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Poetry
Sonnet
By sallyj
22 April 2005


 
In swathes of gold and scarlet, tiny tissue petalled faces
Shimmering and dancing in the mild late-summer showers,
I see the constant miracle of nature's ordered paces.
Finding dusty husk that buried deep in dry soil, cowers,
Magic tears of rain join with warm sun's tenderest rays
To coax from many years of hiding, unexpected flowers.  
A tiny drop of moisture on the kernel's hard shell plays,
Enjoins with summer warmth ‘til the seedling it empowers
To burst through the armoured coating that it once relied on
For comfort and protection throughout years of isolation.
My dark heart was that seed, then your sun upon it shone,
My defences were in place ‘til soaked by tears of passion,
This bloom that is our love, though so late in summer starting,
Is much stronger for the wait, and will last ‘til our departing.
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Reviews
Thanks, Sallyj!
Written by Bagheera (685 comments posted) 8th September 2005
I enjoyed reading this: the sentiments expressed are obviously very personal, I think the sonnet is a perfect vehicle for love poetry - but it's so d****d hard to keep to the strict rhyme & rhythm pattern of the classical sonnet, I usually give up in frustration! 
 
Just one thing: there is it possible to 'lose' perhaps 2 syllables in line 9: 
"To burst [through] the armoured coating [that[ it once relied on" ??? 
 
I felt the rhythm of this line jarred just a bit, but then it might just be me putting the stresses in the wrong places??? 
 
Thanks again foor a beautifully expressed sentiment, in a formal famework which I personally find very difficult to use!
hi sally
Written by ellipinnock (1795 comments posted) 21st October 2006
I thought this was beautiful, I felt that this was a little awkward in a couple of places but it didn't really matter because, as a whole, it works wonderfully. 
 
Great 
 
Elli

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