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Poetry


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May Wedding

By alastair79

18 May 2006

I am not a poet and this is the first I have ever written. I wrote it after my brother got married on Saturday in Wales on the beautiful cost line. What do you think, any good or just nonsense?

Regards.

Alastair.

Champagnes sparkle lifts the soul
A few begin to sway
But our lives are full
Upon this eve in May

None too tired to smile
Surf swells in the bay
Moments not soon forgotten
Upon this eve in May

Night sky gripped with fireworks
A colour-clashing array
Ooo’s and Arr’s aplenty
Upon this eve in May

Life now depends on dancing
And the groom leads the way
Jacket and tie long gone
Upon this eve in May

Moon struck pale features
Dying embers of the day
The blushing bride departing
Upon this eve in May

But now the long day is over
And we leave with much delay
Happy to have been here
Upon this eve in May

Reviews

May wedding
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 18th May 2006

I really loved your poem. The title was eye catching and you had a good rhyme and rhythm - except it went wrong in one place: 3rd line, first verse: too short. You could change it to:

But our lives are VERY full

or: But our lives are oh so full

Other than that, it was really lovely.

Thanks...
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 19th May 2006

Thanks Josie, must admit that I enjoyed writing this but an in no hurry to try again.

Think I'll leave poetry to the poets :grin

Excellent poem
Written by Christoph38 (4 comments posted) 19th May 2006

Hi as a first outing would say this is dam good, I dsiagree with Josie's comments te line the way it is alllows the natural rhtymn of the poem to flow, if you chang it you'll add an extra beat!

Hi A79
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 19th May 2006

As the number of beats in each line varies between 5-7 I shouldn't worry too much about length of line.

It captures the day in the way that an impressionist painting captures it's subject, by light touches and sugestion,

An enjoyable read that reminded me of my middle sons wedding.

By the way thanks for you reviews and comments,

Brian.

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 3rd June 2006

i really enjoyed this poem you 'captured the moment'. I especially liked the first line. Agree with Chris for a first go it was excellent.

with posts like this surely you'll be back again?!

best wishes

brook

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