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Comedy
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| French people don't like to work | |
| By robokent | ||||||||||
| 05 May 2006 | ||||||||||
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Okay, now I'm just giving you guys what you want... One Author's Note to UK readers: Applebee's is a popular yet incredibly lame chain of bar/restaurants in the US. French people don’t like to work. It’s not enough that they have approximately 420 days of vacation per year here. It doesn’t matter that they’ve basically institutionalized ‘half-day Wednesdays’, as if it were some sort of happy hour promotion going down at the local Applebee’s. Forget about the fact that on the off chance that you find one of them at their desk, they will not lift a finger to actually do any sort of physical or mental labor more taxing than to open their mouths a crack, raise one eyebrow, and crisply explain to you that your request is simply not their responsibility. But it gets worse. I have never known a people who hated something so much, yet went to such extremes to protect that which they absolutely despise. See, while the French have adeptly created a work culture where the minimum amount of energy expended is a cherished goal, they desperately cling to their jobs, no matter how banal those jobs might actually be. Labor laws are strict here. When a company hires a new full-time employee, it must offer that employee one of two types of contracts: the CDD or the CDI. Usually, the former is offered. This is a short-term contract lasting up to six months. After that time, the company can offer the employee one more CDD or can draw up a CDI. Everyone wants the CDI, because this contract basically ties the employee to the company for an indeterminate amount of time. The employee, in effect, gets ‘tenure’. He can’t be fired. Well, if he gets caught embezzling funds or sleeping with the boss’ wife (actually, scratch that second part; that’s encouraged), he can get fired, but there has to be a really good reason for giving him the axe. Job security is a great thing, of course. It’s nice to know that your boss can’t chuck you out the moment you reach the age of 50, say. But the flip side of that equation is that young graduates entering the workplace have found the job market nearly impenetrable, as no one ever leaves their job. Hence, the illustrious and august body known affectionately as ‘the French government’ stepped in recently to attempt to bring down the level of unemployment for young people. Under Prime Minister Dominique “Doesn’t My Name Just Sound Evil?” de Villepin’s leadership, the government drew up a new contract for the under-26 crowd, the CPE. The CPE essentially provided a longer trial period for young workers, who would have to work up to two years for the company before being offered a CDI. At any time during this period, the company could jet the employee if it no longer found him useful. Yeah, this went over really well. Turns out the kids didn’t like it. Turns out they wanted the same rights their parents had, even if those rights have helped put a stranglehold on the French economy and led to one of the most stagnant labor pools in Western Europe. You saw the news reports: weekly strikes and rioting, the Sorbonne closed for a couple months, cops in full battle gear patrolling the Latin Quarter, lots of fun. Finally, Prime Minister “And Here I Thought I Was a Shoe-In for the Presidency Next Year” Villepin caved to President Jacques “No One Likes Me Either” Chirac. The CPE was put out of its misery. Rejoicing in the streets. Crisis averted. Oh, wait. But the crisis wasn’t averted. Unemployment among the 20-somethings is still appallingly high, and it’s not like the mighty labor unions had any good ideas to ameliorate the situation. Meanwhile, the French press has moved on to a fun, new scandal involving “Just Take Me Out Back and Shoot Me” Villepin, and whether he ordered intelligence officials to investigate his main political rival Nicolas “I Hate Immigrants” Sarkozy’s potential involvement in a bribery scandal. Ah, well. At least the wine still works.
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