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By brook_rivers
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13 May 2006 |
So this is goodbye?
I never thought that you & me would ever go our separate ways. I thought we were for keeps, forever. I feel sad that it has come to this. We have spent so much time together, and we know each other so well that it’s hard to image life without you, or remember life before you for that matter.
I want to scream and shout at you so much. Some of the things you have said have been so hurtful, so unlike you. I can’t though, I can’t be really angry at you. I only have to look at you and my heart melts. It always been the same, you know that, you turn your big brown puppy dog eyes on me or else turn the fight into a comedy. Instead of being in fits of rage I end up in fits of laughter. It feels like the shows over this time round though, the curtain has finally dropped and you’re not playing the part of the clown anymore. In fact maybe I don’t really know who you are. After all this time maybe I don’t actually know the real you.
You haven’t exactly been Mr Honesty with me lately, but I am going to be square with you. To tell the absolute truth half of me wants to go running after you, feel your arms around me again and have everything go back to ‘normal’. Well for a few months at least until the next big row! But the other half of me thinks well do I want that? A few moments of happiness here and there, and just accept that the rows, the games, the hurt is all part of it too? No relationship is perfect I know and you have to take the rough with the smooth but the amount of ‘bad patches’ and second chances we have had… well I don’t think I can count them all.
But there is always that doubt. What if I leave and realise its all a big mistake? What if we break up and then I can’t cope without you? What if you’re meant to be the love of my life and I give up on you? What if I never find anyone else? How can I live day to day life without thinking of you? What if, what if, what if? How the hell am I meant to make the right decision here? Maybe there isn’t a Right decision.
My mind is all over the place at the moment I really don’t know what I want, I don’t know my own thoughts and you are quickly becoming a stranger to me.
I hope you haven’t been unhappy all these years, it hasn’t been all bad. You will always have a big part in my heart and my memories whatever happens. How could you not? Maybe it is time to move on, maybe we will both find happiness else where. If we don’t do it now we will never know. We might never see each other again (what a strange thought) but it’s a risk that we will have to take, I suppose. Still, like I said I still want you to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok. I’ve always been one for playing it safe though haven’t I?!!
There is so much more I want to say but I don’t really know how. Why it has to be like this I don’t know. Love is obviously NOT enough.
I really can’t believe this might be the final goodbye.
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Love really isnt enough
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 15th May 2006 | I was right with you there, every step of the way and had to blink rapidly several times over the last three paragraphs save start bawling in the office.
I feel for you, have been down that road recently myself. In fact had been thinking about writing something similar, accept you have written it for me.
In such moments the need for hope takes over and somehow we get through.
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Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 15th May 2006 | Thank you for your kind comments Jonnie. I was not sure whether to post this as obviously it is very personal but decided to in the end as it provides a link with the poetry I have written and I knew someone on here would understand & hopefully appreciate this piece - and that someone was you!
In such moments the need for hope takes over and somehow we get through.
This statement is very true!!!
Thanks again
| Touching
Written by scrump999 (8 comments posted) 15th May 2006 | Reading this felt very strange to me as it was clearly a very personal piece but i can truly empathise with the situation. in fact about a year or so ago i could have written the exact same piece (if only i could have found the words).
its really beautifully written and i'm glad you chose to share, if nothing else it helps us realise that so many others go through the same experience.
Thank you | Touching
Written by scrump999 (8 comments posted) 15th May 2006 | Reading this felt very strange to me as it was clearly a very personal piece but i can truly empathise with the situation. in fact about a year or so ago i could have written the exact same piece (if only i could have found the words).
its really beautifully written and i'm glad you chose to share, if nothing else it helps us realise that so many others go through the same experience.
Thank you | Thank you for sharing this
Written by Leigh (226 comments posted) 5th June 2006 | I echo what the other reviewers have said really - this is a very eloquent and emotive piece. I'm sure a lot of us can identify with the sentiments.
Was the letter actually sent to its intended target? | Thank you for sharing this
Written by Leigh (226 comments posted) 5th June 2006 | I echo what the other reviewers have said really - this is a very eloquent and emotive piece. I'm sure a lot of us can identify with the sentiments.
Was the letter actually sent to its intended target? |
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