Faces light up
When they find out
I come from New Zealand.
What's it like? they ask.
Is it sunny all year?
Do you go to the beach
Every day,
Like on "Neighbours"
Or "Home and Away"?

I say
those shows
are set
in
Australia.

They don't care.

How's Gandalf?
They ask.
And Aslan, King Kong
- does he get in the way
of the traffic?
(this is
the point
where I
should laugh)
And what is it like
Surfing all day
And coming back home
to the shire?

I say,
No, it's not always sunny.
In fact, it rains quite a lot.
There's a few problems with the economy
- Aslan's been sold to Japan, he's long gone.
King Kong left because of pollution
And there's racial dilemmas galore
The shire has been bulldozed over
To make way for a new shopping mall.

But,
yes.
The beaches
are
quite
nice.