Great Writing - Home > Comedy > Innovation in the Service Industry
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 967 guests online and 1 member online
Comedy
Innovation in the Service Industry
By Bottleblondesurfer
26 April 2006
This was inspired by Givitsum's recent post offering innovation in the service industry. This is my take on the subject, done in the form of a flyer, suppose this came through your door...
(this isn't how I wanted it too look, it kept changing when I posted it up)

                                   CONGRATULATIONS!
 
 
You have been chosen to be offered a new and radical product.  We are a fresh and exiting company with an innovative slant on an old idea
                                              Yes !! 
 You too can have one of the trappings of a successful person. Do you feel people are ignoring you, not recognizing you? Are being taken for granted? We have the answer, our product can lend you an air of mystery and importance. People will think you must matter, be a person who counts.

                We can give you your own personal stalker.
 We at Stalkers R’ us can arrange for you to be stalked at your own convenience. Just think of the cache it will bring to you. We can offer you a free trial period. The trial should last about 3 weeks, depending on the judge.                       (just a little stalkers joke)
 
We have long realized that stalking has been a preserve of the rich and famous but we are adopting a new liberal policy which would include the unimportant, the mediocre and the non entities and give them the ultimate celebrity experience And you will be delighted to know yours was one of the names that came up.

                                       JUST THINK!!
… how your  status will rise when you have to complain about all the precautions you must now take  and how your life has been changed..

                                              YES!
.. this could be happening to you, you’re just a phone call away. Although not famous you do fit our profile in many ways and (if the covert photos we have taken are accurate), quite present able, which always helps. Our operatives always find it easier to obsess over attractive people.
We do have comprehensive medical insurance cover just in case your stalker gets a bit too enthusiastic. And to further put your mind at rest our number of fatalities has fallen to a negligible level.
NOW... I’m sure you will want to take advantage of this service so in anticipation of this we have tapped your phone.
All you have to do is pick it up and say,  “Yes please!” You don’t even have to give us your details we have most of them already, though if you want to tell us what you are wearing we will happily listen -- Heavy breathing an optional extra-- In the meantime you can practice looking  harassed.  You’re in good hands, our motto  is
                                      We know how you think                      
                                      We know who you are

                                      We know where you live.

 

Reviews
Do you accept Nectar Points?
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 26th April 2006
Dear Stalkers R Us, 
I should like to be stalked by a not to choosy raving nymphomaniac . Can this be arranged under your scheme? 
 
(Oh by the way a novel and amusing piece, thanks for the laughs.) 
 
Brian.
Afterthought.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th April 2006
Yes I liked it too As much for its novelty as anything else.Sadly no one has ever thought me worth stalking. Other than the Inland Revenue, of course. I wonder if present day Stalking legislation can be applied to them? 
 
Well done.
Deja Vu
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 27th April 2006
I am sure I read this the other day, but it had disappeared by the time I tried toocome back to it. Have you been fine tuning bottlebillybremner? 
 
Liked it all the same, but I'll beat Gwynn to it and say it's not as good as Fasten Your Seatbelt. 
 
Where is Brook by the way? 
 
Givitsum
Deja vu all over again
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 27th April 2006
Yes, I did put it up before but I couldn't get the capitals to stand out properly. I realise we all stand in the shadow of that shiboleth of comedy that is FYSBs. I heard Brook was shacked up with you getting the benefit of your experience 
Thanks for your comment, guys :- BRN- We found you a wild nypmpho,and two ton tessy is on her way. Gerard- many of our operatives disguise themselves as I.R workers just invite them in, just dont offer cash. 
me please!
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 27th April 2006
Really liked this one MrsB. I`m sure you could set up a little franchise. I wish somebody would stalk Tom`nobody else has ever changed a nappy` Cruise. If I see that smug smile one more time, or watch Fiona Phillips wetting herself I`ll throw myself off the nearest foot stool...
Gobs at large.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 27th April 2006
Help please!? 
 
Who is Tom Cruise!? 
 
Signed Gerard. 47, Saffron Walden. 
 
The Corner Coves. He's an actor, yer Honour. 
 
Mr Connolly. I've never heard speak o' th' blighter. 
 
The Corner Coves. That's 'cause yous know dicky shite about actin'. Save when Herself cops yous wi' that dandy bit o' jazz you sez is employed t' rummage through yer papers. 
 
Mr Connolly. I will remind you impertinent gobshytes that I was often called upon to dine with the most celebrated of all Ireland's gobs, Mr Lawrence O' Liversalts. 
 
The Corner Coves. That so!? That will explain why yous is always on th' medicinal spirits. 
 
Mr Connolly. Come again!? 
 
The Corner Coves. Spirits!? 
 
Mr Connolly. Yes Spirits Do you have a problem with that? 
 
The Corner Coves. None we'd mention. Our compliments t' yer Honour. Ours is a large one in th' snug. 
 
Slainte! 
 
 
 
Very Amusing
Written by gwynn1970 (109 comments posted) 27th April 2006
You have a knack of writing funny things BBS I do like your humour. Perhaps needs to be a little more intellectual but there we go.  
 
PS I will write another Boring Frank one soon once I have finished painting the bathroom. 
 
Gwynn 
 
XX
Yes I know
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 27th April 2006
Yes, Gwynn I was worried that would let it down a bit. I'm on a course of irony tablets which should help I hope, 
Look forward to BBF, to see how it's done. 
BBS
i want one!
Written by robokent (84 comments posted) 29th April 2006
Mrs B, 
 
I've often thought of getting my own stalker... great idea, and the flyer as a vehicle really worked!  
 
My only question is, people keep referring to 'Fasten Your Seatbelt' as a hilarious work. I keep searching for it, but can't find it. Is this some kind of inside joke I'm not getting? I'd love to read this, if it exists...
Hi BBS
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 10th August 2006
It's always fun reading your work, and almost as much fun reading the comments afterwards.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item