Boy  (peering from behind newspaper)...What`s carnal knowledge gran?


    Gran (busy kneading dough)...Well it`s when a young man get`s to know a young lassie..


    Boy (back behind paper)...Did grandad have carnal knowledge gran?


    Gran...Oh I ya grandad were a great one for carnal knowledge...Saturday night after the pub usually...



    (Silence for a while as boy carries on reading)...What`s F.a.l.a.t.i.o gran?


    Gran (frowning)....Sounds like some sort of foreign bean to me son..



     (Pause as boy reads a little more)...Says here gran this young lad`s mother gave him these beans every night for nearly three years.


     Gran (rolling out pastry)...Nothin else, just beans?


      Boy....Doesn`t say he had nothin` else gran


      Gran (now cutting pastry)...Poor little bugger.


      (Boy turns pages and continues to read)...There`s a bit here gran about a young girl crying. Says it`s cos she`s lost a cherry.


      Gran (slipping pastry top over apple pie base)...Most precious thing a lassie can lose son..her cherry



      Boy...have you ever lost a cherry gran?


      Gran (crimping edges of pastry)..Oh eye lad..many years ago


      Boy...Did grandad help you find it.


       Gran..No lad, it were before I met ya grandad.


     Boy..And did you cry grandma?


      Gran (brushing milk over pastry tip)..From what I remember son, we both bloody cried.



      (Boy goes back to reading paper)....Gran, what`s a transvestite..


     Gran (picking up apple pie)....now just you put that paper down lad and open yon oven door...