|
By amethyst
|
|
04 May 2006 |
Imagination is the greatest gift a child could have. Whether it be an invisible friend or monsters under the bed or in the wardrobe. This is a very short story that I wrote from my experience as a child with a very strong imagination.
Ooh! The darkness is coming now, that means she will back soon. I must try to sleep; if I am asleep then maybe she will go away. Don’t look at the curtains. She loves the curtains. That’s where she usually is when she comes, beside the curtains.
Daddy is away again. He never seems to be home much, maybe if he was, he could tell her to leave me alone. Where’s daddy when I need him? The moon is rising now and the house is quiet. I want to call out to Billy but she may hear me. I want her to think I am asleep, I wish I could go to sleep. Soon. Soon I will be asleep, then the morning will arrive and I will be okay.
I am starting to drift away and she is not here yet. Maybe she’s not coming tonight, but she comes every night, what would make tonight any different? She’s been coming for as long as I can remember, which I suppose to an adult is not long at all considering I am not quite five years old yet. When will it stop? Will it go on forever?
Would any one believe me if I told them? No, probably not, I don’t think even daddy would believe me. Grandma! Maybe she will. I’ll tell her in the morning, now I must try to sleep. If I turn over and face the wall, then I won’t see her coming. So tired now, I close my eyes and go to sleep.
The morning light wakes me. Something is not right. I am not in my cot. I wake to find myself on the floor. How did I get on the floor? I don’t remember climbing out of my cot. I look over at Billy’s bed. He is still asleep. I can hear my mother coming up the stairs. She always came in and got us ready for school. Her smile was bright as she hugged me then woke Billy.This particular morning she had joked that I had put on weight and I was getting too heavy for her to carry anymore. Instantly I knew what had happened for me to wake on the floor. I was too heavy for her. She couldn’t carry me. Oh Yes! I was too heavy for her. Now she would have to go and find someone else.
The little witch on a broomstick that climbed my curtains every night would never come back again.
|
Imagination
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 4th May 2006 | I often think what goes on in kids minds is stronger than their real life experiences. I suppose it's one of the milestones in a child's life.
It was believably told from the child's point of view, which is difficult.In fact it was almost a childrens story and with a bit of tweaking could belong in the childrens forum. | imaginary friends
Written by robokent (84 comments posted) 4th May 2006 | I was a little distracted by the Italics. My eyes naturally wanted to stop at each 'she', as if I was on a horse scared of the hurdles that kept popping up in front of him. And I didn't understand why all of a sudden they went from SHEshe.
Besides those physical distractions, I did enjoy the story, as BBS said, coming very believably from a child's perspective.
If you want a different perspective on imaginary characters in children's minds, check out my story, 'Will and Charlie' under the Children's section. I'd love to hear what you think of it. | Hi Amethyst.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 4th May 2006 | I love anything that goes down the less well trodden paths.
I would suggest you edit the work and break it into what seems to be it's natural pragraphing.
I can understand the use of italic caps and yes it does stop the flow of reading but it does emphasis the childs dread.
A good read, thanks,
Brian. | Bedknob and Broomstick
Written by Espiral (44 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | I agree the italics should be left out, perhaps replaced with 'She'.
But I like this otherwise, it is nice and simple but with great detail, and I love the way it concludes and you can feel the child's relief.
 |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
