at this precise moment that Winston’s sanity, after years of clown-suit induced humiliation, finally snapped. Instead of attacking the intruder Winston instead trotted rapidly to where Brian now lay helpless and proceeded to devour his face and upper body. All the children in the garden watched in stunned horror as the powerful beast tore Brians head into ragged pieces, which were then flung in all directions across the garden, some landing on the children themselves. The nonce got what he came for and Winston ran amok in the garden, the details of which are too gruesome to behold. Eventually the police shot Winston dead.
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