More a thought than a story but someone may enjoy it
Plus it's very short!!
“Live life for the Moment”
This is a phrase that crops up time and again on television, film and of course in your own life. On screen it is a good character arch, to have the young, timid and unassuming waitress turn into a life breathing, vivacious woman thought a set of unpredictable (and usually unprecedented) events. We thrill to see the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly and feel somehow as if our own lives are touched and enriched by this.
I find that this phase only really rings true when you reach a certain age and all hang ups and doubts drop away to leave the real you, ready to face the world and take everything it has to offer. Problem is that this is never said to the slightly mature of years but to young and generally shy populous who understand the idea but are really incapable of acting on it because of social constraints like fashion and peer pressure.
You see them every night of the week, at the corner of a main road in the same striped sports tops and press-studded tracksuit bottoms just over their immaculate white trainers. You would think that you’d come across the English athletics team but for the fact that the most sporting thing any of them will do tonight is chase people to ask
“Will you go to shop for us?”
Sadly you know in a few years’ time they’ll look back at this time in their life and wish they had learnt to play an instrument or had taken the time to read more. They had more pressing issues though, killing zombies on the Playstation or swiping a cigarette when dads not looking. I sometimes feel like separating one from the herd and pining it against the wall to get answers, but this is cruel and they always have a bigger brother who will kick my head in, apparently.
So, when I actually have kids and they reach this charming age I shall use this phrase, safe in the knowledge that they will have no idea what I’m “banging on about” but in five or ten years time they will come back and say they wished that had taken my advice and I can be very, very smug.
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last line
Written by robokent (84 comments posted) 2nd May 2006 |
A,
Love the last line, 'very, very smug'.
I know what you're trying to say with the piece, and I think the second half, when you start in on the youngsters who would rather waste their young lives away playing video games, is the better, stronger part of this piece.
Unfortunately, the reader has to get through a slow-moving opening couple of paragraphs and a couple spelling errors (thought - through, populous - populace) to get to the good stuff.
Try and find a way to cut down the first part to one tight paragraph, and then I think you'd have a stronger piece.
I also read your first entry on the site, the one about Montague. As others mentioned, I liked the piece, though it should have been two different stories, and not as long.
Thanks for your comments on 'Il Fait Chaud', and I look forward to reading more from you! |
Non-Fiction?
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd May 2006 |
Hi,
This probably belongs best on "Non Fiction" a forum that other web-sites describe as being "Anything about Anything" as it's not a short story per-se.
However "Physician heal thyself", are you "living life to it's full", because I know I'm not.
Somewhere probably on Poetry is an old Poem of Mine-"A half span off then a half span on" which looks at the wider issue.
I found it an enjoyable read that tickled the little grey cells.
Brian. |
short 'n sweet
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 2nd May 2006 |
Well at least it fulfills one of the two criteria for the forum it is,as you say short, if not really a story.
Perhaps a comment on human foibles (one of my favourite words) and an interesting and mildly amusing one too. It is as you say the subtext behind many a film to the point where I feel a back lash is coming and there is a return to post war austerity and a "wait till you can afford it" theme. Then of course we'll be too bloody old to enjoy it and then what price smugness then.
An enjoyable piece which got me thinking (no mean feat!!)
BBS |
I've posted it.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd May 2006 |
A,
I've reposted the poem.
Brian. |
Tar very much.
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 2nd May 2006 |
Yep sorry should have been in the non-fiction section.
Slap on wrist for me.
Glad some of you enjoyed, just me venting spleen really.
Alastair.
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