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Love and Glory: Final Mission pt.1 |
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By Star-Munky
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18 May 2006 |
So. Here's my first submission, it's the first part of about 5 or 6 that I'm working on. I hope you enjoy it. He was back again. Tiala wiped her hands nervously against her apron and pushed a strand of greasy brown hair back from her forehead. She glanced quickly at her reflection in the burnished steel of the kitchen wall and made an attempt at brushing the cooking fat off of her blouse. With a grimace at herself she turned swiftly, scooped up a nearby tray of refreshments and pushed through the heavy doors onto the Taverna floor. After the stifling heat of the kitchen the air on the floor felt cool and fresh as it washed over her face but it did little to stop the thudding of Tialas heart. She stood still for a moment and, taking a deep breath through her nose then letting the air seep from her mouth, tried to regain her composure. Slowly she continued to walk towards the table at the back of the room. As she drew nearer Tiala could make out the people sitting there, a gangly looking man with dirty white skin and half an ear missing. Next to him a tall stocky woman with masculine features and short cropped blonde hair was toying with a deck of cards. The small mounds of her chest, barely visible under an oil stained jumpsuit, the only indication of her true gender.
Tiala’s pulse hammered in her neck as she laid eyes on the third person lounging at the small round table. A short sturdy man with hair like tousled straw and a tarnished metal plate riveted over one eye sat facing the other two, as ever a large cigar was clamped in his widely grinning mouth. As Tiala approached the table the grinning man looked over and locked his eye onto hers, she felt her cheeks flush hotly as he smiled warmly at her before turning back to his companions “Your round if I’m not mistaken Dia’!” Tiala smiled and placed the tray onto the table. The tall, grizzled looking man made a show of rolling his eyes at the others as he pulled a battered looking money purse from his dirty overalls. He turned to Tiala with a playful sneer and winked mischievously “It’s enough that I have to put up with your ridiculously overpriced drinks and abysmal service without these freeloaders ripping me off as well. Go on, how much is it this time? Or shall I just tear the shirt from my back and give it to you now?” Tiala held back a grin and raised her hand; all five digits splayed, closed a fist then splayed her fingers again. Dia’ rocked back on his chair before spurting out “TEN … Ten zilits for this mulch, you’re killing me Ms. Ti … you know that?” Tiala’s foot tapped against the floor as she held out her hand and shook her head sternly at the man. Dia’ smiled brightly and counted 60 zilits into her upturned palm, before mouthing silently “Now make sure to put that straight in a safe place and don’t let none of the other girls see it. That money’s for you only, got that Ms. Ti?” Tiala bent over and kissed him lightly on the cheek, then stood and smoothed her hands over her rumpled apron and dropped the money into her pocket before handing out the drinks on the tray. Two whiskeys, one each for Dia’ and Sandrin and a glass of filtered water for the man they called Tyrek. Tiala didn’t much like the name Tyrek, she much preferred his real name. But she had promised never to let anyone know what that was. She preferred it that way anyway. She knew something about him even his dearest friends didn’t; it was a testament to how close they had grown.
As she placed the water down she turned her head to look at him and was startled to see that he was already gazing at her intently. Her heart fluttered and she nearly spilt the drink, but managed to catch herself at the last second. He smiled warmly at her and placed his hand on top of hers. Resting his cigar on the edge of the table he began to sign with his free hand; you ok? Tiala nodded her head before signing back I missed you, do you always have to go for so long? Tyrek clenched his jaw and shrugged, Tiala blew out through her lips how long are you back for this time? Tyrek looked down at the floor then back into Tiala’s expectant eyes we’re back out in the morning Tiala, but I’ll be finished soon I promise. Tyrek ignored the hurt look on her face and continued how are you getting on here? Do they treat you O.K.? She looked down at her grubby apron and smirked. Tyrek placed his finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to his, you don’t have to work here Tiala, I can give you money if you need it! A look shot across Tiala’s face, then she smiled awkwardly and kissed him on the forehead. Turning to the others and wiggling her fingers in a “goodbye” she flounced back across the floor to the kitchens.
Tyrek watched her push through the heavy doors into the kitchen and muttered a curse at himself, subtlety was definitely on his “to-do“ list. He realised he must have been staring after her for longer than intended when Sandrins husky voice tore into his musings “…ooks like you were right Dia’, there is something the boss loves more than money!” Tyrek pulled his eyes from the swinging door and, gazing levelly at the powerful woman, stuck the smoldering cigar butt into his mouth and snatched the stack of cards from her hands “We playing Drak or what?”
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Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 20th June 2006 | Well, well...so now I'm branching out into reading Science Fiction! I like the chemistry between Tiala and Tyrek, which is familiar and well described using the "show don't tell" method that I know you're so familiar with!
Love the "subtlety was definitely on his "to-do" list"...
The only "criticism" I've got is that it would have been nice to have had a fuller physical description of Tiala at the beginning which would have helped visualise her as the story went on. Also I think the middle section could have been broken up into a few paragraphs for ease of reading. Just my opinion.
Will look out for more!  |
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