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Shorts
The Nuclear Debate
By Leo
02 June 2006
Just another sheet of cyber toilet paper....

Fission: the splitting apart of a nucleus, resulting in an enormous release of energy

 
Fusion: the (speculative) production of energy created when two nuclei are compressed to the point that they become one.

 
So it was that Geoffrey Pennington-Lewis found his testicles at the point of fusion. They were being squeezed very, very hard. The menacing creature that had them in its iron grip stared deeply into his eyes. It was the most sinister, cunning and ferocious of all creatures; the ‘party whip’.

 
Pressed hard against the flock wallpaper in the House of Commons toilet, he dared not breath. Sweat broke out on his top lip. As little as another micro-gram of pressure could easily trigger a sub-trousal nuclear event. It could get extremely painful. Not to mention, messy.

 
The whip cleared his throat. The almost imperceptible vibration of his larynx grew into a seismic shock wave by the time it had passed through the core of Geoffrey’s groin. He winced, as waves of nausea swept through his lower stomach, beating against his abdominal wall. A solitary tear ran down his cheek. He blinked, but dared not swallow.

 
“Just to clarify my understanding…” began the brute in an oily, measured way, “We can rely on your vote regarding the nuclear issue this afternoon.”

 
Geoffrey just nodded very slowly and let out an almost inaudible whimper. He felt extremely sick.

 
“I knew I could rely on you Geoffrey…” He released his vice like grip, In a slow and methodical manner he then wiped his hand on an expensive silk handkerchief, before running his fingers through his expensively coiffured hair.

 
Geoffrey breathed again. He could feel a ball of white heat expanding within his jockeys. He slid down the wall and landed in a dishevelled heap on the floor. There would be a need for lots of ice to cool the thermal reaction. And legroom to accommodate the atomic expansion. And brandy to kill the pain.

 
The nameless wretch made his way out of the toilets, sneering to himself.

 
“Democracy… it’s what makes this country great,,,,”

Reviews
never did do Physics
Written by netkwake (26 comments posted) 2nd June 2006
Hi leo, 
 
This sounds very much like your opinion of politics is similar to mine. 
 
A nice excrutiating and cynical delve into the inner workings of the political system. I enjoyed it. 
 
nk 
 
Is this big bang theory?
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 2nd June 2006
Absolutely terrific! 
 
I really enjoyed this, especially the nuclear symbology of with the poor politician's predicament, and the fact it was to get his vote on the nuclear debate. 
 
Any chance this 'faceless, nameless whip' could be brought back. It sounds like you've created an interesting character there. I think he needs a bit more of an outing than the one given here. 
 
Very well written, and loved the finish... 
 
Well done 
 
mishmish
So sad
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3327 comments posted) 3rd June 2006
 
It's so sad to see youngsters like yourself so cynical about our democratic institution. I'm sure that could never really happen. I mean you'll be accusing John Prescott of betraying his socialist roots next! Now if you dont mind I'll go back to my daily mail,there's a really good article about asylum seekers....

Written by Ludlow_Bangs (15 comments posted) 3rd June 2006
I don't usually go for these anti-government stories, it's all bit 'shooting fish in a barrel' for my tastes. That said it's well written, well paced and simple enough to make the message mean something without the dogma of heavy opinion. Nice work.
thank you
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 3rd June 2006
many thanks for taking the time out to post. 
 
in truth i'm actually politically asexual (bisexual? frigid?) ..anyway, i don't have any preference one way or the other... i don't actually make any references in the piece... so in theory you could read it either way i suppose.. 
 
I just thought the concept of testicular fusion was an eye watering one... what is it with me and testicles?... anyway, where was i? ...oh yes, thanks again and enjoy the weekend, it looks like the sun is going to shine! 
 
best regards

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 4th June 2006
It was cynical but it was humorous! Its funny that, as you said you dont make any specific references, and yet as soon as anything about government and politics come up people go crazy!! Clever way to get reviews tho! I think they would appreciate this over on the comedy section too! 
 
best wishes 
 
brook
It's all bin said.
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 5th June 2006
However, it's novel and goes down a less well trodden path. 
 
A great read, 
 
Brian.
Query
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 14th June 2006
Since when has John Prescott had expensive coiffured hair? And I think he's more likely to carry a knotted hankerchief than an expensive silk one?!? 
 
Just a thought. 
 
Well done, as usual Leo. 
 
GVTSM 

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