This is dedicated to all of those assiduous reviewers, especiall BRN and BBS, who keep this wonderful site buzzing with their energy. Sadly pressure of work means I can only dip in occasionally for fifteen minutes of fame and fun. But I want to support Siddie's Competition though I fear I shall be disqualified on account of my genius. So I have posted this from my alter ego Mr Donal O'Doggerel since I note also that pseudonyms are fasionable and anonymity may preserve me from the malevolent. I shall expect nothing less than The Nobel Prize for this. For now however, time's astride a bolting stallion, and I must away.
If there is one thing that gets right up my nose, both nostrils you understand, it's two things.
Firstly, would you believe the brass neck of those garrulous gobshytes who prowl about this site blethering tall talk to the moon, hiding behind insignia, but who never spare the time to give anyone else the Christian courtesy of a review for their efforts. And without naming names I am thinking here of BO; BT and The BBC!
Secondly, If everyone was as generous, perspicacious, temperate and XXXXXXX[ CHOOSE A NICE WORD SOMEBODY ] as I am, the world would be a whole lot better place.
Thirdly, I think we would improve this Great Spider's Website no end of the road to nowhere, were we all to find some poor neglected garsun who had posted his or her life's work, only to be rewarded with the witless whimper of thundering silence, and give them one.......[A Review, that is ]. Like the Saint I surely am, I shall endevour to do this for the future.
Fifthly, I cannot recall what this was. But it was a very valid point, nonetheless.
And Fourthly and finally, I have counted the words expended by other entrants to this competition and they are all over sixty nine! Which leads me to conclude that if more people had had the benefit of an Irish State Education from the holy Christian Brothers, who, long before National Numeracy Strategies were thought of had perfected the teaching of Arithmetic by means of repeated blows to the head, you would all of you untutored shytehawks understand the principals of Mathematics as well as I do and not go cheating and thinking you can get away with it!!
Slainte! And Farewell. And till we meet and talk again, My very warm and fond compliments to all of you people from The World Over The Water.
Professor Sir Donal O' Doggerel, Bart. [ Buerk ], Barking. .......Burph!
PS Ah... Yes. I've just remembered what the fifth one was. We all do our own reviews!! Einstein or what!!? Though I seem to recall I tried that one on a while back in my T.S. Eliott masterpiece and it aroused something other than rapture.
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Ever since the Fatwah
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
was issued against you, your writing has moved in strange directions.
"XXXXXXX[ CHOOSE A NICE WORD SOMEBODY ] "
How about Irish? That's a nice word.
"My very warm and fond compliments to all of you people from The World Over The Water."
That must be us in Bishops Stortford, cos you're on the eastern side of that mighty river, the River Stort.
Thanks for thinking of me,
Brian
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Like the Cheshire Cat...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Thank you Brian. I shall return the favour next time I am around. Like Dear Old Givitsum, I fear I may be now passing into the history books as a regular poster of work. Still nice to see so many others. And I hope to keep popping up for a review and a spot of fun from time to time.
Slainte! |
Too kind
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3172 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Very kind of you Mr O Doggerel, I had no idea that was what I was doing. So your education was with the Christian Brothers I heard they had a very hands on approach. I was taught by nuns and I'm sure the Sisters of Eternal Flagellation could give them a run for their money in the gratuitous violence stakes. I'm sure there is a sketch there,gerard .Who was it who said "A happy childhood is the worse thing for a writer"
And what makes you think Givitsum has gone, only the names change
cheers
Mrs B |
A small epiphany..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Thank Mrs B.
Actually I have used a little poetic licence. My alter ego Donal was brought up by The Christian Brothers amongst whom he experienced little Christianity and still less Brotherhood. I was schooled by the Jesuits, at Clongowes Wood in Ireland and thereafter at Stonyhurst, over here near Blackburn. The Society were a strange amalgam of Clericalism and genuine liberal- mindedness. For humour it is safer to resort to stereotypes.
Slainte! |
The life and times of...
Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Nice to see you venting your good old Irish spleen Gerard. I hope you can still find time in your busy literary schedule to pop on here for some very welcome banter.
ps. By the looks of your upbringing there must be a book in there somewhere...
happy writing...
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A message from Sin City...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Woody! I thought of you this morning when I heard that Nottingham was the UK's number one crime hotspot. Tut tut Woody! Time to get shut of those greenhouses full of the dodgy looking plants. Not to mention the printing press in the garage! And those girls you run from your front room. And oh yes! Have you really got licences for all those old shotguns? My feeling is Liverpool City Council will soon be on your back for usurping their reputation.
I'm not going completely away. News of my death has been greatly exaggerated. Just I've got my hands full so I can only post five minute bits of fun.
Thanks! |
slander sir!
Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 23rd May 2006 |
Good Lord Gerard, you make me sound like a one-man crime wave! Well let me tell you that just isn`t true. For a start there are my brothers` Alfonso and Guiseppi who run the `hook a duck` racket, my sister Maria, who is in charge of the bubble-gum machine scam, and finally Papa who looks after the `rent a horses head` business.
On a more serious note, All this talk of Nuns and Jesuits reminds me of my late father-in-law, who, all the years I knew him harboured a deep-seated resentment of the way he was treated in a Catholic school run by Nuns. He became a lapsed Catholic later in his life but on his death bed he was absolutely petrified because of what he perceived was about to happen to him. The only way my wife and brother-in-law could ease his burden was to summon a very good friend, an Anglican Priest, at three-thirty in the morning. The sight of the clerical robes calmed him down completely.. I make no judgements here, I am just stating what happened to one man whom I knew for a good many years..
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Humour from a Bus Queue.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th May 2006 |
There's definately a sketch in the top paragraph, Woody. And who better than you.....I think the reason why I always enjoy reading your postings is that you always make me smile at human foibles and frailties rather than frantic excesses. I think it's what William Trevor once called 'Humour from a bus queue'.
Equally the second is fascinating. I think that one is a short story. Truth is always stranger than fiction. Unless you come from Ireland, of course, where there is no difference. Well, there is. Its just that we Irish have a spot of bother sorting it out . Mind you it makes for interesting reading, though I say it myself.
Slainte! |
up and at `em...
Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 25th May 2006 |
Thanks for the comments Gerard, I must admit I hadn`t thought about the second para being the basis for a short story - so thanks for that! As for the first piece being the basis for a sketch you are quite right of course, my only problem is sustaining the humour throughout! I would love to do a piece that is absolutely peppered with wit but of course that isn`t easy. God don`t I sound bloody negative. Up and at `em Woody!..
PS liked the analogy about the bus queue. No more than I would have expected from Mr Trevor...
happy writing... |
You're fine..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th May 2006 |
Thanks Woody.
I think your humour is fine as it is. And as the first line of the BT Engineer's Manual says: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Slainte! |
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