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Comedy
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| Dear diary | |
| By sasquatch | ||||||||||||||||||
| 26 May 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||
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My mother once told me that i should do unto others as they do unto me. She then belted me one across the face with her handbag and stuck a fork in my eye. 23/01/2005 Dear diary last night i dreamt of the dark one again. His shadow was vast and moved across the sky like a great bird, the clouds themselves boiling like the turbulent sea beneath. Wherever i went he could see me, there was nowhere to hide. His gaze omitted a malice that was as a red hot blade beneath my skin and as the heavans roared he spoke words to me of such blackness that i feared for my very soul. That was bad enough, but awakening to discover i had slept on last nights shish kebab with chilli sauce, and had massaged the entire mess into my new linen sheets, was much worse. 14/02/2005 Dear diary there is a pain inside me, deep within my being. I can feel it burning in my heart, in my very essence. It engulfs me as it ellipses all that was once scared in my life. In my daytime i sleepwalk through the gloaming, and at night..at night i venture into the very bowels of hell itself, where the foul denizens of the pit make sport of my fragile soul. What is to become of me i do not know, but i fear that all hope is now lost. This would be bad enough on its own but to then discover my cat, Mr Wilkinson, had done his business in my new Gucci loafers was almost too much to bear. 27/02/2005 Dear diary, The voices are with me again. They were once confined to nocturnal hours only but of late they have increased their assault, and now penetrate my daylight. I cannot hide from them, they are with me always. They know everything about me, they know my secrets, my dark places, my weakness. They know how to hurt me, and hurt me they do. Relentless is their torment, and the vicious instruction they put upon me is becoming too much to bear. I fear soon i may succumb to their relentless request, i fear i may carry out the actions that they demand. And if all that wasn't bad enough, getting home from work to discover I'd had bird shirt on my back for what must have been most of the afternoon, was the icing on the frickin cake.
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