She calls me from those dark recesses in the corners of my mind. The memory of her shining eyes and radion smile burrows from my psyche, in harrowing waves, those pulsing gluttonous tapeworms gorging on the remains of my sanity.

Her image replays itself repeatedly, over and over, day in, day out behind my sulphurous, burning white hot eyes, dancing like some sort of sadistic harlequin of guilt.
But now my DNA salivates at the thought of her up and coming, miraculous re-emergence, her holy rebirth.

We’re melding, moulding together, in a myriad of an eternal substance made of our spirit. Our mutated union is spiralling ever outwards and onwards towards the ether, like a celestial broadcast insinuating itself to the heavens:”We are one, we are one”

I sit facing her in a simple chair and I watch the play shadows cast over her handsome profile. She squirms in her excitement at the prospect of our joint future. Her tight clothes accentuate the lines and curves, which I would ski down, were I small enough.

I tentatively reach out my hand and touch the taught, creamy smooth skin of her neck; this stirs me and sends thunderous electricity across my already arching, throbbing passion. Her drawing away is coquettish, like a skittish young colt far from mother.

This is how it was meant to be. US, Me, Her, I.

Oddly nervous, in my eager anticipation, I followed her and rescued her tonight. I ‘dived in’ and rescued her like Fairbanks Jnr, Van Damne and Bruce Wayne all rolled into one. I whisked her away from that (for I would not deign to call ‘it’ a ‘him’) which is not worthy of my love, for she is truly heaven’s favourite star.

I had crept unseen in my stealth towards the open topped tan Audi. They were parked in a secluded location and I surprised them. I leapt in with the light of love in my heart and the weight of righteous fury in my hand. I recall the look of the lackeys face and the lack of face as I looked in after having caved it in with my lump hammer.

True my envy had led me to these actions, I had seen him smile at my lover before but it was never as wide as when I unhinged his jaw with the second furious downward blow.
For a moment I pondered an unaccustomed pang of confusion, whilst having to forcibly restrain her. In truth my love is a fair and timid creature and I ask you, what true woman could not help but become hysterical whilst the grey matter flows like dripping tripe to the floor, settling in grey, gelatinous, globules of gooey clumps?

I’d perceived them together and planned our reunion from that moment. Of course she hasn’t CONSCIOUSLY recognised me yet, but subconsciously she’s conveyed her recognition to me in the feigned rebukes and play put-downs she’s delivered unto me, when I initially aired my amour.

I knew she needed me and so therefore, I acted the musketeer this evening hence. The car sits, parked outside, with the hood up, vacant but for the stains on the windows, floor and dashboard,
mere echoes of a violent rescue performed in the name of love. Well, that and the body in the boot.

The sight of her floating up my stairway in a utopian like trance, almost walking comatose filled me with warm flushes. It seems the surprise of my unexpected presence has disorientated my disturbed Isis somewhat. She airs displeasure, but for what I cannot understand. I will discuss it with her seriously, when her reason and composure returns.

It seems my patient terms of endearment and soft loving words are truly a powerful influence, for she appears to be coming out of it a bit now, as her tears of shock are starting to dry and the sobbing has stopped. She is trying to speak so I remove the gag and go to gently kiss her eyelids, but I have clearly presumed upon her too much and she flinches away.
I think of myself as a stable man, capable of coping with rather a lot, but her insults start to cut quite deeply and my eyes start to well with painful, acidic tears. I ask her to show a glimmer of appreciation for my efforts, but as the hours tick by and despite my patient explanations and gentle efforts she calls me mad and asks me why I call her a ‘her’
I tell my Alicia who she really is and how I came to recognise her. She starts to whimper quietly as I see the light of realisation dawn in her eyes, but still she starts to argue again.

“My name’s…”
I interrupt.

“Look, I know you have a man’s body at the moment” I say, “but it’s God’s way of hiding you for me, I can see you, the real you. It’s weird I know, but it’s like your true form is laid over this your temporary shell” I gesture to her body.

“No, I am a man!” She continues, “My name’s Alex and I’m a gay man!”
I shake my head nonplussed, by this admission and explain:

“I care nothing for what you think you’ve been doing recently. I love you, you are my Alicia returned to me by God after your overdose. Did you think I wouldn’t recognise you?”

“What are you on!?!” She screams

“Nothing” I reply “I’ve stopped the drugs and found faith, I knew if I was pure enough and prayed long and hard enough, that He would return you to me”

“No, It’s not true” She starts to scream again and I consider replacing the gag, but her voice has started to crack and grow hoarse. I feel compassion, but steel myself knowing that soon, she will realise the truth and everything will be alright again.

Softly shaking her head, bottom lip trembling, eyes darting in apparent terror, she tremulously speaks “My name’s Alex Sable and I work in a gay strip bar in town”

“No, Alicia, don’t you see?” I point out that: “This is just His way of hinting to you, subtly telling you who you were and will be again”

“Why did you kill Steve?” She whispers.

“Fate” I reply “He was in the way of you truly becoming you. Bear in mind that he was preventing Gods true wishes” I say.

Numbed, she sits staring into space. Still as a shattered vase and weak as cracked porcelain, I can barely see her chest rise and fall. I place my hand over hers and her head lolls to the side to meet my eyes. I brush the hair that only I can see out of her eyes and stroke the petal of her ear.

“Please, do what you want” she exhales steadily, “but I am not your Alicia”

“I can’t do what I want” I state, “For I am not gay”

“There’s only one real way for us to be together” I say as I move behind the settee.

Due to her constraints Alicia cannot see me as I open the valves on the gas canisters that I placed there this morning. Upon entering earlier this evening after restraining Alicia I had already turned the hob and oven on without using the ignition. I now open the flat’s kitchen door.

I walk and sit opposite my darling girl and I sit watching her adoringly.

“Soon, my sweet” I reassure.

I see her nostrils inhale and simultaneously, I perceive the knowledge of what is about to happen strike her mind like a slab and a tangibly painful acrid stench of anguish fills the air.
Not coming to terms with mortality as I would prefer, she starts screaming, ironically enough like a woman. I smile serenely and unsuccessfully, attempt to shush her and allay this vessel’s fears.

Maybe, it is the nearness of it all but Alicia’s image appears clearer now and appears to radiate an angelic smile. Tears of joy sting my eyes as my voice cracks as I hug her struggling form.
In an effort to ease the body’s passing, I steel my self against the disgust and kiss her current body fully on the lips.

“Soon, my love, we can truly unite in a joy we tasted, so briefly before”

“Help me” The form groans.

“I am, my love” I whisper.

As the fumes from the gas take affect I appear to float on a endless oceanic haze of euphoria. The body’s screams seem so far away now and Alicia’s voice seems to insinuate itself over them. The sound croons, gently rocking me higher than a seraph surfing seas of helium. Sirens start to resound in the back ground, but they do not concern us.

I flick the lighter.

Eternity awaits us.