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Changing Elements
By brook_rivers
16 May 2006
 

Natures changing elements are mirroring my life.
 

The sun has been engulfed by mist
Eclipsed by darkness
The warm rays have faded to a chill
 

The air is no longer a gentle lull
But a harsh, biting wind
The breeze has turned into a hurricane
 

The purest, fluffy, white clouds rupture
Becoming frightfully menacing
The rain forcefully plasters the ground
 

The tranquil pastel sky is ripped through
Thunder shakes the world
The lightning viciously strikes the heavens
 

The calm lapping waves are no more
Whipped into a frenzy
The sea has transformed into a torrent
 

Natures changing elements are mirroring my life.

Reviews
Excellent!
Written by Crayfish (11 comments posted) 17th May 2006
I love how you've captured the feeling that we are all part of nature. It is something we should respect and take notice of. It is an interesting and, I think, enlightening way of looking at our lives. This is sort of dark, yet you have described a transformation, mentioning the variety in our lives and throughout nature. I like how you have broken the poem into shorter stanzas, and "book-ended" it with the same eye-catching and concluding line. Excellent!

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 18th May 2006
Thanks for your comment Crayfish! 
I wasnt sure with the line : 
 
'Natures changing elements are mirroring my life.' 
 
To book end it as I have done or to repeat it in between each stanza, or just to leave it out all together, if anyone has any thoughts on this would be much appreciated! 
 

Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 31st May 2006
If you repeated it between each stanza, that would be too much. However, the "book end" is awkward to me at the end. The first time you say it at the beginning is fine because it's like an introduction to the poem in a way. At the end, though...to me, it just doesn't fit. However, if you were to take it out, you'd need another stanza to close out the poem. If you can think of one, please let me know and I'll be glad to read this poem again but if you're satisfied with ending it this way...it's your poem after all! I do agree that it has a dark side to it, but I didn't get the feeling that we're part of nature from it. You used nature beautifully to describe a deeper feeling (I think) of how things change from being sweet and innocent into...not sweet and innocent. In my opinion. Then again, I think everyone gets a different feeling from the poem but the bottom line is that it's a great poem!

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