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For Children
Moma Tell Us a Story
By jean.day
02 May 2006
I wrote this as a book(52 pages) for my children when they were 7,6 and 3 - 30 years ago. They drew pictures to illustrate the book.

MOMA, TELL US A STORY
ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL
 

“Now Stephanie, you sit on my right side, and Jonathan on my left and Andrea can sit on my lap.  When you are all quiet, then I’ll begin.
 

“Once upon a time, many years ago, in a far-away land there lived a very poor family.”
 

“Didn’t they have any shoes?” asked Stephanie.
 

“Well, yes, they did have shoes, and clothes, and food and a roof over their heads, but relatively speaking, they didn’t have much money.
 

“The daddy in the family was called the grand name of Chester Rense Wyngarden, but that was such a big mouthful, that everybody called him Chet.”
 

“Chet, Chet, Shet (giggle)”.
 

“Be quiet Jonathan,” said Stephanie.
 

“Chet was a tallish man and quite thin with brown hair which was starting to recede, which means that it was not so much on his forehead anymore. He had a little moustache which looked sort of like a toothbrush.  He was just over 30, which might seem old to you, but that is younger than your daddy. He worked at a prison, which is the place they put bad people when they have committed a crime like stealing money or hurting somebody.”
 

“Was he a bad man too?” asked Andrea.
 

“No, he worked in the hospital part of the prison and helped the doctors take care of the prisoners when they were sick. He was called an orderly which is something like a nurse. One day he saved a doctor’s life by throwing a chair at a prisoner who was attacking the doctor with a knife.”
 

“The moma’s name was Ann, and she was quite a lot older than Chet, and had been married before but her husband died when their little girl, who was called Kathleen, was only a few months old.”
 

“Why did he die?” asked Stephanie.
 

“He had something wrong with his heart. He was only twenty four when he died, and Ann had not expected that it would happen, so she was very upset.  She took her little girl and went to live with her husband’s mother who was called Madge. Madge looked after Kathleen while Ann taught school.”
 

“Did she teach the infants or the juniors?” Jonathan, who had just moved into juniors, asked.


“In those days and in those remote parts of North Dakota, there would be one teacher and one classroom for all the children, of all ages from six to fourteen. But she probably only had twenty children in her classroom.”
 

“It was not until Kathleen was about ten that Ann met Chet, and they decided to get married.  Ann was medium tall, and rather plump, and her brown hair was starting to turn grey. She had been very pretty when she was younger but now she looked sort of tired all the time.  That was because she had some little babies to take care of.  Her first baby was called Donald John, but he died when he was only 3 weeks old.”
 

“Why did he die?” asked Stephanie.
 

“He had something wrong with his heart too.”
 

“Just like the other daddy.”
 

“Well not the same really, because the daddy had lived quite well for 24 years, and his heart suddenly went bad because of an infection. The baby’s heart was made wrongly and just didn’t work.”
 

“Then Ann had a baby girl who she called Judy, and just over a year later she had another girl that she called Barbara Jean, but called Jeanie.”
 

“Was that you?” asked Jonathan.
 

“Yes, that was me.”
 

“Why didn’t they call you that other name that they gave you?”
 

“Well, apparently Ann knew somebody called Barbara who had buck teeth, and so she didn’t want to call her baby that.”
 

“What’s buck teeth?”
 

“It means that your teeth stick out like a buck rabbit’s teeth.”
 

“Do I have buck teeth?” said Andrea.
 

“No, so you are very lucky.  But they liked to call me Jeanie because it sounded good with Judy, and we were sort of lumped together, almost like twins when we were small.”
 

“The town we lived in was called Bismarck and it is the capital city of North Dakota in America.  It is not a very popular place to live, and that is partly because it is very cold in the winter with lots of snow, and very hot in the summer.”
 

 

“Why did you live there, then?”
 

“You just live where you live when you are small. When I grew up I moved to other places which were perhaps a bit nicer to live in.”
 

“You moved to England.”
 

“Your daddy said that if I wanted to marry him I had to live in England because he certainly wasn’t going to live in North Dakota.”
 

“Bismarck is easy to find your way around because they are built on a grid sort of like a checker board (which your daddy would call a draught board).  Each block is more or less square and the same size as the others. In Bismarck the roads North and South were labelled Avenue A, B, C, etc. and the roads East and West were labelled 1st Street, 2nd Street, 3rd Street and so on. So if somebody told you they lived at 710 Avenue A, you knew they lived between 7th and 8th Street on Avenue A But the people who planned the town must not have had much idea about how big it would grow, because they never planned for streets that went west beyond 1st Street or North beyond Avenue F.  So after that all the streets and avenues had ordinary names like Arikara, Mandan, Redstone and Kiwanis.”
 

“Those don’t sound very ordinary to me,” said Stephanie.
 

“Some of them are Indian names. There were lots of Indian tribes who lived in that part of America before the Europeans came and settled there.”
 

“Shortly after Jeanie was born, Kathleen finished high school and moved to Washington DC, where the President lives, and worked as a secretary there.”
 

“Didn’t she like living in North Dakota either?” asked Jonathan.
 

“Not very much, I don’t think, and she wanted to do something exciting and get away from crying babies and dirty nappies, which are called diapers in America.”
 

“Did she ever come back?” asked Stephanie.
 

“Yes, she came back when Judy and Jeanie were 4 and 5, and by that time they lived in another house on 22nd Street and Avenue A, way on the edge of town. Next door were some salt and pepper coloured cows.”


"I'm four," said Andrea.

"No, you're not. You're just three," shouted Jonathan.

"I'm nearly four."
 

“Did you have any cows?” wondered Jonathan.
 

“No, but we did have a dog for awhile. Kathleen had been given the dog, which was called Pablo, by her boyfriend, Toby.  But since Kathleen lived in an apartment in town and couldn’t keep the dog, she let us have him.”
 

“Was he a nice doggy?” Stephanie asked.
 

“I want a doggy,” said Andrea.
 

“We thought he was lovely. He was a black Labrador, and still only a puppy but he hadn’t been trained properly so he sometimes was very naughty.”
 

“What did he do?”
 

“One time he tore a blanket off the clothes line. Another time he chewed a package that had been left on the neighbour’s doorstep. But he really got in trouble because of a little girl who lived next door.  She hit him with her hair brush and he sort of nipped at her.  She cried and her parents wanted to call the police to get rid of him, so we had to give him away.”
 

“Did you miss him?”
 

“Yes for awhile, but we never did get another pet.”
 

“What did Judy and Jeanie play?  Did they have dollies and trains and bikes?”
 

“When they were still very young, and still very poor, they didn’t have many toys. They found loads of games to play with empty toilet rolls. And they cut paper dolls out of the Ward’s catalogue. But they enjoyed being outside and Judy climbed on a boxcar which was down the road, but Jeanie was too scared to.  Judy once decided to cut off her braids, right at the base, and then Jeanie cut off her hair the same way.  Whatever Judy did, Jeanie wanted to do too.”
 

“Didn’t they go to school?”
 

“Yes, but I think I have told you enough for one night, and now it is time to go to bed. If you are very good, I’ll tell you tomorrow about when they went to school.”
 

 

 

Reviews
Auto-Biographic.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd May 2006
Very realistic use of conversation.  
 
At times a little "data dense"- 
 
“Bismarck is easy to find your way around because they are built on a grid sort of like a checker board (which your daddy would call a draught board). Each block is more or less square and the same size as the others. In Bismarck the roads North and South were labelled Avenue A, B, C, etc. and the roads East and West were labelled 1st Street, 2nd Street, 3rd Street and so on. So if somebody told you they lived at 710 Avenue A, you knew they lived between 7th and 8th Street on Avenue A But the people who planned the town must not have had much idea about how big it would grow, because they never planned for streets that went west beyond 1st Street or North beyond Avenue F. So after that all the streets and avenues had ordinary names like Arikara, Mandan, Redstone and Kiwanis.” 
 
It was very tempting to skip it. 
 
It's not really a tale for children but a tale about the relationship of an adult to children. Perhaps it would be better on Short Stories? 
 
Thanks for all your time and reviews,  
 
Brian.
Dialogue
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3434 comments posted) 4th May 2006
I particularly liked the childs responses which were just the sort of way a child would respond,they have a way of only taking in what they want or can cope with 
I thught it was a sort of hybrid tale half-adult half -childs tale,posssibily because it was a tad too long and repetious for a childs story but I may be wrong there. Kids do love repetiton.  
You do have a good ear for childrens dialogue. 
BBS

Written by jean.day (2323 comments posted) 5th May 2006
Thanks Brian and BBS for your comments and suggestions. I'm afraid that my going on about the orderliness of the streets reflects my frustration at forever getting lost in English towns.  
 
My children have as much as anybody encouraged me to write, and they all are very good writers.

Written by ndobiecka (20 comments posted) 6th May 2006
I agree with both of the comments given so far, I also found the explanation of the grid streets a bit hard to follow and a lot to read - especially for a child. I also thought that about the amount of detail of the people involved. I sort of lost track a bit - I had to go back and remind myself who Kathleen was when she came in later on. 
 
But I really like the kid's interjections, I can just imagine them saying things like that, thought that was very well captured. 
 
Enjoyed reading it. 
 
N
I agree!!
Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 21st May 2006
Not much I can add as I agree with what has already been said!! It seems to get a bit carried away with itself!! I loved the kids too!! Exactly the right phrasings!! Well done babes!

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 25th May 2006
Thanks for your contribution! 
 
I dont think I have seen a similar style in the childrens section, so it was a refreshing read. I also liked the conversational style and the interjections that the children made. 
would be interesting to see more of this story, a good read!
What a wonderful piece!
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 14th June 2006
Hello Jean, 
 
Thank you so much for posting this wonderful piece: the language, the structure and the tale itself are all perfect. I would so love to see the drawings but this piece stands alone. I only have one comment: "More please!" 
 

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