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Comedy
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| The Shooting Gallery | |
| By Leo | ||||||||||||||||
| 23 May 2006 | ||||||||||||||||
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This one occurred to me as i negotiated the traffic home on my new moped... watch out for a fatboy with 'L' plates.. and give him a wide berth In a drug clinic, somewhere in Europe…The ‘patients’ were laying all over the room, with syringes hanging out of various arms like a sea of flaccid penises, general contentment prevailed… In the office…Tony ran his nostril along a huge line of coke. Like some great industrial hoover, he managed to remove the varnish from the desk top as well. He stood up and punched the air. “Hoo hah!”. . Dave ignored him. He sat cross legged on the floor, watching the wispy trail of smoke as it floated lazily toward the ceiling. His eyes crossed as his mouth opened wider. “This is seeeeeriously good shit…” Tony was now crouching low, with a rolled up porn magazine to his hip. “Say hello to my liddle friend!” Dave just started giggling and couldn’t stop. “You disrespect me… I stick your head up your ass, faster than a rabbit fucks!” Dave just curled up like baby, and the tears streamed from his eyes. Tony turned his attention to the old man standing on the desk. “You want some old man?… you want me to fuck-you-up?” He didn’t bat an eyelid either, as he stood there all skin and bones. There was one other thing that set him apart; the fact he was standing there in only his ‘Y’ fronts, with his waistband sitting snugly just below his nipples. They were that dirty grey colour that comes with a thousand washes, with little tiny bobbles on the groin and a threadbare gusset that that threatened to give way momentarily. He stood aloft, with his arms outstretched to the sides. “I will give my life on earth, so that all of mankind might be saved,” he pronounced, dropping his arms only to point to the biro stigmata on his palms. Acid seriously fucked you up. Tony pulled the trigger, as Dave pissed his pants… The next morning…The three figures walked down the front steps of the clinic. David finished knotting his tie in a half Windsor as Tony buttoned his suit jacket. “Any chance your lot will give the thumbs up to any of these clinics in the UK?” “Not in a million years. Not why I remain the biggest, baddest, motherfucker in the valley… er.. I meant in prime minister…” “Its just.. I’m having serious problems running so many European ‘facts finds’ through my parliamentary expenses….” “Not now.. not ever…, or was it, ‘tough on drugs, tough on the causes of drugs’ mmm.. or was it ‘drugs; education, education, education’… I can’t remember… bollocks!” “What do you reckon Ming?” “I just wanna save the world…the people.. the cutesy wootsy liddle animals.. the trees…” The other two exchanged a glance; one rolling his eyes, the other shaking his head. It was a job to tell these days, where the acid damage stopped and the dementia started. Sad. “Munchies then?” “yeh.. why not.. the limo won’t be here for an hour…” “Ming, if you’re coming with us, you better put some trousers on..”
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