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Comedy
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| A Day In The Death of Trauma FM 97.3 (The Sound of parts of Somerset) | |
| By Nearlypastit | ||||||||||||||||
| 01 June 2006 | ||||||||||||||||
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This is a small snapshot of the evening show from a 'soon to be completed' spoof radio recording, we hope to release on CD in August. Oddly the toughest bits were the adverts. It isn't until you try to duplicate the sheer banality of actual radio that you get to understand how complicated they are. Which in a way makes te end result even worse because it means someone actually tried and put money into making them that inane?! Anyway, it's been a real blast to work on and the whole 60 minute adventure/mis-adventure will be avalable from 1st August. It is my intention to give 20 copies to this web site free specifically so you can say nice things to me... or not perhaps. I'll speak to Nascent on a PM about this in due course. Trauma FM Durge ballad ensues vaguely suggesting Christmas and Irishness DJ Pete: …’You keep leaving and the budgie just died’ That was Manic Dave and the Miserable Bastards, from their seasonal album of a couple of years back now, ‘Open a Wrist for Christmas’ It’s cheerful Uncle Pete Stevenbridge with you until 1am with the request show Jingle: Get through your day… With Trauma FM It’s a little before midnight and you’re with Trauma Adverts: Street sounds/atmospherics Anne: You’re walking funny Betty! Betty: Yes it’s my strings again Anne. I can’t seem to get that ‘as new softness’ with all the hard water in my wash. I’ve tried conventional conditioners but the irritation is terrible and the doctors can’t do anything. VO: Tired of chafing from lime scale build up in your underwear? Spending too much on laundry gimmicks in your washing machine? STOP! Just 15 tablets of “Bludgeon” in the rinse cycle and wear-once undies are a thing of the past. Return to scene atmospherics Anne: You’re looking more confident in your stride Betty. Betty: Oh it’s a miracle Anne. New Bludgeon has got my strings back down to their sexy, skimpy best. Anne: That’s what we like to hear. Betty: Yes, like a tight line of dental floss. If I break wind now I could probably get a note out of them! They both laugh to fade News jingle DJ Pete: Its 12.02 and over to the news desk now for a summary with Colin Parallel Universe Colin: (beat) Funny. Oh the rapier like intellectual wit of the radio DJ eh? Here is a summary of the news with Colin Hodgekiss. (sigh) Today absolutely nothing happened… At least it might have done, but we didn’t get to hear about it. I think that dog’s still missing though… And now the weather! Sound of window opening It’s raining. Next bulletin is at 1. DJ Pete: (beat) Right. Err… Adverts: Musical flourish and straight into: Vasectomy Vasecto-you Vasecto-Everyone and do the cat to! VO: Home Medication from Snippets! It’s clean, painless (sort of) and doesn’t cost you the Earth. For total peace of mind and privacy, choose Snippets! 2nd VO: Users do so at their own risk. ‘Snippets’ is not endorsed by the British Medical Association. Always read the label. End DJ Pete: What are you playing at? Colin: No one’s listening anyway. DJ Pete: You’re supposed to be a professional. Grow up! We can always get another news reader y’know?! Colin: Mic’s open… ‘Cheerful!’ DJ Pete: Hello and welcome to Trauma if you’ve just joined us. We’re into the final hour of Cheerful Uncle Pete’s requests. And we have a letter from Andy ‘S’, in Bridport who has a birthday coming up on Saturday. ‘Happy Birthday Andy’ and he writes can you please play ‘Memories/The Way We Were’ as by the time you read this letter it will all be over for me. I can’t take anymore and… It’s just the hand of fate… bloody hell! Colin, you’ve got one. Colin: Yes. It’s not signed but they’ve cut out the letters from a magazine or newspaper or similar and it says ‘Dear Cheerful Uncle Pete, please can you die bitch die. Feel the blade and know despair as you drown in your own blood. Can’t say I remember that one, can you? DJ Pete: Not immediately, no! A minor hit by ‘Sheila B and The Devotions’ or something? Colin: Very possibly. DJ Pete: You’re listening to Trauma! Trailer plays (ladies voice) ‘The Request show with Cheerful Uncle Pete Stevenage’. For winners and losers in love. DJ Pete: Absolutely! Don’t be alone with your story this evening. This show is for and about you. Whether you’re up, you’re down, how ever you’re feeling, remember, there are probably many out there listening tonight who not only understand but are maybe going through something similar. And what’s to say that your words will help them a little through the darkness and misery of their existence. So give us a call. [Music TRACK] under track: Colin: Pete, we’ve got a Gary on line 3. DJ Pete: What’s he like? Colin: Well he’s swearing a lot less than all the others, apart from that, the usual witless retard. DJ Pete: Great, I was wondering where they’d all got to tonight! Must have been a match on the Tele! Hello Gary, what’s your story? To be continued...
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