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| A day in the life of the team behind Award-deserving Tv hit; Large Sibling | |
| By eggie | ||||||||||
| 05 June 2006 | ||||||||||
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Hey. Been a while. Had to write as Essay about 'A day in the life of a producer for [live Tv show of your choice].' Enjoy the weirdness. A Day in the Life of Large Sibling producer; Spiffy McCheesewipe As a producer of the award-deserving international smash hit; Large Sibling, I’m pretty damned busy, let me tell you. I’m always working. Non-stop like some kind of zebra. My responsibilities lie in overseeing the shows entire team and conducting investigations into how productive the production being produced is. I rise promptly at 12:30 after an intense 11 hours of constant unconscious breathing, then, after a quick wash and breakfast it’s off to the studio straight away at 3:20. Once at the studio my assistant, Emma says something for a while as I conduct an investigation on her breasts, before a gruelling lunch-break begins where every waking moment is a constant struggle for ketchup. There’s only two bottles and they get around the whole room without being emptied. This is the kind of rough and ready experience you get at Channel 4, at the BBC they probably have whole vats full of ketchup in every room, but out here’s advertisement country. It’s a constant struggle, but that struggle is what I live for. That’s why I do what I do. And so, it’s with classic Channel 4 ingenuity that I found how to beat the system, I carry my own bottle of Ketchup in my inside jacket pocket. Sometimes it gets very heavy and I have to take it out and have Emma bring me some coffee to re-energise myself. But I never take my eyes off the bottle of Ketchup; someone might ask to borrow it. If they do I tell them to Fuck Off or sometimes stab them with my pen. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. A Day in the Life of Emma Simpkins, assistant to Spiffy McCheesewipe Large Siblingis a reality show; everything in it has to be real. This is why we here at Channel 4 employ such a large and diverse team of writers and directors to really tighten everything up into a thoroughly truthful and genuine experience for the audience. Since Big Brother is broadcast daily, the writers and actors and working 24-7, mostly in shifts. One guy, Harold doesn’t appear to need to sleep. Tension often arises amongst the staff, it’s not rare when walking past the writers room to hear one screaming at another “No, no, NO! That’s not how you’d say that if you a random member of the public in a house appearing in a low-budget TV production.” Or “Or that’s far too entertaining! Do you want people to think they’re watching a proper TV show, you fucking moron?!”. The actors are even worse, but I can’t understand what they’re saying when they’re not being fed lines. They communicate only through a series of high-pitched screams that are fatal for a human being to hear. Anyway, it’s time to go put on my radiation suit. It’s time for Cheesewipes bath. A Day in the Life of Keith Hashika, actor on Large Sibling SCrreeeeeeeeAAAaaASaSRrRRrRRFgfFggGhhHHHHHhhhhhHHhHHh!1!!!!!! A Day in the life of Susan Hobb, viewer of Large Sibling Well, after a hard days housework and after feeding my husband and 70 lovely kids, there’s nothing I like better than sitting down with a nice cup of tea and watching some Large Sibling. Actually that’s not strictly true, there’s quite a few things I like better than sitting down with a nice cup of tea and watching Large Sibling. In fact, even if the episode of Large Sibling was especially well-written and I was holding a SUBLIME cup of tea it’s still a pretty disappointing existence. To be totally honest, there’s a million things I’d rather be doing than sitting in this fucking house watching fucking Large Sibling but my useless fucking shitfaced motherfucking cunteyed husband’s useless at them all. You know what, fuck this. I’m going out. The bastards can feed themselves.
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