READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1823 guests online and 7 members online
Comedy
Dear diary
By sasquatch
26 May 2006
My mother once told me that i should do unto others as they do unto me. She then belted me one across the face with her handbag and stuck a fork in my eye.

23/01/2005
Dear diary
last night i dreamt of the dark one again. His shadow was vast and moved across the sky like a great bird, the clouds themselves boiling like the turbulent sea beneath. Wherever i went he could see me, there was nowhere to hide. His gaze omitted a malice that was as a red hot blade beneath my skin and as the heavans roared he spoke words to me of such blackness that i feared for my very soul.

That was bad enough, but awakening to discover i had slept on last nights shish kebab with chilli sauce, and had massaged the entire mess into my new linen sheets, was much worse.

14/02/2005
Dear diary
there is a pain inside me, deep within my being. I can feel it burning in my heart, in my very essence. It engulfs me as it ellipses all that was once scared in my life. In my daytime i sleepwalk through the gloaming, and at night..at night i venture into the very bowels of hell itself, where the foul denizens of the pit make sport of my fragile soul. What is to become of me i do not know, but i fear that all hope is now lost.

This would be bad enough on its own but to then discover my cat, Mr Wilkinson, had done his business in my new Gucci loafers was almost too much to bear.

27/02/2005
Dear diary,
The voices are with me again. They were once confined to nocturnal hours only but of late they have increased their assault, and now penetrate my daylight. I cannot hide from them, they are with me always. They know everything about me, they know my secrets, my dark places, my weakness. They know how to hurt me, and hurt me they do. Relentless is their torment, and the vicious instruction they put upon me is becoming too much to bear. I fear soon i may succumb to their relentless request, i fear i may carry out the actions that they demand.

And if all that wasn't bad enough, getting home from work to discover I'd had bird shirt on my back for what must have been most of the afternoon, was the icing on the frickin cake.

Reviews
days like these..
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 26th May 2006
i'm glad i'm not the only one who has 'em! 
 
:grin

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 26th May 2006
About time, sweetie,where the hell have you been hiding. 
Nothing like a bit of bird shit,or cat crap to put all that existential angst into perspective. 
Great stuff made me laugh out loud. 
cheers  
BBS
P.S
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 26th May 2006
I meant to say that I'm glad your mother's treatment of you at that impressionable age has had no detrimental affect and you are so well adjusted and sensible, apart from the voices, the relentless torment and fragile soul but doesn't everyone have that ,I know I do.

Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 26th May 2006
howdy bottleblonde dudess, and thanks, always a pleasure to hear from your goodself. 
Ive been up to various forms of time consuming endeavour for a while now. 
 
Bit quiet round these parts since the late great givitsum departed these shores eh! 
 
The cat crap in the shoes is based on real events. Im still trying to work out my mothers degree of influence.
Welcome back Sas...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th May 2006
I enjoyed this. I do like writing that amounts to conversational mayhem and a diary is an ideal vehicle for it. I particularly empathised with your experience vis a vis the cat as I have been conducting a guerilla war for the last near eleven years to try to get the enormous two stone overweight bone idle freeloading fur bag that does nothing all day but fart and stuff its face at my expense to leave home. We've a garden that literally backs onto the entire open fields of Suffolk and in eleven years not a single bird or mouse!!! I blame Socialism. The thing doesn't need to work...I mustn't go on. It's getting to me. I need to see someone...  
 
Nice piece. Got me thinking. Again, well done. 
 
Slainte! 
 
Hi SQ
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th May 2006
What a good fun way, 
to start a Saturday, 
it filled my need, 
For a funfilled read. 
 
(Eat your heart out Tennyson,) 
 
Brian 
 

Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 27th May 2006
Many thanks Gerard and Brian. 
 
Gerard it sounds as if you too have 'cat issues'. The lack of mice and birds could be taken as a direct slur, unless the pompous scoundral has decided on a role reversal and has been waiting for you to present them to him? 
Wouldnt suprise me. They are half sublime grace, and half poncing furballs.  
 
Thanks for the Tennyson nudge, fortunatley any likeness does not extend as far as my facial hair. Has given me an idea for development though. 
 
Cheers, 
 
Sasquatch.
Sorry
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 8th August 2006
Sorry mate, I don't know how I missed this but you've done a fantastic job!  
 
Most excellent, wish I'd thought of it myself. 
 
One of your best yet. 
 
Cheers 
 
Givitsum!

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item