|
By mishmish
|
|
02 June 2006 |
This is something I wrote to literally change a mindset that I was in, during a period of emotional turmoil. It worked and I've never looked back. I hope you find something in this too. In the beginning I was lonely
In the beginning I was cold
I was depressed
And I was miserable
About things that I'd been told
Then I saw a light
A shining, golden flame
And suddenly I wanted to start
All over again
But the cage of darkness
Held me tight
No light could seem through
Though through this abyss of darkness
I knew...
That one day
Hope
Would soon break through
With joy and peace of mind. |
Well done mishmish
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 2nd June 2006 | I do think thats words can set you free, i think they have to be very unique words to have that personal power
the 'cage of darkness' for me was very evocative... to be trapped in a cage would suggest that you can see out through the bars, and be aware of what is happening and what is beyond your reach....
loneliness is also a very powerful concept, without being cliche i believe it is entirely possible to be lonely in a crowd..
look forward to more... | Thanks
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 2nd June 2006 | The 'cage' bit you've got exactly, I could see what was happening but had no control to change it.
The whole process of writing for me is cathartic. Putting something on paper instantly frees it from the mind, and makes it manageable to deal with.
Thanks Leo for your comments, I'm posting more, so look out for it.
best wishes
mishmish |
Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 2nd June 2006 | Liked this poem very much. Glad it ended on a positive note! I think the rhyme and the flow of the first stanza worked the best, but i think in poems that really mean something (like this one) the rhythm of the poem isn't always important!
One suggestion instead of:
And suddenly I wanted to start
All over again
how about:
And suddenly I wanted to
start all over again
Just matter of personal opinion there really,
a good read
brook x | Good suggestion
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 2nd June 2006 | Thanks for this suggestion, and I think you are right. I'll try it again that way.
And thanks for your comments...
best wishes
mishmish |
Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 3rd June 2006 | I like this poem also. It totally cancels out the one I wrote by the same title! Funny... The only thing is that I got confused a bit with the "through/though through" I really like this one, though.  |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
