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By oxy
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22 April 2005 |
A thunderous storm got up one night
with pouring rain and forks of light,
gale force winds rushed through the wood,
to where the mighty oak tree stood. But the old Oak tree it stood its ground
when younger trees fell all around,
ripping branches, tearing bark,
the wind raged on into the park. The howling tempest raged and spoke
"How are you still standing mighty oak."
The tree replied, I know that you,
could break a branch of mine in two,
shake my limbs, make me sway,
carry all my leaves away.
But my roots are strong and sound,
buried deep into the ground.
blow and blow with all your might,
strike my bough with forks of light.
You'll never beat me for you see,
roots are the deepest part of me,
and I've found out, all thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew.
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analogies to be drawn from this
Written by kevinrobson73 (441 comments posted) 23rd April 2005 | | analogies to be drawn from this
Written by kevinrobson73 (441 comments posted) 23rd April 2005 | | meaning i feel it would encourage a readers resolve and work on that level too | The Mighty Oak
Written by Ladybird (32 comments posted) 11th June 2005 | Having read a number of your poems Oxy I really do enjoy your writing and this is no exception - a few suggestions though if I may be so bold.
Keeping tense right it should be ('rushed' through the wood) not rush.
But the old oak tree (put in )'it' stood it's ground
The howling tempest (substitute 'screamed' for 'raged
How are you standing (put in) 'mighty' oak.
But you can't then you can't use 'mighty' on the next line.
So perhaps
'the tree replied', I know that you
you'll never beat me for you see (put in) 'roots are the' deepest part of me
leave out the 'that' in the last line.
You can go tell me to take a running jump - I hope this is constructive - Ladybird
| Take a running jump
Written by oxy (28 comments posted) 13th June 2005 | | what I really ment to say is thanks for you help. |
Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 25th April 2006 | | I've just read this poem but I notice that it has been written a year ago. It was lovely to see that I have a fellow poet who likes rhyme and rhythm (we must be unusual). I liked the subject too. Look at my "Mother Earth's Payback Time" about the felling of the might oak. What seemed a little strange was this, which I think you could easily change if you wish: You had two rhyming lines, then another two (which, by the way you should have indented). Excellent. Verse two was excellent also. Then, for some unknown reason you changed to six lines. Third verse line 3: one word too many: "still". It would be better if you said: "Have you not fell yet, mighty oak?" (question mark). Then why not finish after "two". Then start the next verse: "You shake my limbs, you make me sway, You carry all my leaves away - - etc then just 2 more lines. Please try this again. It is so good. I write for children and they would just love this poem. Please do try again. |
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