A kind comment from Robokent reminded me how much I missed short storytelling and the company of those who do it. Posting Comedy is fun but for me nothing betters the tale.I started off on the Short Story site and I thought I'd come back for a while, if nobody minds. This one is in the unmistakable Gaelic idiom I enjoy most. I fully own it will not be to everyone's liking, but it would be an impoverished place we inhabit if we were all the same. This is the first half of two stories told together in the style of the Seanchai. A familiar trick of the Seanchai was to pull a story to a sudden close then offer another story to go on to explain the first . That way he got paid twice for what was in effect, the same tale. I have gone halfway. All the devices are from the traditional stereotypes. The tale is self contained notwithstanding it being brought to a premature end.
I have no wish to patronise any would be readers with explainations.It is probably obvious this is from an oral tradition and is written to be spoken aloud. Previous constructive comments have suggested however, that an explainatory word helps. Traditionally the Seanchai would take all the voices himself. Just in case anybody doesn't know, 'seanchai' is often put into easy English as ' storyteller ', but in Gealic has much more the meaning of the 'Wizard with Words'. I think this says all there is to say about this form of storytelling which often has no formal beginning or ending.
Mr Donal O'Doggerel. Oh what a wanting and woeful world have we conjured wherein a man may be told his business by a woman! Worse! Now the birds of the air can call us to heel. And even dumb beasts have found a voice as wearisome and demanding as their own irksome groans. No good will come of this spiteful cacophony; save only that conflict will ensue. And conflict can oftimes cleanse, as the brutality of the knife becomes a kindness in the hand of the surgeon.
The Corner Coves. God's Butt! That so!? We'll stick wi' soap an water if that's all right by you. An' on that subject, no point in raisin' a lather when all yous need is freshnin' up!
The Flighty Stuff. Speakin' o' freshnin' up, we guess yous is on your way t' Big Joe's?
The Corner Coves. That's right. Fall in wi' us if you will. An' you too, Tall Talkin' Man, an' let's hear you talkin'. An' if yous has spoke t' our likin' b' th' time we stamp the Big Man's place, there's a glass in it f' yerself. For we're all up wi' work today an' aimin' f' a lunatic lollin' about. Sure nothin' beats a good wettin' when work's all done with.
Mr Donal O'Doggerel. Indeed. But forgive me. I have long been under the assumption that to finish work you must actually start it in the first place?
The Corner Coves. We'll grant you there's some element o' truth in that. But f' th' most part it's mistaken. F' there's no buck draws breath but that he's plannin' on finishin' what he started. It's th' given way o' things. But th' wise owl knows that finishin' first saves yous th' bother o' startin'. That way you can start b' savin' time; do nothin'; an', wi a touch o' good fortune finish up still gettin' paid! That way too yous can be first through th' door when Big Joe opens up!
The Flighty Stuff. Yous has plainly not sussed Our Saviour's sayin': The last shall first an' th' first last!?
The Corner Coves. We have. But it was fine f' him. He didn't have t' worry about openin' times at Big Joe's. From what we hear he just needed t' park his butt b' some water butt, scratch his nose an' th' thing was full wi' more hootch than a man could down in a lifetime! An' all f' free!!
Mr Donal O' Doggerel. Yes. A handy skill that. Regrettably like so many of his handy skills it seems to have ascended with him at the Ascention. Wouldn't you just know it when push comes to shove, he was no more generous than any other garsun on sharin' his good fortune with others. Mind you, that must be heartening news for the brewing industry. It's an ill wind, they say, that blows nobody any good.
The Corner Coves. True. An' speakin' o' wind, we're about offerin' a buckshee sclog t' th' Western World's biggest windbag, an' no breath o' a tale blowin' our way?
Mr Donal o' Doggerel. That's easily rectified. I have a will to tell you of Mr Prosperous McSheen, the butcher of Loughknocknagreen Cross. His lifelong investment in the brewing industry brought him an unwelcome reminder of the rights now enjoyed by the creatures with whom, it now seems, we must share our planet. For you see Mr Prosperous McSheen was not a fellow used to sharing anything, but the back of his hand. And that with any lippy blighter stupid enough to cross him. Certainly not the treasured freedoms of mankind with animals he was more accustomed to preparing for consumption.
So it was a forlorn and fated night, when, returning from his usual bracing relaxation in Big Joe Meehan's Liquorama and Drinking Emporium. singing 'The Minstrel Boy' and threatening to go a full fifteen rounds with Gentleman Jim Sullivan himself, he arrived at his door. Arrived, I might add, by way of a circuitous route which involved his relieving himself several times in several neighbouring doorways belonging to several of those with whom he had severed relations. And thereafter escorting the Widow Doolahan behind the roadside Calvary to indulge in the kind of lewd shenanigan that next morning had Mary Magdalene flashing the Dying Christ a fine set of racey bloomers. But enough of that.
For now, stumbling through his doorway, he came upon a hearth lit only by the niggardly embers of a dying fire. A home barren of any other being but himself. Well; almost. For Herself was demonstrably absent. Indeed she had upped and vanished some while ago as he recalled. Otherwise his homecoming would have been marked by an avalanche of abuse followed by an equal torrent of pots and pans in his direction. Thus had always been the normal way of things between them. Instead, silence. Punctuated, however, by the periodic sound of gastronomic snoring. Then, there, through the rancid gloom of the neglected house, he spied the culprit. The last relic of his departed wife, slumped sprawling asleep in his chair like spillage from a barrel of tar! Her monstrous black feline!!! And would you believe the brazen brass neck of the thing!? For the cat had clearly availed itself of his fish supper. The remains of which were still stuck to the empty cookpot on the hearth. Now the copious exertion of stuffing itself with free food too much, the bone idle critter was taking a well earned nap prior to a wash and spruce up ahead of a night out dazzling the toms.
First off, wishing to sit down, McSheen whistles for the thing to scoot. But when it pays no heed, but rather responds with a loud, sonorous slumberer's fart, he thinks again. The full implication of the cat's goading impudence now beggining to dawn on him.
" Who is it here that's charge o' robbin' this coach?", he asks himself. " Would yous credit the gall o' th' green eyed gorgon!..... In my chair! ......The chair that was my father's chair before!...... After scoffin' my supper! ......Th' supper that was waitin' f' a workin' man!...... An' not a word o' conscienece, contrition nor respect f' that same man back t' his hearth after toilin' all wakin' hours! "
That's when Prosperous McSheen the butcher decided to remind the insolent grimalkin of the finer points of the master servant relationship. That's when, pulling his copy of The Racing Post from his belt, he scrolls it and proceeds to give the wretched animal the kind of clattering that would not have disgraced the Christian Brothers.
Straight up the cat's alive and squeeling like a jammed flywheel! And next off it's screeching and hissing, cowed in the corner, crouched and seeming blessing itself ready to meet it's maker. Yet, though dope head dazed and vacant from it's violent awakening, it still found heart to call out defiantly:
" Yous some sort o' boggin' homicidal maniac, mister!! I'm this minuite out o' here t' fetch th' fellows f' CATLINE!!! Have yous not heard!? These days EVERY LIVIN' CREATURE'S GOT RIGHTS!!! "
Unfortuately for the dim pussy, if there was a word copper bottom guaranteed to unhinge the already deranged dander of the butcher, such sassy talk of animal's rights did it in a jiff!
" Rights!?...... RIGHTS!!?, howled McSheen, leaking gas the like of the rocks of Krakatoa..... I'll give yous yer buckin' rights yer thaveless four legged fur bag!!!!! First, I'll not stand banter wi' some saucey self righteous lig under me own roof.....Right!!? Second... Nor will I take no backchat f' some pauper on horseback tellin' 'is lawful master the right o' his ways!!? ...... Right!!?......An' third off I'll make right certain b' th' time me right arms right through wi' you, no right thinkin' bein' will tell you right from a bag o' me best fresh diced scrag end!!!!! ....Right!!?.... An' guess what!?..... I'M ABOUT DOIN' RIGHT WHAT I SAYS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!... THAT ENOUGH BUCKIN' RIGHTS F' YOUS????!!!!!!!!
And with that Prosperous McSheen the butcher threw away his paper, rolled his sleeve to the elbow, and seizing down an axe from above the lintel, launched upon his wife's cat the sort of pitiless slaughter not seen on these shores since our Chieftan, Bryan Boru, drew his sword at the head of the Fianna and fell upon the Dane at Clontarf. In an instant possessed, the butcher unleashed upon his fellow creature an age of man's ugliest hatred of those in his path. So much so that the insane and bloody echo of his bitterness made his house ring like Hell's belfry at midnight.
Soon it was all over. And, of course, it was the butcher had the best of it by far. The cat, or, more properly, elements of it, left decorating various diverse locations. From these he quickly gathered it together again and, neighbour only to a nosey moon prying above the motionless mist of the mountains, he buried the unfortuate once gobby, now posthumous puss. Adding with some semblence of charity, as the Christian man he considered himself to be, a short requiem that the thing rest in peace; as it most assuredly rested in pieces. And in he time it takes a dog to whistlle through it's arse, he was himself sound asleep snoring in his bed. The taunting boast of animal rights no more than a whimsy from the world of mischevious spirits.
What a surprise then next morning to awake not to the slender filigreed fingers of the sun, slipping his curtains to sew his bedsheets with golden thread, but to heavy repeated blows to his door. There stood tree burly Guards. Acting upon information recieved, and in pursuance of their investigations, they had a warrant to search his premises. A full one hour later, removing recently dug earth from his cabbage patch, they exhumed the dismembered and pulverised remains of his missing wife.
The Corner Coves. Jeeeeeeze!! Th' ol' slyboots!! We'll go bail f' this one! How's that f' a dandy ruse f' gettin' shot o' th' ol' trout!? He thought she was th' cat!! There's one t' fox th' Ol' Beak!! Our hats off to 'im! Yous could't invent it. Tell us, now. Was th' lovely feller done f' it?
Mr Donal O'Doggerel. Haven't I here in my pocket the very clipping announcing the outcome of his arraignment. And was it not myself that broke the sombre news.....I shall read it to you verbatim......
' FAIR CITY TRUMPETER. DATED.?..A WEEK OR SO AGO?......OR MAYBE IT WAS A BIT LONGER....NO ONE'S COUNTING......STOP PRESS. MR DONAL O'DOGGEREL REPORTING FROM THE STEPS OF 'THE SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER ASYLUM FOR THE REGRETTABLE '. THIS VERY MORNING WAS TRANSPORTED HERE MR PROSPEROUS McSHEEN, KNOWN TO ALL AS THE TERRIBLE BUTCHER OF LOUGHKNOCKNAGREEN CROSS. HIM TO ANSWER BEFORE THE BOARD OF GUARDIANS TO DETERMINE WHETHER HE BE THOUGHT SANE TO SWING AS A PATHOLOGICAL KNACKER FOR THE UNLAWFUL PUTTING DOWN BY HIS OWN HAND OF ANOTHER? OR BE DEEMED A HOPELESS MADMAN AND BE DISCHARGED INTO THE CARE OF THE ASYLUM WITH THE INTENTION OF RECTIFYING HIS WITS, NOT TO MENTION HIS EYESIGHT? THE GRAVE MATTER BEFORE THE BOARD WAS THUS : SHALL A MAN BE BLAMED FOR THE MURDER OF AN IMPERTINENT AND MOUTHY MOGGIE, JUST ON ACCOUNT OF IT TURNS OUT TO BE HIS WIFE? THE DECISION OF THE BOARD WAS UNANIMOUS.
THE FELLOW WAS FOUND.........'
The Flighty Stuff. GUILTY!! GUILTY!!...We demand th' noose f' any black hearted fiend who mistakes his wife f' a domestic pet!
The Corner Coves. Get away wi' yerselves women and quit shakin' yer powder on all th' world's livin'. Sure it's a common enough mistake f' any man t' make. Let th' grand ol' rogue go we say. It was nothin' more than the drink playin' tricks.
Mr Donal O'Doggerel. Well, here's one to tickle tongues around the fire for an age to come. And at mention of drink, I see we have stamped Big Joe's already. I seem to recall there was talk of a complimentary toddy for my pains?
The Corner Coves. So there was. An' we'll stand yous that ol' Seanchai, yous fat ol' fraud. Then f' another yous can settle th' matter between us an' let on what befell th' blighter. Let's inside now, at a canter, an'..........
Mrs Mulligan's Girls. Mr O'Doggerel! Halt there at once and do not take another step! See now; Our Mammy says! Haven't we traipsed the length of the road to ruin to call you in from the dark side of the moon. Stop all this nonsense at once! At once; Our Mammy says! There's food on the table forever waiting on you showing your face. And you out measuring your days by the devil's hourglass, downing the dark drink and spouting all manner of silly fancies! And you still owing Our Mammy six months back rent. Is there no shame you can call on? 'Look sharp and be soon!', Our Mammy says. Home!...At a gallop, mister! See now; Our Mammy says!....
Mr Donal O'Doggerel It would appear a further installment must be postponed. But another time surely. Before Death is the bright angel that takes men away from a life of debt and disillusion, we'll meet and talk again. Till then, Slainte!
The Corner Coves. And to you Sweet Seanchai! Now go on your way.
Let the Chieftains of Erin walk with you today!
The Flighty Stuff. Silver tongued Seanchai! Wear the Collar of Gold
Feast in Tir na Nog and never grow old!
Ensemble. Here's health to our Seanchai! Cur sios cruinne!
To the Tall Talkin' Man, Golden Gob of the Green!
Slan! |
shakespeare
Written by robokent (84 comments posted) 7th May 2006 | Usually afraid to tackle your Irish, I decided given the nice mention in the intro that I'd give it my best try, and I must say I was rewarded for my effort!
The opening reminded me of an intro to a Shakespearean play, where the bard sets the tone, and the two goofy guys hearing the tale reminded me of the funny little minor characters in one of Willie's plays. How's that for a comparison?
As my favorite gospel story is Jesus turning the water into wine, I love your little take on it. Classic.
Ending with the rhymes, magnificent.
Thanks for a great read. I have nothing negative to say, except that I don't know, maybe it's a little long for a website reading, but definitely worth it! | "Laugh? I .... thought I would have cri
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 8th May 2006 |
♪" ....... knocked it in the Old Kent Road" ♪
Gerardconnolly, you have a happy knack of making people smile! You could cetainly justify a claim to the job description "Seanchai" your good self! Thoroughly enjoyable read!
robokent mentions Shakespeare. Personally I thought more of the "hook" Chaucer managed to insert in the ending of each of the Canterbury Tales to encourage the reader (or storyteller?) to carry on with the NEXT tale ....
Thanks for cheering up a miserable, wet Monday morning for me!   | and BTW ........
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 8th May 2006 |
.......... I can never resist the temptation to quote song titles!! | God bless America...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | Thank you Rob. I was beginning to think no one cared. Genius ploughs a lonely furrow, as I believe Thornton Wilder once said, having been passed over for the Pulitzer Prize. Talking of which, I am flattered anything of mine could put you in mind of Billy S. Most of my work can be found decorating the whitewashed walls of the Public Pookies. Though I do have amongst my alter egos one Jesus C. Shakespeare III, a tribute to your uniquely funny and foul tempered fellow countryman, Norman Mailer, a great favourite of mine. When about to celebrate his 80th birthday told his agent he proposed to invite ' Everyone he had ever insulted!'. ' But we could never get a venue big enough!' was the alleged reply. My compliments to that grand feller. I must resurrect him one day.
Slainte! | Your 'avin a larf, my son...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | And thanks to you, Bags, also.
Your encouraging words seem somehow to have beaten my above reply to the site.
I am glad I made you laugh. Funny, that's just what my editor said to me as she was responding to my requset for a small advanced payment recently. Or maybe it was 'Don't make me laugh...'.. Yes.... I think that was it.
Bags you are certainly on my conscienece and I promise I will visit your Chapel as promised this week. In the meantime best of luck with the competition I mentioned to you if you decide to enter. I think a Rock n' Roll story it would be right up your street.
Slainte! | Funnily enough
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | I had the same difficulty getting in to this one as I do most of Jean Day's pieces-I hasten to add that is no reflection on either author.
This is because both of you put as much importance on the setting as you do a piece's subject.
At times you are like an Irish Thomas Love Peacock. However (as with his work) this piece is more accessible to those who share a cultural background. (Or/and in TLP's case copious footnotes.)
Brian
| class act.
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | Ridiculously good, my personal favourite quote, “'THE SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER ASYLUM FOR THE REGRETTABLE”. There is nothing more to say other than I wish I could write this well.
Alastair. | I live for Art...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | Thank you Alistair.
I am sure you are being a little too modest. Everyone has a treasure in the attic, even if it be The Wife's Mother's Ashes. I'll return the favour on one of your pieces as soon as I have a moment and see what you can teach me.
Slainte! | Yes.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | Thank you, Brian.
As I made clear in the Author's note this is not an idiom which will appeal to all. However, as I have tried to point out to GypsyGirl reviewing her above piece, whatever the subject, appreciation of the quality of the writing is always a different issue and I would be heartily disappointed to fall at both fences. Happily not, it would seem and I appreciate your candour and your comments.
By way of explaination, this was one of three pieces I was asked to prepare for Fish. The other two were sent and for a variety of complex reasons this one [Originally THE McSHEEN AGE ] was redundant. My agent thinks it will suit the radio, as do I, and the obvious place is RTE. It's now over to her, though in a much longer format.
Interestingly, working in this my favourite idiom -I am after all a Galway boy brought up in the classic tradition of Gaelic storytelling- a good deal of what I can syndicate goes to Australia and the USA. Which tends to prove your point. A more obviously tutored piece for the determinedly 'English' reader here would be ACTING THE GOAT over on Comedy. Although not something to get me on certain people's Christmas Card list, I still loved writing equally well.
Again thanks.
Slainte! |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | This is beautiful writing Gerard. I had to read it several times before I was in the correct `mode` but once I was tuned in it flowed very sweetly. I love the way one is`led` from one story to the next. As an ex cat-owner I particularly liked that section...Perhaps I could get away with it if I `partook of the guiness`.
Once again, well done, and I now know what excellent company I was in with the 100 word competition... | The devil's in the detail....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | For the Detail is the very devil.
Thank you Woody,
Yourself is most kind. an ex cat owner may count his blessings. An ex wife owner will have cause to rue his fortune. Or, more properly, lack of it.
Slainte!
| A way with the words
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | I must admit I was put off by the prologue for a while. If there’s a long prologue I always think it must be too clever and not for the likes ‘o me. But as it was you I decided to brave it (OK, OK so I skipped it,) And what follows was for me some delightfully erudite lunacy. You don’t so much read it as just let all that beautifully crafted dialogue wash over you as you immerse yourself in it. I have Irish relatives and when you ask a question you don’t get an answer but a story. It’s the telling of the story that matters. And here one story blended unnoticed into another because I was so beguiled by the language.
It was a particular joy to see a story told in dialogue, it’s my favourite medium and this was an object lesson in how to do it. I’d love to hear it spoken, which would I’m sure be different experience but, here we’re stuck with radio 4 and they got rid of Gerry Anderson because he had the temerity to be Irish as well very intelligent and articulate - they couldn’t handle that. I do envy you over there with RTE, the craic must be great.
cheers
BBS
| The Last piece of the jigsaw...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | Many thanks for a kind, constructive and intelligent response. I would have accepted no less from you! I do take your point about the author's introduction, but several others have inveighed upon me to explain my idiomatic pieces and as much as I hate to risk patronising people, I thought, since the site is supposed to be helpful and also since BRN had threatened to set Siddie on me, I had better comply.
More to the point full marks for making the point that this sort of storytelling is about the joy of storytelling as much as it is the story itself. Though I value what everyone has said you are the only one to pick up on that. At risk of sounding pompous, that is really so important to empathising with a form of storytelling that is altogether different from the traditional start, middle and finish most are used to. Not that I have anthing against the latter. It's just that I am all for celebrating the variety of the wonderful people of these islands not circumscribing their horizons.
Again, my thanks.
Slainte! | Addendum...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 8th May 2006 | | And thanks to all for your generous PMs. I will reply to all in full as time allows. |
Written by Star-Munky (33 comments posted) 21st May 2006 | I'd love to hear this read out aloud. By someone other than me, for I fear my monotonous Essex dialect did it little justice.
I thought I was getting my self lost for a while with the lingo and almost worried I was missing the story.
It was only after I finished that I realised I understood just the right amount to enjoy and smile about what I'd just read.
So did he indeed see his wife as the cat, or was it that he murdered his wife first, then the cat? | It will cost you to know...!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 21st May 2006 | Oi! Less of the lip abput Essex. I live in The Geriatric People's Republic of Saffron Walden.
Many thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Also for being the first to fall for the Seanchai's old flanker by asking for an explaination of the story. That would be his cue to explain by way of another story and you would have to pay again!! One of the most celebrated Seanchai, Fintan Feillhan o Rourchai had three basic stories which by the time he died aged eighty four, had become over four hundred!!!
Thanks again. I will look you up soon and see what I make of your postings
God bless and Slainte! |
Written by kevg (45 comments posted) 26th August 2006 | Excellent job.
Again, I thought the dialect would send me running, but once I adjusted I found this to be very enjoyable.
A very interesting form of storytelling, I found this to be quite engaging.
'What a surprise then next morning to awake not to the slender filigreed fingers of the sun, slipping his curtains to sew his bedsheets with golden thread, but to heavy repeated blows to his door.'
You have a very nice way with words indeed, a great pleasure to read.
I believe the introduction to be necessary also, an explaination of the tradition certainly makes the piece more accessible to those who are unfamiliar.
KevG | Blast from the past....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th August 2006 | Many Thanks Kev.
I had forgotten about this. It was such a while ago. Coming from you I take the above as a real compliment.
Slan! |
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 10th September 2006 | A story within a scene within a story... Storyteller Connolly telling about storyteller O'Doggerel telling about the drunk McSheen.
Brilliant how you made him tell that gruesome story. Metaphors from Krakatoa till Clontarf, the one more exaggerated than the other.
And the setting was great, eventhough you never describe it. You realy took the reader there, listening to this O'Doggerel, rather than reading.
A very nice read. | Sold!....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 10th September 2006 | Thank you. Fieldmouse.
This is something I did a while ago and now comes from a collection wending its wy towards publication with Penguin [Ireland ], under the title of ' Raise a Glass to the Gael '. Available in the Spring of 07 at present rate. The tale may have changed a touch.
Slan! | CATS!? I'll give you fuckin' cats!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 13th May 2007 | Thank you for your PM Munkey. This is what I mean.
Slan! | SOD CATS!!!
Written by libbylaw (7 comments posted) 11th July 2007 | This came up for review and I am so glad it did as I always enjoy your work. How fantastically different is your style of writing to so many others! Loved this. Super erudite lunacy that sweeps the reader away with effortless eloquence!! I have read so many cat pieces on this site but absolutely nothing to compare with this.
LIBBY. | Yes. FUCK THEM INDEED!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | Thank you Libby.
I wrote this so long ago I had almost forgotten it existed. But my compliments to you for the mention. It is appreciated.
The last cat we had tried my patience to the extent that in ended up in the Tumble Dryer. Full 120 minute Tumble with reverse action. Extra Hot. The creature never dared to cross me again.
Slan!
| Verbal Gymnastics
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 13th July 2007 | Missed this Gerard, then Libby flagged it up. Super story. So very Irish. Skillful use of the venacular. And of course the best bit is that we are none the wiser at the end than we were at the begining!!! Such a very different approach to storytelling. The story is just an excuse for verbal gymnastics and great fun!!
Well done. About time you gave us another treat of that mercurial Irish wit on this site. Its a bit dull at the moment
LANCE.
| Sleeper.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th July 2007 | Thank you Lance.
It was great fun to write. In truth I should develop it and do something with it. Like enter it for Bridport or the like. But there is always something more pressing. Like a gas bill. Or a visit from 'The Greedy Daughter from Over the Water '. If she simply phones I know I am safe and can get away with a few hundred quid. When she announces she is actually coming to visit then, O Tempora, O Mores! No escape, its a four figure sum.
Slan! | Bridport.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 15th July 2007 | Actually Lance, I must come back and thank you publicly for prompting a good idea. Normally I loath Writing Competitions and have never entered one in my life. But my agent has been badgering me for some time to consider I enter something national; she for the profile and the remote possibility I might win; me, for the money; though in the near certainty I will not win.
On careful reflection my joke of entering this is not as far fetched as I intended. Looking through this whimsy again after your response it strikes me this could easily be made to fit the criteria of Bridport. In the unlikely event I get to finger some serious loot I shall certainly let you know. Or perhaps not....
Slan! And thanks again. |
Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 16th July 2007 | I must also thank Lance and Libby for bringing this back to the fore. I may have missed it otherwise.
Gerard, you astonish me. You write beautifully, and at times, brilliantly. I, like many others I'm sure, only wish that I could write as well as you. Not only the writing but the imagination and technical expertise you bring to a piece is sometimes simply stunning.
What surprises me is that, with your obvious combination of talent and skill, you appear to write predominently for an extremely limited marketplace. By writing for the irish, those who like to think they're irish, and those who generations ago may have once had a relative with an irish sounding name, surely you are not making the most of your talent.
Huge apologies if you've explained all this before but I haven't been a member long.
Best wishes
Wltshr
PS Yes, I have read Marie Lloyd and the Cromwell script but I understand that they are not destined for production. Is this right? | Wonderful wit!
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 16th July 2007 |  Shocked I am that I didn't leave a comment first time I read it - I was probably shaking with uncontrollable mirth, and my keks soaking wet around my ankles!!
There are so many festivals throughout the summer all over Ireland!
If only we could meet up, face to face at one or othr of them: I can almost "hear" you reading ALL the parts (as you remind us, this is what the Seanchai traditionally does!)
But if you happen to be at the Boyle Festival at the end of this month, this garsun will be only too happy to wet your whistle! | CAT BURGLERS......
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 16th July 2007 | Many thanks Wiltshr for your kind comments. I am glad it gave you a moment or two of enjoyment. A number of reviews for this over the last few days, your's included, have reminded me it was still out there and perhaps I should do some thing with it. Sad person that I am, it always irritates me when I notice folks reading my work AND I AM NOT GETTING PAID!!!
As regards the questions you raise, yes, what you say is most pertinent and sometning that exercises me a good deal. Its a complicated situation. Suffice to say that much of what I write for immediate payment is aimed at syndication and a niche market is not necessarily disadvantageous. There are, however, drawbacks. The most notorious of which is that it can result in the surrender of authorship. If you are intersested in how this works drop me a PM and I will endevour to try to explain it to you.
For now ,no Marie Lloyd is done with and may be out in the autumn depending on Scheduled Listings. Mine, however, is a much altered version and only one of six. Cromwell is work in progress which is why I can no longer post anything relative to this here. Interestingly I am also at work on a much more ambitious Irish piece which I may well benefit from testing out here.
In the meantime thanks again. I will certainly have a snoop around over the next few days and see what you have been up to.
Slan!
| CATastrophic Cock up.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 16th July 2007 | Thank you Paul.
Paul, as an Evertonian, I have always feared it was inevitable you would one day take leave of your senses utterly and go completely mad. I do hope that day is some way off yet, though the fact that you do not seem to have grasped you have already commented on this previoulsy does give me, as I am sure so many of your good friends on this site, the gravest cause for concern. God alone knows what it is you are putting in that coffee, but whatever no good will come of it, mark my words.
So so. I am glad to hear from you again by either accident or design. Which is more than I can say for that malign creature, the cat.
I will have a screw of my diary and see when next I am amongst the Green Master Race and let you know. Many thanks for your offer as also for your kind comments. Even if you had forgotten you had made them already!!!
Slan! | Very late
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 16th July 2007 | I missed this first up as it appeared very soon after I joined GW, while I was still feeling my way.
My background in literature and my own weird sense of humour does predispose me to the appreciation of this piece. I did my honours thesis on the Swift story as it appeared through Finnegans Wake and much of that tome , with its new made idiome has been part of my referential, even reverential ,language in conversations ever since .
Now this piece of yours does not have the compressed punning language of the Wake ( and praise be for that ! ) but it does have that wonderful musical flow of the story telling style that Joyce uses . Though I am more fond in the book of the the tale telling about Ana Livia by the washerwomen at the ford , there are moments when I was transported back to the stories of The Mookse and the Gripes andThe Ondt and the Gracehoper
The Corner Coves are a delightful parallel to the jury who sat in judgment on HCE; the phraseology reminds me of such as up jock and hockums and Mrs Mulligan's girls are a wonderful chorus like Icy-la-belle's rainbow sisters ... I will stop there, because I strongly suspect that you would not really want to be saddled with too many Joycean references . You are your own individual stylist.
Your storyteller is so much more direct than he but if I may say so, just as cunning !
The balance of comment from the listeners is nigh on perfect, the language is scintillating and a joy to read ,even to the newspaper clipping which is such a neat device to give variety to the piece .
Forget the literary references--this was a thoroughly delightful piece of story telling ,beautifully constructed.
And to finish on a slightly critical note,in case I have been too fulsome in my appreciation ,here is a but after all the hoorays .I felt the arrival of the sun was just a little too Romantic English in style.
Great stuff. | Ooooooooops!
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | Have just checked and found my [May 06] comment which I somehow didn't spot yesterday 
Still, such a fresh and lively piece deserves re-visiting and re-commenting!
Slàn!
Paul | CATagorically
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | should be entered. But I looked up Bridport and the comp. closes for entries 30/06 it says. Unless, of course, you know something I don't. Which would not be difficult.
Oh yes and you know all that impressive stuff patterjack said. I meant to say that too, but I can't understand James Joyce.
Lance. | Stupid Cat!!
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | Ooops!
Apologies! Have just discovered you can pay a late entry premium. 
Lance. | CATaclysm averted....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | OK Lance.
I think I've got the message.
Slan! |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | Hi Gerard.
Being merely English didn't put me off this at all. I can't do accents, but I can hear them in my head. As I read this I heard the rich, lilting voices bantering away in my version of Irish.
Others have mentioned Chaucer, Shakespeare and Joyce. Always the awkward one, it reminded me of Burns's Tam, another with roots firmly in the oral tradition.
The way the main tale was framed with a prologue and epilogue of dialogue worked really well. I enjoyed the ending, but I'm not convinced sections of a modern audience would be satisfied. There's a great enjoyment to be had from the journey in this too - it's not the arriving, it's the getting there that counts. The language and humour work really well.
I've not read anything like this for a while. Its otherness, compared to what I imagine will be entered into competitions, should make it stand out. I guess you've got to have something more than simple quality to win anything big. The fact this is written in dialect could also give it an edge. I'm not much of a TV watcher, but even I've noticed that there are regional accents all over the telly these days.
On a purely personal level, I enjoyed this very much. A more than pleasant change to the usual stuff. Script writing meets narrative - you should be right at home.
Struggled to find anything to crit. The only thing that occurred to me was Mrs Mulligan's girls speech went on too long without saying too much. I just wanted to get on to see how it ended.
Very glad I've read this Gerard. I thinbk you posted it before I was a member.
All the best,
Phil | CATillinarian Conspiritors
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | Many thanks Brian and Phil in assisting me in my aim to overthrow the competition's English patricians. I shall reply to you both in detail when I have a moment
Slan! | go raith mile maith agat....!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 17th July 2007 | Firstly Brian, thanks for the overview. Its always good to get the opinion of a cross section of those on the site whose response is worth having. I had forgotten about this piece until I was reminded of it and a combination of so many reviewers including the likes of yourself, Phil, Paul, etc to Jean, Wiltshr etc and my youngest son's student friends can't all be wrong and confirm what others have previously intimated. Namely, that its idiom would be no barrier to more general enjoyment.
I take on board what you say about the literary incongrousness of the sun allusion. I shall be weighing up all comments before settling on a final copy.
Again many thanks and please keep in touch.
Slan! | Genuine thanks, PHIL...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 18th July 2007 | And you too Phil. As with Brian and the others I have always admired the way you put yourself about selflessly and honestly on behalf of the aspiring writers on this site. Your opinion too is always of value to me as I can count on you to speak your mind without any ulterior motive.
To write something which has given enjoyment to such a varied audience and to have garnered in banter of Chaucer; Shakespeare and Joyce certainly has me convinced I must do more with this. I would add Milligan and O'Brien as well as John B Kean to my list of inspirations. No matter. As Wltshr has observed it is no good sitting about here preaching to the converted. I will set it on my list of real world prorities.
As with Brian again I take on board the remark about Mrs Mulligan's Girls. [ How clever of Brian to spot Icy- la Belle, there. I thought no one would suss that ] Ideally a piece like this should accelerate to a crescendo at the finale like a conjurer's act of leger de main. I have some thoughts of my own on this but what you say is certainly worth bearing in mind.
Again many thanks. Do stay in touch and I shall be looking out for 'Project Eugene ' perhaps as a longer unifies script!
Slan! |
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