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Poetry
River Bank
By patterjack
15 May 2006
Hamlet: Let her not walk i' the sun

RIVER BANK

i.

Here on the river bank
undistinguished red and brown birds drink
and leave on the sucking river mud, cross-hatched
the patterns that their tiny feet have etched.

I leave the others, wait, and watch the water's ripple
rib the sand with charcoal weals and grapple
the Laocoons of gums and their serpent roots
that strive to hold the banks; a pattern that repeats
mile after agonied mile.

Then a parrot's screech is almost words
tearing a silence I could almost touch
and echoing the yells
of a young boy's yes to a woman's calls.

 

ii.

 

Hamlet: Let her not walk i' the sun

 

But walk in the sun she did: on the river bank
where the long green tug of spring pulled from the earth
till it tingled in her thighs and the mica-laden sand
glittered with desire. Earth's surface warmth
flowed round her feet and she dug her toes deep
to the wetness and coolness below. Unbidden laughter
rose in her throat to see her scuffled tracks
furrowing the beach and overlaying
the precisely formless prints of water-birds.

Stillness and brightness overcame her will.
She sank to the sand; her open arms compelled
the warmth of the boy beside her.
He and the sun responded; she, bemused
by the warmth of kisses lay in a long gold dream.
Exploring hands unsheathed her, and her breasts
touched by the sun and love, bloomed pink.

Then voices, and the callous stares of others,
wanderers along the river. Perhaps the children's cries
sounded to her like bird calls as she stirred
but slightly; then came the rough intrusion
of men upon the world that lay behind
the blossoming in her eyelids. Dazzled by the sun
she lay a moment , then the warmth was gone.

Sick and ashamed, she covered her nakedness
struggling into her clothes and, shocked and chilled,
ran from their sniggering ribaldry, leaving the river
flowing silent, deep and cold.

Reviews

Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 15th May 2006
At first I was thinking Ophelia, then towards the end Eve. 
I enjoyed reading your beautiful, thoughtful language; this is a poem to read and reread...

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 15th May 2006
Agree with the above. 
I have to say I am so envious of you patterjack! You always write the most amazing poetry. Have you got anything in print, any collections available to buy? If you havent you really should! if your inspiring poetry isnt printed there is no hope for the rest of us! :)
Wonderful!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 6th October 2006
A work of genius. I am humbled! 
 
Your talent for words is something I envy. My doggerel seems commonplace and tawdry in comparison. 
 
Respect 
 
Oli. 
 

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 10th October 2006
I found this difficult to read at first but it has a kind of hypnotic power that draws you back. Some truly stunning imagery and I love the way you change the tone so dramatically towards the end. Totally stunning. 
 
Elli
A tad convoluted ...
Written by patterjack (1322 comments posted) 10th October 2006
... I agree . It is based on an actual witnessed event which had a great effect on me . Hence the density of language. I did try to get into the girl's mind , hopefully successfully for once. 
 
Thank you for the comments  
 
patterjack
my dear...
Written by no1butClo (338 comments posted) 6th April 2007
I will have to take serious action if you continue to be so bloody good at this. 
 
Are you a classicist? The word 'unsheathed' brought a wry smile. 
 
Well done pj 
 
clo
Cannot but agree!
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 2nd February 2008
Respected sir, will you please leave a few places at the table for lesser mortals? 
Pete

Written by Phil (6832 comments posted) 2nd February 2008
Congratulations on Pick of the Week, Brian. Posted before I joined GW, I hadn't seen this before. 
 
There's a real power in the words that gather strength and pace as the piece progresses. The girl - though not decribed - was beautiful. You say you wanted to get into the girl's mind. I think you succeeded as the latter parts of this were seen - at least by this reader - through her eyes. 
 
Lovely, dark and a little distubing. 
 
Phil
Picks up steam...
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 24th July 2008
Everything after the quote from Hamlet is stunningly brilliant, and what comes before is quite nice as well! I stumbled a little on your allusion to Laocoon... but on second though, perhaps her short-lived joy is the Trojan horse, here? 
 
Some noteworthy phrasing: 
"precisely formless prints" 
"she, bemused by the warmth of kisses lay in a long gold dream" 
 
Heady stuff, and worth many reads!

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