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Poetry
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| When You Reject Yourself | |
| By B.D. | ||||
| 02 June 2006 | ||||
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I have to say that this one took...a leap of faith and a dose of courage to write and even more to post! This poem, out of many I have written on the subject, is the best yet because the others just don't seem to say on paper what I want them to say. No worries, though - as soon as I figure out my problem, you can be sure I'll be posting more on the subject later on. my first passport says 'expired' as if that part of me ran out my new one is different, different words my new home is different my life changed and to feel comfortable I have to walk on a thin line and that's uncomfortable one part screams 'forget! let it go! it won't hurt as much!' then the other screeches 'no! that's wrong!' but hanging over both remains the fact: I'm forgetting my memories conflict the facts disagree and I want to ask 'why? why me? why now?' and the answer hangs in the air unspoken unwritten a paradox because it's for better and for worse and I want to disappear, run away, grow numb, become unaware I want to embrace both and turn both away love them separate equally and hate both the same I want to blame both and thank them too blame myself and everyone else because I'm like a puzzle piece that blends well with the big picture and though it fits, it feels misplaced and while I try to explain I just want someone to listen and possibly understand I used to be proud because I was unique! but I was accepted then I wanted to run & hide under a rock because I was rejected and how do you cope when those that reject you call themselves your friends? you put on a mask and pretend they are, pretend they didn't hurt you and you become obnoxious at times because if one ray of truth ever manages to shine through you think they might catch, not you when you fall, but your act and reject you even more so, see - you can deal with them but you know better because, try as you might you can never seem to fool yourself you avoid it but it sneaks up when darkness sets in and it does every day... so you have a challenge that you don't want to face: what do you do when you reject yourself?
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