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Non-Fiction
The naked madman of Dondingalong
By patterjack
19 May 2006
An experience i woudl rather not repeat . Perhaps if others thought it comic , I might have placed it in that section And yes , the place Dondinglong does exist

The temperature is generally warm and the humidity high where we had our bush block . It was however a lovely place with the native bush harbouring innumerable birds and of course the native fauna was rife -- kangaroos , wallabies , and others of the wonderful Oz creatures Unfortunately the scourge of the coastal Australian bush -- the lantana vine -- was also rife Therefore , armed with mattock and brushcutter I thought it time to remove some of it . Unless it is very old and very large , a single lantana bush is not always that hard to remove , as one can simply break the surface roots on one side , bend the bush in the opposite direction and heave mightily . There are those who advocate bulldozing by a machine with a ripper , but these methods do not remove the sum total of the roots , and if a single root is missed , the lantana takes it as a permission for even more luxuriant growth. Besides , it is great exercise ! Good hard wearing farm clothing is a necessity , including boots and gloves . This presents an immediate problem in the heat and humidity , of course . Nevertheless , I decided to try my hand at the south eastern corner of the block , next to a neighbour's fence and at right angles to the ridge road that passed the property . By the time I had removed several bushes I was a very sweaty labourer , and the luxuriant beard that I was then sporting had begun to send rivulets of sweat down my chest . I had by now developed what seemed to be a good technique . First I would back in towards the main stem , pushing aside the long thin branches that immediately folded back around me , then , leaning back towards the trunk , I would strike at the roots , including the taproots , and push the bush to an angle , work my way out again and then heave in the direction away from the chop. Very successful , until dealing with one large bush I went through the process as far as the first blow . It was then that I began to feel a burning sensation on any exposed flesh , a burning that began to develop under the layers of clothing. I had disturbed a tree full of fire ants . Not being too careful about saving the clothing I thrashed my way out through the hindering branches -- slapping wildly at the swarming ants . Not good enough ! They were by now all the way in through the clothing and next to the skin-- so it was strip or be eaten I have often wondered what those few residents of Dondingalong in their passing cars thought of the naked , bearded , dancing madman at the edge of the bush .

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3449 comments posted) 24th May 2006
I've heard that there are more poisonous creatures in OZ than any other country and that doen't include Germaine Greer. I'm sure you survided it, you Aussies are a tough breed. 
Nice mental image though

Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 1st June 2006
OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I can't believe that happened!!! Now that I've stopped laughing, I have to say that retired life must be fun!!!! :grin I'm still laughing...I'm sorry! Um, why were you dancing?? Or were you refering to the act of getting the ants off and looking like you were dancing? Or did you just decide to dance?? I'm still laughing!! *ahem* Good writing - I enjoyed it. :)

Written by coosh (888 comments posted) 17th October 2006
Great little story. Reminds me of a mate at school who used to make incendiary devices (personal consumption only) and set fire to himself trying to blow up his neighbour's pampas grass (which apparently has similar root-like characteristics to those of your lantana).  
 
Really enjoyed it.
I've heard about those fire ants!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 12th November 2006
Apparently some people have perished!  
 
I picture a "Ben Gunn" from Treasure Island, dancing a maniacal highland fling, a comic image indeed!!! 
 
I've started on my Dongdingalong odyssey!! 
 
Thanks for the laugh Brian! 
 
Oli

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 31st January 2007
:grin  
 
is all I have to say on the matter. The mental image however, will likely remail with me for a while lol 
 
elli 
 
:grin  
:grin  
:grin

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