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Comedy
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| Mikey and Poppy | |
| By paulwalker | ||||||||||||||||||
| 04 May 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||
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This is about two little gnomes called Mikey and Poppy. Together they have a funny little gnomey adventure.
Once upon a time there were two happy little gnomes that lived in the forest. They didn’t live in the same forest or even on the same continent, but were connected via the modern miracle of the internet and as result never felt lonely. Well, unless you count the horrid moments of bleak despair that plagued what should have been their slumbering hours, but we wont mention that here.
Their medium for connection was a wonderful website known as Great Gnome Writing. It was an open forum that allowed any Gnome in the whole world to post his or her very own stories and thoughts for other Gnomes to read and write comments about. The comments were known as ‘reviews’ and became crucially important to all participating Gnomes, as they represented the difference between happiness and sadness.
Sometimes when a Gnome posted a piece of writing that they had clearly spent a lot of time on but didn’t get a response they would get very upset. Fortunately other kindly and sympathetic Gnomes would write them a generous and thoughtful review; in the knowledge they were making them feel better about their shit bit of work.
Through this act of kindness great friendships were forged, and the Gnomes in question felt safe in the knowledge they would never again have to face the shame of ‘no review’, thanks to their special friend.
One such bond existed between Poppy the little female Gnome, and Mikey, the rather ungainly male Gnome who was cursed with inadequate facial hair and terrible gnome dress sense.
Everything was going fine until Mikey posted a piece entitled ‘Charlie buttons and the broken fondue set’. He was very pleased with his work and waited patiently for Poppy to give her usual review. He waited, and he waited, and then he waited some more. But the review never came. Mikey shame at seeing ‘no review’ next to his wonderful piece of work built and gradually turned to disappointment, this in turn developed to anger, then rage, until eventually it blossomed into a fully fledged psychotic episode.
Poppy had been foolish enough to give Mikey her address, so the little bastard took the next flight to her place of residence. Eventually he reached her door and rang the doorbell. Poppy opened the door and recognized him instantly from the photo he had sent over instant messenger in one of their chats
‘Mikey!!’ cried Poppy with joy. ‘How wonderful to…’
At this point Poppy was cut short as Mikeys massive Axe cleaved her head in two.
‘Where’s my fucking review you whore???!!!??’ cried the deranged Mikey as his axe fell again and again on her hapless form.
‘You let me down you slut; you let me down for the last fucking time!! Now…DIE!!!!!!’
At this point Mikey went into an absolute frenzy screaming and yelling obscenities in a voice that was barely gnoman as he cut her into fine mincemeat.
Breathless and panting at last he finished and stood back to survey his work with pride, safe in the knowledge that he had taught her a lesson she wouldn’t forget in a hurry.
It was at this point that Mikey noticed the luggage sitting in Poppy’s hallway. A suitcase and matching hand luggage set with stickers indicating she had just returned from Portugal, where her mother lived in a remote village with no internet. It all came back to him; she had told him she was going on the trip last week after her mother had fallen ill.
How Mikey chuckled when he realized the mistake he’d made.
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