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Poetry


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When somebody is going

By Nance

20 May 2006

When somebody is going to whisper my name,
I can barely hear this sound.
At this moment I’m trying to listen to you,
You may call me somewhere around.
When somebody is going to speak to my heart,
I can stand but I reach to another.
As my changeable heart is so used to your talk
That it cannot accept any other.
And refusing somebody’s suggestions about,
I can sense as my spring is emerging.
And my soul does exist among plenty of love –
Irrepressible, willing, but virgin.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 20th May 2006

A very nice sentiment and very clearly expressed. It made me feel optomistic as well as thoughtful which I suppose was it's purpose.
P.S I'm glad you like the tourist jokes and realised it was all harmless fun.
cheers
BBS

Hi Nance
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 20th May 2006

I didn't understand,

"And refusing somebody’s suggestions about"

I found the word "Harken" jarred

The an other/any other rhyme involves words that sound too similar.

However this is all nit-picky, but I felt that if this was given a little polishing, a cjhallenging read could become a very good poem.

Brian

Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 20th May 2006

Thank you both.

Bottleblondesurfer - I had certain doubts as concerning this piece of work, and I needed a comment. So you must understand, how much your word is significant here.

BrianRobertNeal - thank you for attention here, you see, I think no poem is ideal and perfect at once, any one needs polishing, and it's really good when someone finds time and points out at the moments better to make alterations to. I often think of my poem (any) then, and I strive to improve these points.

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