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Comedy
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| Robin Hood, updating the myth | |
| By Bottleblondesurfer | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 30 May 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||
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Living in Nottingham you cannot escape the Robin Hood myth. It was a very male orientated world and I wondered if it could have been improved with a stronger female influence ROBIN-Right; now My Merry Men. I’ve been talking to Marion about a few things. (low grumbling from the men they know this is bad news) We’ve decided it is time to improve morale, obviously being outlaws and living the fugitive life we are limited as to what we can do. LITTLE JOHN- So I suppose a night out at the local whorehouse is out of the question? ROBIN- Realisically yes.so we’ve come up with a few ideas to improve our lifestyle. WILL SCARLET-I didn’t know we had a lifestyle. ROBIN-It’s amazing how a few minor improvements can benefit our immediate living environment. ALAN 0 DALE-What’s that? FRIAR TUCK-I think he means the forest. ROBIN-Yes, we thought we could brighten it up with some different colours. L.J-What’s wrong with green? I like green. ROBIN-But with a bit of effort it could be much brighter. WILL- Why can’t we do what we always do.,Sit around and wait for spring? L.J -I don’t like the sound of this, it sounds like the time you got us to do that Feng Shui bollocks ROBIN-You never gave that a fair chance. ALAN-I remember you made us take down half the stockade cos it blocked the flow of the Chi. L.J.-The thing is, it was also blocking the flow of the Sherrifs’ men, they came and gave us a right twatting when they found out. ROBIN- Well perhaps that could have been better thought out. L.J.- So this is another poxy idea? ROBIN-This is different I’m saying we need to re-brand our image. (they all look at him with incomprehension) We need to change things. WILL- Well I always hated our name- the Merry Men ALAN- Yeah- sounds a bit poncy, way too cheery. ROBIN- Good,Good, any suggestions? ALAN- Ummm... How about the Mildly Amused Men instead? L.J.- How about… the Really pissed off Men. ROBIN- Come on, be serious Little John. L.J.- It’s boring, there are no perks to this job. ALAN-Yeah look at King Johns’ side, the food’s better and you get mileage allowance for the horse. WILL-And you get those big butch hats with the metal bit over the nose. ROBIN-Oh come now, my Merry men.. (they stare at him)...My Mildly amused men, just hear me out. Marion says what we need to do is re-evaluate our mission statement. L.J.- Snotty Norman cow. What’s that mean in Saxon? ROBIN- It’s what we do, we take from the rich and give to the poor, right? ALAN-Now that is something we could change. ROBIN-But how? We’ve been doing it for years . L.J.- Yes exactly, and what happens if you keep giving people money? ROBIN-Errrmmmm FRIAR TUCK-Come on, Robin it’s not siege-engine science. ROBIN-I suppose they stop being poor. L.J.- Give the man a groat. In fact the only poor round here are us, now ROBIN-OK, so what you are suggesting is that we now take from the rich and.. L.J.- Keep it. WILL-I like that. ALAN-Sounds good to me. FRIAR TUCK-Brilliant, it’s what the church has been doing for years. L.J.-Great so that’s settled, I think this calls for a drink. ROBIN- No wait you haven’t heard our new idea for team-building. (he’s shouting to a lot of disappearing backs) NO, you’ll like this. We run round the forest shooting arrows with bladders of pigs blood at each other. L.J.- You can stuff that ALAN- The pub sounds more fun. It’s informant’s night too. Come on lads. Last one down the pub is a blatant anachronism.
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