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Poetry


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Subspecies

By alastair79

25 May 2006

Not great, some of it doesn't work, but I'm trying and thats got to count for something

Alastair.

We have become Gods, or a subspecies thereof

Moving through life, like pigs at a trough

Braking the back, of this world of ours

Living up high, in ivory towers

With concrete we come, to pave over the earth

Lest we forget, who was here first

Turn a blind eye, to all of the poor

Get a new I-pod, from the local store

Now in the autumn, of this human race

We have come to realise, all far too late

That this is our land, our blue green home

And we are burning it, like our own Rome

Reviews

Hi Al79
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 25th May 2006

The real problem is that the Earth has it's own agenda remember there was once just a single continent and then it split and drifted apart. Ice ages came and went without our intervention, there are far bigger forces in play than ours.

A thought provoking read

Nit picking time "Braking" should this be "Breaking?"

Brian.

worked for me!
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 25th May 2006

you got me from 'we have become gods', ...
'like pigs at a trough' struck a chord and 'burning it like our own Rome' was an image that worked really well for me.

Me too!
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th May 2006

I like the idea of God as a species, perhaps David Attenborough could study him.
It was my sort of poem, it rhymed, scanned well and I could understand what it meant.
I prefer poems with a structure, as an old poet once said "writing blank verse is like playing tennis with the net down"
One personal criticism, a reliance on cliched phrases
like pigs at a trough-Turn a blind eye,-in ivory towers, maybe find your own way to say it. Feel free to ignore, just a pet hate of mine.
BBS

Thank you.
Written by alastair79 (47 comments posted) 26th May 2006

Thanks for the comments lady and gents. I like this poetry thing more and more, think I might have to do a little reading of the classics, as I really know nothing about any of it, to be honest.

Regards.
Alastair.

Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 26th May 2006

I also thought this was an excellent poem. It progressed well, had a meaning to it & made you think.
Glad you enjoyed writing it, and dont forget it is just as useful and inspiring to read contemporary poetry - and there is lots of that on this site!!

Written by Tigermoons (5 comments posted) 26th May 2006

I liked it a lot. But maybe on some of the lines, like 'in ivory towers' and such could be said a different way because it is commonly used phrases that are heard a lot. But I thought the meaning was very good and the first line was great. Keep up the great work, hope to read more

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