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Bring the Love

By alastair79

05 May 2006

Typical Friday afternoon effort I think.

Bring the love, bring the empathy and bring the tissues. You see I have issues that span more then your regular divorce or family troubles, I live in a world of hurt that seems to be crafted from the minds of malicious men, hell bent on breaking me.

“Honey, could you grab me a pen and paper”, I wheeze.

Illness is not the word for it; no it’s more like having two or three very angry Alsatians running and gnawing inside my head, digging like in the back yard for my last shred of sanity. There could also be some kind of snake or possibly an iguana curled uncomfortably in my stomach; I think it got there sometime during a broken night of trips to the porcelain highway.

“What do you want them for”, she asked.

My wife is trying her best to comfort me but her constant and what I take to be nervous movement blurs my vision and hurts my eyes. Shutting them just released a small kitten into the Alsatians brain kennel, firing them into a frenzy of yelps, barks and running, always running.

“I need to write my final words”

Opening my eyelids brings the fresh agony of bright light slamming like a finger into my eye, evoking a slight groaning bleak sound from my lips. But now, O God the rooms going dark, this is it, I’m slipping away.

“Hurry woman, I think this is it”

“Get them yourself you lazy arse”, she hisses back at me.

Why do women never fully grasp the implications of the most dreaded disease known to humanity, if only I could make her understand this isn’t a cold, it’s Man Flu.

Reviews

You guys
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 6th May 2006

Yeah, I know all about man flu.It is so much worse than the harmless flu that us girls get. How do you cope!
Well done,Sweetie, a self depricatingly funny piece. .I'm going to show it to my husband next time he tries it on.

A good laugh.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 8th May 2006

But surely you realise that a Woman's life is lived in a constant vale of shadows.

Pre and Post MT, chipped/cracked finger nails and endless headaches! By such challenge is their fortitude forged.

And then add to this that they are often at an awkward age, i.e. anywhere between cradle and grave.

So it is not surprising that they are so resolute in the face of life's adversities.

Oh by the way thanks for your time and comments,

Brian.

Cheers
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 8th May 2006

Thanks for the comments, just a bit of fun to pass my boring afternoons.

Alastair.

Love it!
Written by Leigh (254 comments posted) 10th May 2006

Excellent - and all too true!

Was expecting this to be a poignant piece about an old man's dying moments - then laughed out loud at the pay-off.

I love the clever use of animal imagery in this passage: "Illness is not the word for it; no it’s more like having two or three very angry Alsatians running and gnawing inside my head, digging like in the back yard for my last shred of sanity. There could also be some kind of snake or possibly an iguana curled uncomfortably in my stomach; I think it got there sometime during a broken night of trips to the porcelain highway."

This could easily describe the ravages of a real terminal illness - but seems very funny when you reread it knowing the narrator is just being a drama queen (for want of a better expression).

Great, but ...
Written by Weirdreamer (17 comments posted) 16th May 2006

Loved it, but ...

The grammer needs touching up! The odd comma, apostrophe, etc. would make it easier to read and put the emphasis in the right placy without having to read the same little bit 2 or 3 times to sort it.

Great, but ...
Written by Weirdreamer (17 comments posted) 16th May 2006

Thanks.
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 17th May 2006

(Leigh) Drama Queen and proud :grin

(Weirdreamer) Thanks for comments, I'm affraid grammer is really not my strong point (kind of stupid for a would-be hack) but I do try, honest

Regards.
Alastair.

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