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Great Writing - Home > Comedy > Worship Made to Order
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Comedy
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| Worship Made to Order | |
| By Psimple | ||||||||||
| 01 May 2006 | ||||||||||
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This is a comedic sketch that tackles the sensitive issue of church attendance in today's "ready made" world. While we laugh at the ridiculous lengths the two characters go to, we also see that some thingsin life are not about convenience. We also begin to wonder if "have it your way" is always a good thing. 2 Characters, 1M, 1F 5 minute sketch Worship Made to Order: Written by Misti Simpson We see a man and a woman in a car…both working to put on some pretty bad disguises. Car consists of two chairs side by side, an actual car steering wheel (resting under the driver’s side chair) and an actual car’s visor mirror (resting under the passenger side chair) As they pull up to the “Drive up” it’s not the car that moves, but the drive up moves to them. Julie: You missed a spot. James: What? Julie: With your mustache…you missed a spot…right there. James: Well this is just ridiculous! I can’t believe we’re doing this. Julie: You knew it would come to this. James: I had no idea! (He moves to enter the car) Julie: (to James, over the top of the car) Well, I’m sorry…But I think it makes perfect sense. James: It doesn’t. (He gets into the car and so does she. He picks up steering wheel, she picks up visor mirror) Julie: Okay, how do I look? Do you think anyone would recognize me? James: (Obviously not thrilled with the way his wife looks) Not a chance. What about me? Julie: You look fine. Okay let’s get going. James: Where to? Julie: Worship to go. James: Worship to go? Are you kidding me? Julie: That’s what it’s called. James: Who told you about this? Julie: Tammy. It’s where she and Ben have been going for the last month. James: Drive thru Worship…what’s next? Vending machine communion? Julie: Don’t be so judgemental. James: Isn’t that what got us here in the first place? Julie: Hey! James: If you could have just sat through a service without complaining about every little detail… Julie: I did not! James: Oh yes you did… Julie: name one church where I did that! James: Second Baptist. What was wrong with Second Baptist? Julie: We were there in August and they played a Christmas Hymn!! James: What are you talking about? Julie: I distinctly remember them playing “O Come All Ye Faithful” for a prelude! James: So? Julie: So?! It completely ruined my worship experience!! Suddenly I was thinking about my Christmas shopping list…trimming the tree…large plastic snowmen!! James: Okay, fine…what about Calvary Almost Free? Julie: Please…I timed that sermon…it was 38 minutes long!! Nobody is that important! 38 minutes!! James: I thought he made some really good points… Julie: He could have made all his points in 25 minutes! That’s the standard sermon time! But no….he had to go on and on and on…. James: Okay…Fine, I’ve got one for you…What was wrong with Our Lady of Fargo? Julie: HA!!! James: What? Julie: That worship director mixed hymns with contemporary praise songs!! James: I kind of liked it… Julie: Oh really? You like to have drums banging around when you’re trying to sing “Blessed Assurance”? You thought that song went with Walker Texas Ranger song… James: Tommy Walker song… Julie: Whatever. A cowbell with “ Blessed Assurance”!! Grandma would turn over in her grave if she ever heard… James: Your Grandma isn’t dead… Julie: Well that cow bell would have done her in!! James: Now I know what to get her for Christmas… Julie: James! Oh, look…there it is, turn here! James: I see it, I see it. (Julie and James pull into the drive through) Drive up girl: May I take your order? James: Do you have any specials today? Julie: James, don’t be so cheap… Drive up girl: yeah, our spiritual warfare platter is just 9.99 today. Julie: Ooooh, that sounds good. What’s in that one? Drive up girl: There’s the Shout to the North entre with a side of Shut de do…keep out the devil. The whole thing is topped off with a “Victory Chant” shake. James: Sounds like heartburn on a plate to me… Julie: Sounds perfect to me…can I have a side of “Hellfire and Damnation” Drive up: (obviously not pleased with the extra’s) Sure. (To James) Anything for you today sir? James: Do you have anything that offers insight into the character of God? Drive up: Uh, no. James: Look, I’d kinda like something that’s going to satisfy me longer than just for the next couple of hours…something I can really chew on…something that answers some of my questions…. Drive up: We’re really here more for the customer who already knows stuff…not the ones with questions. James: Oh… Drive up: Yeah…this is a dining experience that’s all about you…it’s kinda “worship made to order”, ya know? Julie: Don’t be difficult. Just get the Praise sandwhich and let’s go… James: Fine…I’ll take the Praise Sandwhich please. Julie: Ooooo, that sounds good, can I change my order to… Drive up: (cuts her off) No. (She hands them sacks of food) Drive up: Here you go…enjoy your tailor made worship experience! Thanks for stopping at Worship to Go. (James and Julie “drive” away. As they go they are both nibbling on their orders) James: well, what do you think? Julie: It’s okay…not what I expected…how about yours? James: It just seems like… Julie: Something’s missing? James: Yeah… Julie: Oh well, next week we can try “Worship King” or “MacPraise”…we’ll find something that works for us… (James and Julie drive off stage) Copyright - 2005
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