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Great Writing - Home > Comedy > We Should all be Committed
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Comedy
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| We Should all be Committed | |
| By Psimple | ||||||
| 03 May 2006 | ||||||
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How sick of serving on commities are you? Even church commities can become ridiculous venues for sill argument and debate over inconsequencial nonsense. When do we actually accomplish anything? What are we leaving undone with so much wasted time. We Should all be Committed…by Misti Simpson Setting: A Sunday night decorating committee meeting. Staging: A table and chairs Characters: Toby – The committee chair person and token male Agnus – traditionalist, sits on the committee to make sure that It isn’t out with the old, in with the new. Betty – The peace maker, mediator, doesn’t have a strong Stance on anything other than the pulpit Tanya – Drama representative, big visionary, looking to the Future. Sees life as a stage! Toby: Okay, let’s call this meeting to order. This is the, let me see, yep, the 19th out of 2 scheduled meetings of the decorating committee. As usual it’s good to see all of you here. Noted in the minutes is the absence of Sandy. While we will miss her voice at these meetings, we cannot argue with the sudden calling she has to be involved in the dish towel ministry. We wish Sandy well. Let’s start with a reading of the minutes from last weeks meeting. Betty: Sure. After Toby called the meeting to order we continued our discussion concerning the color of the carpet that will go down the center aisle in the sanctuary, excuse me, worship center. Tanya said “ I feel very strongly that a dark grey carpet makes a much stronger statement than beige”. Agnus replied “Grey is depressing, it’s far too morbid, there’s nothing wrong with a good solid beige.”. Then Tanya said “ Why don’t we go all out and go with taupe.” To which Toby replied “Let’s try to avoid the sarcasm we ran into last week”. Then Agnus said… Toby: Skip to the last page Betty. Betty: You bet. Let’s see…Here we go…Agnus says “I’m comfortable compromising with lavender”. Then Tanya said “ Lavender works for me, if we lean closer to lilac, not a taupey lavender”. Then Toby said “The wedding coordinator” who we know is his lovely wife “is going to have a serious problem with lilac since it is a spring color and won’t work with fall or winter”. (Toby looks extremely uncomfortable here) Agnus replied “weddings are highly overrated anyway”. Tanya interrupted with “ oh no, they are perfectly wonderful!! We should be celebrating marriage every weekend!” At this point we all agreed that further discussion of the carpet color would have to wait until the wedding coordinator could be brought in for a special meeting. Finally, Toby closed the meeting with a prayer of gratitude. Toby: Thankyou Betty, that brings us up to date. Tanya: I still think we could just agree that grey goes with everything, when you see grey don’t you automatically become more worshipful? Agnus: Grey is the color of smog. Tanya: It is also the color of fuzzy sheep, soft bunny’s and warm flannel. Agnus: Well I’d like to know what is so worshipful about flannel. Betty: You both make really good points… Toby: Ladies, we agreed to shelve this discussion, so let’s shelve it. You all have your agendas in front of you. Let’s get to the first item… Betty: We need to decide on the issue of the pulpit. Agnus: What’s to decide? Toby: We need to have a calm, productive discussion to decide whether or not to have a pulpit…(the women begin to murmur over him)…AND if we have one, what we would like it to look like. Agnus: Finally, a topic that we can plow through quickly. Obviously we need a pulpit. I think we can all agree that solid oak with some lovely cherry inlays would be just perfect. Tanya: I was thinking of something a little more updated. We can’t be afraid of change. Don’t you think we could try something smaller and less intrusive? Agnus: Intrusive? What’s intrusive about a pulpit. It is there to give the preacher something to lean on. A place to put his Bible and his notes. How is that intrusive? Tanya: As a concept, it’s not. But I’ve seen some of the pulpits you were looking at Agnus. They were huge!! Some of them came with their own set of stairs to get up into them. That’s ridiculous. There’s got to be something else we could use. Toby: What did you have in mind Tanya? Tanya: Well, I was visiting my sister’s church and they had this really cool pulpit. It was so super cool!!! It really was a work of art. I’ve never seen anything like it, and here’s the kicker…it was made from clear acrylic. Agnus: Clear what? Tanya: Acrylic. Agnus: What is that, some kind of new fangled glass? Tanya: No, it’s nothing as silly as that…it’s plastic. (Agnus gasps and begins to fan herself with her agenda) Agnus: Well I never! Tanya: (oblivious to the horror she is inflicting on Agnus) Me neither!! Isn’t that awesome? We could be the first church in South Dakota to have one!! We could put together a brochure or something. I could call my sister and find out where they got theirs… Agnus: I just bet they got it on that internet thing. What is “Abey?” Betty: Do you mean “ebay”? Tanya: No, they got their fog machine and strobe light online. I think they mentioned something about an artist in their church making the pulpit. Agnus: See! I knew it. It was probably some teenager with long hair and an earing! Toby: Now Agnus, you know as well as I do that we do not judge people by their appearance. Agnus: I’m not judging, I’m just making a point. Tanya: Well I wish you would make a point. What’s wrong with branching out and trying something new? Agnus: Fine. Why bother with a pulpit at all? Let’s just all sit around on pillows and Pastor could preach barefoot! Tanya: You don’t have to be so cranky about it. I went along with you on the awful purple carpet didn’t I? Agnus: It’s not purple! Toby: Ladies, maybe we should break for coffee, decaf. Betty: I would like to see what a plastic pulpit looks like. It sounds interesting. Tanya: There, you see, Betty isn’t afraid of change. Agnus: I’m not afraid of change, I’m just worried about what will happen to all that plastic when that crazy guy who runs the lights cranks them up and melts your precious plastic pulpit. Tanya: That’s just ridiculous. You’re not even trying to work this out… Agnus: There is no place in the house of God for acrylic!, nails or otherwise! Tanya: Hey! Toby: Ladies!!!! Lights down. Cue song “River of Forgivenss” by point of grace.
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