Coffee.  I have evolved as a coffee drinker.  It was a beautiful process full of discovery and awakening awareness.  If you have scoffed at this, you haven't lived a full life.

When I was first introduced to this nector of the gods, I was a crazed college student.  Typical of many perfectionists, I found the daily grind of class work to be beneath me.  This of course, left me in a precarious position the week before finals.  With 4 difficult final tests and 2 papers due I was runnin' on empty and suckin' fumes.  Sitting in the student center, oblivious to the world around me, surrounded by 3x5 notecards, highlighters, books and empty ding-dong packages, I was an addict primed for her first hit.  I just didn't know it yet.

I have a vague recollection of an act of kindness.  A strange hand thrusting a cup of scalding black sludge into my protesting hand.  "You need this".  Without a thought, I drank.  The smell of something dark and slightly burned surrounded me, cutting through the haze that had become my reality.  Bitter, hot, intense and pungent.  Not great.  I set the cup down, confirmed and entrenched in my belief that the sophisticated, educated peoples of the world are all tea drinkers.

About 20 minutes later I rise to stretch and clean up.  I grab the cup of coffee to throw away this strange substance that hovers between water and oil, only to find that the cup is empty.  I myself seem to be feeling better.  More connected with the world.  I hear voices in the room around me.  Glancing down at my notes I realize that they are beginning to make sense.  Not just beginning to...look, if I move the theories to the pink cards and put the proofs in red...holy crap!  I have a system...go ahead, ask me anything, I'll know the answer.  If I don't, my imagination is sparking enough to make up some pretty convincing BS.  And I'm looking into that yoga thing!  No, I'm going to finish up here and then hit the weight room!  Right after I go find my dealer and get another fix. 

Cut to 3 years later.  I am now a jaded upper classmen.  I can answer the question, "How do you take it" without the hesitation of one trying to decide if they have just been propositioned.  I know where the best coffee houses are, I know the names of every waitress that works the late shift.  The folded notecard I shoved under the wobbly leg of "my" table is still there, declaring to one and all...she who drinks of the dark brew, studies here.  Of course, coffee drinkers don't merely study.  We solve the worlds problems.  We pursue higher callings.  We pontificate, articulate, meditate and yes, medicate our way through the dangerous yet enticing maze of life.  When I finish this last pot, I'm heading out to by a black sweater and a beret.

Fade to present day.  I didnt' solve the worlds problems.  In fact, I may have added to them.  I never did buy that beret either.  I own plenty of black sweater, because when you've had 5 babies (yep, 5) you wear a lot of black, it slims the figure you know.  I no longer have the desire to sit for hours in a dingy diner, slugging back pot after pot of mediocre coffee, sitting where all can see me while I affect aloofness.  I have not abandoned my first love.  I have simply evolved.  I now worship at the altar of Starbucks, Caribou and Panera Bread.  I have discoverd things like, an extra shot, light foam, no whip cream, mocha, caramel and hazelnut.  My cupboards are lined with Pottery Barn ceramic mugs and stainless steel travel thermos's.  I have attained that level of coffee drinking that eluded me for years.  I have become a coffee snob.  Ah bliss.  To sit outside the little cafe, under a dark green umbrella, wearing smart little capris and a sweater set, with kitten heels adorning my ever so carefully painted toes.  Hiding my fashion magazine behind the Times.  A carefully contrived life of artifice.  (At least for these 30 minutes of stolen, childless bliss)  Perfection.

I miss that dingy diner and the pure essence of coffee.  How do you take it?