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Poetry
Here I am
By aryemar
27 May 2006
Time has passed and I'm still the same
Nothing accomplished, nothing gained
Accepted to study, dropped out of that
The ability to travel, forget that crap

Whats wrong with me, I'm stuck in a rut
You think it would get better, guess not
wherever you go, there you are
nothing has changed, nothing so far

It seems like all the bad is dealt my way
what the hell, what can I say
they are wrong, not cause of me
how can this be happening, you see

To think that moving far away
would make things better, make me gay
your sorrows follow you near or far
where ever you go, there you are!






Reviews
Hi Aryemar
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th May 2006
I'm sorry to say that only the most self-satisified will disagree with your Poem. It's true for most of us, it's not just you. 
 
The poem makes an enjoyable read but some Writer's Group Style "nit picking" 
 
Rhyme, Verse one doesn't 
 
Could "unchanged" replace "still the same." 
 
Verse 2-Rut and Not. Rot would do: "I seem just to rot" 
 
Verse 4- the word gay is value laden how about "fey" 
 
You've used are/far twice and it jars.( No ideas) 
 
Welcome to GW, 
 
I meant well, I'll get me coat, 
 
Brian
Don't look inwards all your life
Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 27th May 2006
I don't know you, what disadvantages you have in life? Are you disabled in some way? I hope not. If you are fit and well, something is going your way. Write down exactly what you want to do with your life and do it step by step. And don't spend your life looking inwards. I know many people who are seriously disabled who have made a very successful life for themselves because they have looked outwards to doing things for other people. If you concentrate on this, you will be surprised how your life can change. I'm not giving advice because I necessarily do this, just that I know that I should be doing it myself, and then I too would feel better about the things which are getting me down. So perhaps we both should look outwards more. Looking inwards always pulls me down and it's obvious that it's the same for you.

Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 28th May 2006
I thought you poem was very powerful, and as BRN says most of us have days when we feel like this and you have successfully converted it into words. 
 
There were a few lines that sounded slightly akward 
 
they are wrong, not cause of me 
 
how can this be happening, you see 
 
but it has great potential 
 
Brook

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